Timbre

Is Evelyn brave enough to return the equivalent of two million dollars?

Evelyn sat, staring up at the walls of violin cases. In her hands she held the last sheet of name tags, twelve left, labeled A-29 through A-41. This was always a job for the high school TAs of the sixth grade beginning orchestra, labeling the violins.
Evelyn stood up and grabbed a small case off the shelf. She took out the violin and looked through the “F” holes where the tag was. The tiny instrument was called A-33, so she peeled that name tag off the sheet and stuck it on the instrument’s back. She then set it back in its case and started a new pile on the floor, the A-30’s. The tiny storage room already held three other piles, 1 through 10, 10 through 20, and 20 through 30.
She was almost done now. Just two more violins to find and fifteen minutes left of class. “I’ll find A-39 first,” she said quietly to herself. “And then once I have that one tagged, I’ll find A-41.” Evelyn unzipped a medium case, but inside was A-12, already tagged. She unzipped a large case next, and when inside was only A-4, she unzipped a small one. On and on this unzipping went, until she was nearly positive that A-39 wasn’t there.
Suddenly, she saw a rugged case of a moderate size, tucked away, nearly hidden behind boxes of stage props. She pulled down one of the boxes and used it to stand on so she could reach the violin. “Now I’ve gotcha! You sneaky A-39,” she scolded the violin as it slipped easily into her hands. The case was rugged to the touch and left streaks of dust across her hands. She gave the zipper a firm tug and it began to slowly open.
Evelyn lifted the lid on the case, expecting to see A-39 inside. She tore off the dust blanket covering the instrument and gasped. The violin inside was no school instrument. The wood was beautiful, old, but certainly beautiful. She gently lifted the violin out of the case and looked inside the holes. Inside, there was an engraving so old, she could hardly make it out. Karpilovsky Stradivarius 1704. In Evelyn’s hands sat the long lost, forgotten Stradivarius violin.
I’m holding the Karpilovsky Stradivarius. I’m holding 1.2 million dollars in my hands. At first, this was her only thought. She felt like she was in another dimension, or like she had time-traveled back three hundred and fourteen years ago, to when this violin was made. Slowly she traveled back to reality, and as she did, questions started popping into her brain.
This violin had been in the hands of many people, who brought it here? Why was it here? Did her orchestra teacher know about it? Was there an owner? If so, where was the owner? How long had it sat there? Evelyn’s brain was spinning so fast she wasn’t sure how to stop it. Suddenly, one more question stopped everything. Even the clock seemed to silence and Evelyn let that question sink in. Should I play this violin?
“I shouldn’t,” she said loudly, and spooked at her own voice. “It wouldn’t be smart, it’s probably horribly out of tune anyway…” Evelyn let her words trail off and lifted the instrument to her shoulder. There wasn’t a chin rest or shoulder rest, but somehow it still felt comfortable there. She didn’t take the bow out of the case, she decided that she was okay plucking the strings.
“Evelyn! Where are you! Class ended five minutes ago!”

