11. Written In The Stars

Everything thus far has been leading to this moment, the conclusion of Part 1.

You ever notice how great the sunrise is? No, seriously, it’s dope. This unexplainable feeling comes with waking up at just the right time, looking up and seeing the sky this secret reddish-purple color it never is any other time. It’s like the transitional period from the lonely darkness of night, where all the empty sadness starts fading to make room for the bright clarity of daylight. Normally I hate waking up before I have to, I’m usually all tired and pissed off and want to go back to sleep. But not today, or any day for a month or so now. These days, I just chill and let the morning sun slowly flood in, finding peace in how my room becomes a different place this time of the day.

I hopped out of my bed and walked over to my closet, beginning to get dressed for the day. For some reason it took a lot less time than it did a month ago to pick out an outfit; I just threw on the first things I saw that looked clean, then reached for my favorite snapback. I figured I must’ve slept good the previous night because my body felt completely energized and I didn’t even have breakfast yet. I reached for my car keys on my dresser, then hesitated. Eh, screw it. I’m feeling good, might as well walk. I was startled by a record scratch from under my bedsheets. I almost forgot my phone. I walked back over to the bed and grabbed it, eager to see who had texted me. To none of my surprise, it was her.

‘Good morning, Superboy! The sunrise is beautiful today, isn’t it, love?’

Theo, Travis and I climbed up the empty bleachers beside the empty soccer field, holding our paper bags full of fast food breakfast.

“Do you always skip homeroom?” Steve McLeary asked nervously, looking over his shoulders every which way as he followed behind.

“Not like it’s a grade.” Travis said with a shrug as we took our seats.

“But what about attendance? Won’t our homeroom teachers mark us absent?”

“You’ll be straight,” Theo answered nonchalantly. “Just show up to first period on time, don’t say nothing about it it and they’ll all assume it was some kinda mistake.”

McLeary finally stopped checking his surroundings and took a seat.

“How do you guys know all these secrets and tricks?”

“Easy,” I answered. “Spending the entirety of freshman year as shameless underachievers primes you for getting through the rest of high school.”

“Underachieving’s the life.” Travis added, taking a bite of his egg sandwich.

“Word,” said Theo. “Who needs to show up drive or responsibility when football gives you everything good grades do. Then again, the rest of y’all have no excuse, though.”

“Speaking of football,” I said. “How’d the away game go?”

“You mean the one you blew off for Carrie’s choir thing?”

I awkwardly averted my eyes. “Yeah, that one.”

“We stomped ’em. At their own school too. Had V screaming the loudest in the audience, and that’s a pretty good feeling. I mean, not as good as the feeling when we kicked it afterward…”

“Not like we’re eating or anything.” I said dryly.

“You couldn’t be romantic and wait till prom night like the rest of us?”

McLearly sighed. “It must be nice for you guys, you know, having girlfriends.”

“Eh, occasionally.” I answered.

“Even when it’s not,” Theo added. “You could always be half-in, half-out like Trav.”

“Wait,” I interjected. “Trav, you’re still half-in with CJ?”

“I mean,” he began. “She’s being a little iffy. She hit me with the ‘let’s just be friends’, ‘see other people’ business, but you know. That probly just means she’s feeling scared about committing, she’ll come to her senses when I ask her to prom.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, Trav, I’m sure that’s exactly what that means.”

“You ask Carrie yet?” Theo asked.

“Nah,” I replied. “But the moment’s coming soon.”

I drummed my fingers impatiently on the diner’s table, looking around.

“There you are.” my Uncle Keegan called out as he approached.

“Took you long enough,” I called back. “You bring the goods?”

“You know, kid,” he said, reaching into his jacket pocket. “It’s one thing to call in all these favors, but now you got me coming out to cheap burger places?”

“I didn’t have time to head to Staten Island and back, so I met you halfway. Chill, poor people food won’t kill you.”

He handed me the tickets, I nearly shook with excitement as I carefully placed them into my wallet.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway.” he said, taking a seat on the other side of the table.

“About what?” I replied.

“Your whole school situation. You still having a crisis about college?”

“I mean, you don’t have to call it that, but yeah.”

“Well, I got a proposition for you.”

I raised a brow. “Go on?”

He took a deep breath and stared off through a nearby window.

“You probably know by now,” he began. “When I was young I had no idea what I was doing. hought I’d never get my life together. At some point I realized I had to stop blaming the world and make the improvements for myself. In order to do that I had to learn exactly who I was, dumb as that sounds.”

I never understood when adults said things about ‘learning’ who you are; I was fairly confident I knew who I was, and doubted I would ever look back on the past and feel like an entirely separate person.

