Prologue.

She was told everything will be ok.

Diary entry; 8th July 2011 19:30pm.

 

Losing her was like losing a piece of my soul- she made my soul complete, without her it's nothing; just an empty space inside of me. I needed a will to live and she was mine. She was everything to me.

 

What about now? Well now, my heart is broken and my life means nothing to me, a bit over dramatic- I know. Sit and put yourself in my shoes for a bit, then tell me if I'm being any where near dramatic. I always think what's the point in waking up in the morning if there's no sister, brother, mother or father for me to say good morning to? No laughter or smiles around me. There's only a house that was empty, so empty I could hear myself think.

 

I got told once that losing someone is a feeling of being in the grip of inevitably, you're reminded of your own mortality. It is recognising that your life is changed forever- somehow diminished into thin air. The world no longer seems so bright and happy, so full of promise. Initially, it may induce a feeling of anger, for which there is no way of getting rid of.

 

I feel like nothing is real any more. I've tried to convince myself that she isn't dead and sometimes it works. After a while though, everything sinks in, well; not sinks- it falls. My world tumbles down and I finally lose any control I had. I feel anger and hate towards her for leaving me- I know it wasn't her fault.

 

Depression took over me after a while because I couldn't get over it. Someone said it was different for all of us. After you manage to recover, you still think of that person a lot. They were right. I see her favourite colour, movie or food and picture her. I suppose I have to deal with that for the rest of my life.

 

Then there's jealousy. Jealousy can destroy you, it can eat you up until there;s nothing but that green eyes monster looking through you. This links into hate, you most likely hate someone to be jealous of them. I never hater he though, jealous that she left and I'm stuck here, maybe, but hate her? That would be highly impossible.

 

I do have someone i hate.

 

I've realised love is the peace maker. If you're loved, 95% say you will live, you will survive and you will be strong. Love is passion, love is caring, love is what's said to have made the world today- if you believe that crap.

 

Everyone wishes for a fairytale, even me; with that prince charming and a beautiful bricked up castle. A family around you on your wedding day and birds whistling along as the church bell rings. That's not going to happen for me. My life is destroyed. There's no scratching out my history, no re-writing it. There's only me, no soul and a broken heart that lives but is not loved.

 

In my lifetime i have nightmares that surround me, monsters in the night that scare me. Anger invades me and abuse destroys me. There's no love for me, no hope, no happiness. Just the justice i was searching for. The justice i hoped would happen for my little sister’s death.

 

Everyone said it was ok. That everything would be fine, but in all my life I've never done anything so drastic, something so horrible and monstrous until now.

 

My eyes have opened up to what the human race is capable of. What i am capable of.   

Reviews

[Jamie Raintree]

This is a very engaging beginning. You have an incredible voice that pulls the reader in immediately and leaves them wanting more. And that cliffhanger ending? Perfection!

My only suggestion would be to have someone proofread your work. Your writing is worth it.

Fantastic beginning! Looking forward to the next chapter.