Evelyn quickly put the instrument away and hid it again, then she ran out the door and sped to her orchestra teacher, ready to head back to North Hills high.
The next day she eagerly rushed to the violin room as soon as class started. Evelyn grabbed the violin from where she had hid it previously and took it out of its case. Today she was quite prepared to return the violin to playing condition, her pockets stuffed with tuners, rosin, cleaning rags and a watch. I can’t keep this secret much longer, she thought to herself as she wiped down the face of the Karpilovsky. I think I will tell my orchestra teacher today.
Evelyn was quite sure she was ready to tell her teacher. But the more she thought about it, the more she wanted not to tell. Evelyn couldn’t stand the thought of attention, she couldn’t stand the thought of questions being pointed at her. Evelyn wasn’t ready to tell the world of her discovery. She tuned the Stradivarius in the safety of the violin room, nearly overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt. How had she chosen to keep this instrument for herself? Evelyn did not know.
The day after that Evelyn once again considered telling her orchestra teacher, but she was scared off again by the thoughts of attention and questions. You evil girl, the guilt told her. The whole world wants to see this instrument and you keep it for itself. The owner thinks it’s gone forever, the owner paid so much money for it and you can’t return it to her. Evil girl.
Evelyn finished cleaning the case and returned the violin to its hiding spot. Then she ran up to the orchestra room, where the sixth graders were packing up their instruments to go home for the weekend.
“Hi, Lynnie!” Called Annika as she swung her violin over her shoulder. “Guess what? We learned how to play Ode to Joy with our bows!”
“Wow. I wish I could have seen it. Are you still wanting to switch to viola?”
“Nope.” Annika smiled excitedly and said, “have you ever heard of a Stradivarius violin?”
Evelyn dropped her binder on the floor. Making no move to pick it up, she said “um yeah, I think I’ve heard the name before.” Then she grabbed the binder and hurried off. Did Annika know something? Evelyn wasn’t sure if Annika was as sweet and innocent as she had been when they’d met last month. Of course she doesn’t know, Evelyn thought. It’s Annika, she’s practically my little sister. I’d better be more realistic. Is finding a Stradivarius in the basement realistic? No. Duh. Yes, actually. Because unrealistic things can’t happen in real life.
That night Evelyn sat down on her bed. In her arms the Stradivarius violin lay and in her hand she held her phone. Earlier she had looked up the last known owner of the violin, and now she was wanting to try and reach her. Evelyn looked at her home screen, one of her favorite pictures she had ever taken. It was two young deer, a buck and a doe, who stood slyly peering around a blackberry bush as if they though no one was looking. Evelyn raised her finger to tap on the phone icon, but stopped. Who would she even call? What if her voice sounded odd on the phone? Evelyn couldn’t risk these. She went back to looking at the buck and doe before returning the instrument to its case and falling asleep.
The next day Evelyn couldn’t stop thinking about about last night. She thought about how close she had come to calling the violin’s owner. She thought about the deer on her home screen and eventually came to a conclusion. I am like those deer. I only come out when no one is looking. In the safety of the violin room.
In the evening, at seven o’clock, Evelyn once again sat on her bed, the Stradivarius in her arms. She held her phone and tapped the calling icon and slowly pressed in the numbers. She wasn’t going to be a shy young buck anymore. Evelyn held the phone up to her ear and waited for someone to answer. Finally the receiver picked up, “hi, is this Mrs. Kym? I’m Evelyn Anderson, I have your violin.”

The End

Reviews

[Wathanya.5KY3]

The story was simple--as short stories are--but it was strongly enhanced by your graceful writing. Though I wonder how Evelyn knew who the owner was, I enjoyed reading it very much, and the things that bugged me were stylistic or about dialogue punctuation.

1. She tore off the dust blanket covering the instrument, and gasped.

- although I like how the sentence is written, I'm not sure what is happening here
- unneccessary comma, but if it's intentionally there to force a stop, ignore this

2. I’m holding the Karpilovsky Stradivarius. I’m holding 1.2 million dollars in my hands. At first, this was her only thought.

- if the first two sentences were meant to be her thoughts, it was not made clear. I would suggest finding a method to make it clear that it's her thoughts. Some use italics; some use quotation marks not different from dialogues; some use reported speech. Pick one that suits you, come up with a new way entirely, or just ignore this if you are satisfied with the current effect; the sky is your limit. Other parts with the same issue include:

*I can’t keep this secret much longer, she thought to herself as she wiped down the face of the Karpilovsky. I think I will tell my orchestra teacher today.

**You evil girl, the guilt told her. The whole world wants to see this instrument and you keep it for itself. The owner thinks it’s gone forever, the owner paid so much money for it and you can’t return it to her. Evil girl.

***Of course she doesn’t know, Evelyn thought. It’s Annika, she’s practically my little sister. I’d better be more realistic. Is finding a Stradivarius in the basement realistic? No. Duh. Yes, actually. Because unrealistic things can’t happen in real life.

****I am like those deer. I only come out when no one is looking. In the safety of the violin room.

3. “Hi, Lynnie!” Called Annika as she swung her violin over her shoulder.