“The thing is,” Uncle Keegan continued. “When you grow up stuck in one place, you don’t know what the world’s really like. If that happens, you can’t possibly be ready for it. I learned that the hard way, but the best choice the young, stupid me ever made was moving out to Colorado when I was somewhere around your age. New place, new life, new challenges; being there showed me what a purpose is.”

“Well,” I interjected. “Not to undercut the sentimentality of this story, but are you getting to something here?”

“I was, you little brat,” he answered. “I was saying that maybe going out and seeing the world is what you need.”

“Easier said than done, Unc.”

“Is it?”

My expression was surely confused, but his was proud. He began to smile.

“I’m moving this summer,” he said. “To the place I always wanted to live, LA.”

“Why?” I shot immediately, taken back by this news.

“No specific reason,” he said with a shrug. “It’s just good to start over every now and again, that’s what life’s about.”

“I guess…” I muttered, still trying to process this.

“More importantly,” he went on. “I want you to come with me.”

Now that I really didn’t expect.

“W-What?” I stammered.

“You heard me,” he replied. “Before you go right into college, take a year off and explore. Come live in LA for a year, or until you have a better idea of what you wanna do next. What do you say?”

I looked down at my reflection in the table, unable to think straight. It was like my whole world had the potential to be unraveled and reformed with a simple ‘yes’; every hopeful expectation and every haunting fear I’d been obsessing over in the past few months instantly replaced with a set of new ones.

“You got a few months to decide,” he said, interrupting my mental debate. “Think it over, Rich. Oh, and have fun with her tonight.”

I turned off the music after parking along the sidewalk outside the Thompson house, sending Carrie a text to let her know I was here. In a minute or two, I saw her mother waving to me from the top right window and the front door opening as Carrie walked out. Her appearance was different, though, so much so that I nearly jumped in my seat. I collected myself as best as I could, awkwardly waving back to Ms. Thompson as Carrie flipped her freely hanging hair from her view, hair that was now a striking, bold shade of orange. I was so momentarily mesmerized I didn’t even notice her opening the door to my passenger seat.

“What’s up?” she said with a slightly warmer half-grin than usual. She noticed my shocked expression and raised a brow. “Something wrong?”

“Your hair!” I blurted out. “What did you do to your hair?”

“I dyed it,” she shrugged. “I thought that was relatively obvious.”

“I know, I mean… Why would you do that?”

“Y’know, free will and all.”

“What was wrong with the way it was?”

“What’s wrong with the way it is now?”

“Nothing, I… It’s fine.”

“Are you sure? Cause it kinda seems like you hate it. I finally put a little extra effort into looking attractive and this is what I get?”

“Wha? No, I don’t ‘hate’ it, I just… It’ll take some time to get used to.”

She gave a disappointed scowl and stuck her tongue out at me.

“Can you at least tell me where we’re going now, or is that still a surprise?”

“What do you think, Carrot Top?”

I switched the car into drive and slowly took off, realizing then how familiar I’d become with Carrie’s neighborhood. Carrie leaned her head against the window of my car.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were taking me off somewhere secret to kill me.”

“Maybe next road trip, but this time we’re on our way to have the best day of your life.”

“Oh really now?”

“Well, maybe not of your life but definitely at least this week.”

“Good thing the bar isn’t set too high. For the week, or my life, really.”

“By the way, check the glove compartment.”

She curiously looked down at the small handle in front of her, pulling it open and immediately looking confused by its contents.

“What’s this for?” she asked, pulling out the blindfold and examining it.

“I told you,” I replied. “Where we’re going is a surprise. I’m not taking any chances.”

She scoffed. “You’re insane.”

I shrugged. “I’m also the one driving, so maybe you’d better do what I say.”

“Yo, watch it. Stairs.”

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“Don’t be a buzzkill. For real, watch your step.”

I guided Carrie from behind, my hands firmly placed on her shoulders as we made our way up the big, granite steps outside the building. The other visitors gave a few impatient groans and sideways looks as they walked around us, but I wasn’t worried about them,

“Does this mean we’re here?” she asked, slowly waving her arms in front of her to make sure she wasn’t walking into anything.

“Yes, your majesty. We’ve arrived. You can take that off now.”

“Finally.”

She lifted the blindfold off of her eyes, finally seeing all the wonder and spectacle of her surroundings for the first time.

“Well?” I asked, eager for her reaction.

“My glasses.”

“Oh, right.”