- Called => called

4. Annika smiled excitedly and said, “have you ever heard of a Stradivarius violin?”

- "have you..." => "Have you..."

5. Making no move to pick it up, she said “um yeah, I think I’ve heard the name before.”

- comma after "she said"
- "um..." => "Um..."

6. It was two young deer, a buck and a doe, who stood slyly peering around a blackberry bush as if they though no one was looking.

- though => thought

7. Finally the receiver picked up, “hi, is this Mrs. Kym? I’m Evelyn Anderson, I have your violin.”

- comma after "Finally"
- "Finally[,] the receiver picked up," is a sentence in itself, so it should end with a period
- "hi..." => "Hi..."

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If I may, I would like to suggest one other little thing about formatting. With no space before or between paragraphs, it's a little taxing to the readers' eyes. Let me show you what I mean:

------Your writing:

Evelyn sat, staring up at the walls of violin cases. In her hands she held the last sheet of name tags, twelve left, labeled A-29 through A-41. This was always a job for the high school TAs of the sixth grade beginning orchestra, labeling the violins.
Evelyn stood up and grabbed a small case off the shelf. She took out the violin and looked through the “F” holes where the tag was. The tiny instrument was called A-33, so she peeled that name tag off the sheet and stuck it on the instrument’s back. She then set it back in its case and started a new pile on the floor, the A-30’s. The tiny storage room already held three other piles, 1 through 10, 10 through 20, and 20 through 30.
She was almost done now. Just two more violins to find and fifteen minutes left of class. “I’ll find A-39 first,” she said quietly to herself. “And then once I have that one tagged, I’ll find A-41.” Evelyn unzipped a medium case, but inside was A-12, already tagged. She unzipped a large case next, and when inside was only A-4, she unzipped a small one. On and on this unzipping went, until she was nearly positive that A-39 wasn’t there.

-------With space before paragraphs (I'll use [____] to represent space):

[____]Evelyn sat, staring up at the walls of violin cases. In her hands she held the last sheet of name tags, twelve left, labeled A-29 through A-41. This was always a job for the high school TAs of the sixth grade beginning orchestra, labeling the violins.
[____]Evelyn stood up and grabbed a small case off the shelf. She took out the violin and looked through the “F” holes where the tag was. The tiny instrument was called A-33, so she peeled that name tag off the sheet and stuck it on the instrument’s back. She then set it back in its case and started a new pile on the floor, the A-30’s. The tiny storage room already held three other piles, 1 through 10, 10 through 20, and 20 through 30.
[____]She was almost done now. Just two more violins to find and fifteen minutes left of class. “I’ll find A-39 first,” she said quietly to herself. “And then once I have that one tagged, I’ll find A-41.” Evelyn unzipped a medium case, but inside was A-12, already tagged. She unzipped a large case next, and when inside was only A-4, she unzipped a small one. On and on this unzipping went, until she was nearly positive that A-39 wasn’t there.

------With white space between paragraphs:

Evelyn sat, staring up at the walls of violin cases. In her hands she held the last sheet of name tags, twelve left, labeled A-29 through A-41. This was always a job for the high school TAs of the sixth grade beginning orchestra, labeling the violins.

Evelyn stood up and grabbed a small case off the shelf. She took out the violin and looked through the “F” holes where the tag was. The tiny instrument was called A-33, so she peeled that name tag off the sheet and stuck it on the instrument’s back. She then set it back in its case and started a new pile on the floor, the A-30’s. The tiny storage room already held three other piles, 1 through 10, 10 through 20, and 20 through 30.

She was almost done now. Just two more violins to find and fifteen minutes left of class. “I’ll find A-39 first,” she said quietly to herself. “And then once I have that one tagged, I’ll find A-41.” Evelyn unzipped a medium case, but inside was A-12, already tagged. She unzipped a large case next, and when inside was only A-4, she unzipped a small one. On and on this unzipping went, until she was nearly positive that A-39 wasn’t there.

------Whether or not you choose to take this advice, I think your writing is tantalizing and beautiful.