I reached into my pocket and handed her those big, clunky glasses back. She wiped them off with her shirt and placed them over her eyes, rubbing them to adjust to her newfound sight. As soon as she could see clearly again, she gasped, nearly jumping back. Her usually passive, uninterested eyes were now wide open and unblinking, her jaw hanging open as she stared up at the planetarium's big neon entrance sign.

“Take two,” I said, breaking the momentary silence. “Well?”

“I’ve been wanting to come here ever since we moved!” she exclaimed.

“Well, here you are. I told you I was gonna do something special for you when you got out of the hospital. And today’s the last day they have that laser light show exhibit you were talking about.”

I reached into my wallet and pulled out our tickets, handing over hers.

“You didn’t!”

“Are we not here? Is the ticket not in your hand?”

“How in the world did you afford it?”

“I have friends in high places.”

She looked down at the ticket in her hand for a second, then looked up at me, her cheeks starting to blush. She then lunged forward and threw her arms around me.

“Come on, you dork,” I laughed, pulling away. “Lead the way.”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever told you,” she began, her eyes still focused on the pictures around us. “But I decided that when I die I want my ashes shot into space, if possible.”

“Are you that crazy about space?” I asked.

“Maybe,” she answered. “Like I said before, there’s nowhere in the world I’d fit in. If I’m gonna spend the rest of my life stranded on this planet, feeling so out of place, I may as well leave this world behind when I, you know, leave this world behind.”

The thought of it made me smile a little. “You’d finally be next to the stars you love so much.”

“And whenever someone wants to remember me, they could just look up at those stars.”

I wanted to tell her I already started doing that when I was home alone and missed her, but I figured she’d want to laugh.

“Constellations are amazing,” she said, still in her own head. “On a world so random and crazy, we can look up at the sky and see these stars that fell perfectly into place, as if just to show us something. It's like the universe is telling us it might have some kind of plan after all.”

We looked around at a few more things, Carrie rattling off a bunch of facts about whatever we saw, but after we’d exhausted ourselves from walking around aimlessly, there was still about a half hour before the light show started. Carrie opted we check out the cafeteria, and though I was sure everything there was bound to be mediocre in quality and grandiose in price, I complied.

“Woah,” she nearly gasped, her eyes widening as she stared at the menu. “They have coffee here. And eight flavors of it.”

“I guess we’ll take two of those.” I instructed the curly-haired cashier lady.

“What flavor?” she asked.

“Surprise us.” Carrie answered with a smile.

We found our seats around a small little table for two, with little paper mache planets hanging down from the ceiling above us.

“Ready?”

“If you are.”

We both took simultaneous gulps of our drinks. Immediately meeting eyes, we could see the look of disgust in each other’s faces as we forced ourselves to swallow.

“This is horrible!”

“What even what even is this?”

We met eyes again, this time bursting out laughing. She took her glasses off and began polishing them with her shirt.

“I gotta hand it to you, Superboy,” she began. “As far as incredibly late celebrations of my health go, today’s been amazing.”

“There’s more to go,” I replied. “I gotta thank my Uncle for setting this up.”

“Uncle T?”

“No, my other Uncle. The cool one.”

I suddenly remembered the conversation I had with him.

“Here’s something crazy,” I began, eyes wandering again to Carrie’s new hair. “Earlier today he asked me to move with him to LA for a year instead of going right to college.”

“Really?” she asked, almost excitedly.

“Yeah, it’s supposed to be some soul searching thing to help me figure out what I wanna do with my life.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him I wasn’t sure. I mean, I can’t just start college a year behind everyone else. ‘Taking a break’ is supposed to be something bums do on the path to dropping out and establishing burger-flipping careers.”

“But you still want to go, don’t you?”

I didn’t know what to say. Carrie smiled that unique smile of hers that always made me feel like I sounded like an idiot to her. Those warm blue eyes peered into mine, and for a second everything I knew about myself somehow seemed wrong.

“You have a time to sleep on it.” she said, her passive, monotone voice suddenly comforting.

“Come on,” I said, checking the time on my phone. “We should probably head over to the lightshow.”

We made our way across the planetarium, which felt like a few miles. I checked the map I’d picked up every other turn just to make sure we didn’t get lost.

We finally arrived outside what looked like the entrance to a stadium. We stared up at the three sets of giant double doors.

“Do they need such a fancy place just to watch some lights?” I complained, trying to sound as uninterested in it as possible.

“Don’t pass judgement till you see it for yourself.” Carrie responded dryly. She has no idea what’s about to happen!

She lead the way into the theatre, pushing open the huge door. The place was huge, with what looks like hundreds of fancy built-in seats, and the lights were so dim we had to take a second for our eyes to adjust before beginning to walk, in fear of bumping into something. Soft lounge music played, over the whispering chatter of the dozens of people around us as we looked for seats.

“Where are we supposed to be looking?” I asked as we sat down.

“The ceiling.” Carrie instructed, pointing up. I looked and realized that the ceiling of this place was in the shape of a big dome. The little light there was quickly faded out, and a ball of light formed in the center of the dome, looking like it was in the air floating above us. The music switched to an important-sounding orchestral tune and a voice came in, speaking over it.

“The universe,” an English woman’s voice began. “As wide as existence and as old as time itself…”

The all of light floating above us suddenly exploded, sending waves of light in every direction, which formed all kinds of stars and galaxies. The crowd around us erupted into “oohs”, “ahs” and all around cheer. I was taken back immediately by how real it looked; if I didn’t know better I’d swear I was looking up directly into outer space above me. I looked over to Carrie, who was completely absorbed by the sight, her eyes wide and frantically looking around, her mouth gaping. I’d never seen her so excited about anything before, heck, I didn’t know she was capable of expressing that much emotion.

The English lady went on, talking about the history of space exploration and all the cosmic phenomena that happens and whatnot, each description matched with accompanying visuals that played out above us. I’m not even gonna front, it was pretty amazing. I was really thankful Carrie wanted to visit the planetarium so bad, because otherwise it was something I probably would have never thought to do. As much fun as I was having with the experience, I still was nowhere near as into it as her. I don’t even think she remembered I was even there next to her for most of it. I’ll always remember how happy that made me, seeing her like that.

In twenty or so minutes, the presentation was wrapping up and everyone stood in the theatre stood up to applaud. Carry rocketed out of her seat and clapped her hands manically, the cutest smile in the world stuck on her face. To everyone’s surprise however, the lights didn’t come back on and the music continued. I stood up too, alongside her as she slowly re-entered reality.

“Richie…” she said, at a loss of words for the first time since I’d known her. “That was… I don’t know what to say.”

“You will soon, hopefully.” I replied smugly.

“Huh?” she asked. I didn’t say anything, I just reached my hand over and gently held hers. Another explosion of light happened above us and the image of outer space once again hung over our heads. She looked up, caught off guard. I looked up to, and for a moment we just stood there. I felt her grip on my hand get tighter, and she interlocked our fingers. For a moment we were finally there; the vision that I so often fantasized was here, Carrie and I together, surrounded by stars. The fact that dozens of people were moving and whispering all around us didn’t seem to matter.

“Carrie,” I began, clutching her hand more passionately than ever before. “You know more than anyone I’m not good with the things I feel. I don’t know what I’m doing, where I’m going with my life or what’s gonna happen next. The only thing I know for sure is right here and right now, spending time with you is all I need to make it all easier.”

I wanted to keep going. I wanted to tell her that she was the most interesting person I had ever met. I wanted to explain to her that being around her made everywhere we went into a different place and how it reminded me of the life I’d almost forgotten was inside my body. I wanted to tell her how every single second we had spent together since we met at that party had been its own unique moment in history, short periods of time where none of my daily angst and anxieties mattered. I wanted to scream to the world, but all I could bring myself to actually say was,

“I just have one question…”

The stars above us began to shift, making room as lasers shot up and formed letters. Hanging above us in giant, radiantly glowing lights amid the stars was,

‘Carrie, will you go to prom with me?’

The audience around us erupted into roaring applause and cheers. My heart was fluttering, my mind was racing, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It worked… I did it… Everything happened the way it was supposed to!

“So what do you say?” I asked, my eyes still glued to the sign since I was too nervous to look at her during any of this. I waited a few seconds, but there was no answer.

“Carrie?” I tried. I suddenly realized that her hand was trembling in mine, shaking almost uncontrollably. Confused, I looked over to her and was in no way prepared for what I saw. Her face was bright red, and violently streaming with tears. She struggled her hardest to control her sobs, but she couldn’t keep from audibly bawling.

I stood there for a second, in complete shock. I had no idea what was going on, no idea what to do or what to say.

“C-Carrie,” I stammered. “Carrie, what’s wrong?”

She let out a loud, shrill moan and ripped her hand from mine, before running at full speed down the row of chairs and toward the exit.

“Carrie?!” I yelled, but to no avail. She ran out of the room without looking back. The cheering from the surrounding crowd quickly silenced, now an awkward and confused series of chatters. I stood there, unable to process what had just happened.

In my mind, I’ve gone back to that moment countlessly, again and again, wondering what I would have done differently. I wish I knew then, how that day at the planetarium was the last time I would ever spend with Carrie Thompson.