Chapter Fifty-Six: Surviviors Guilt For Second Chances

"You're not alone"

The Crash of Thunder over head does little to startle Katie as she huddles under the covers, the blanket draw up over her head like a protective shield. A faint flash outside the blanket shield lets her know that Lightening was flashing outside, another crash of thunder following suit. The stormy weather fits Katie's mood to the point. It is three weeks after Twinkie's passing and curling up in Han's bed alternating between crying and screaming with rage was the summary of her life. Nothing the family did could tempt her out of bed. Not even Shawn and Neela leaving to go back to Tokyo to break the news to the others made her rise. Before he had left Shawn had come in and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to coax Katie into saying something, anything, even promising to find a way to get Twinkie's Beloved monster to the states for her. At the sound of Han's bedroom door opening she huddles deeper into the blankets, not wanting to deal with anyone. She hears the person walk into the room and feels the bed sag under their weight, and feels them adjust themselves onto it, letting her know that it was Han. He moves so he is sitting on his side of the bed, his upper half leaning against the head board.

"Katie I know you're awake, you need to come out of there, please angel." He says gently. She doesn't respond, instead she squeezes her eyes shut and tries not to let the ever present tears fall before opening them again. She hears him sigh and get off the bed, placing something on the bedside table two minutes before she feels him ripping the covers right off her. The sudden cold air and brightness of the bedroom lights hits her and she squealing in momentairy pain as the lights sear her eyes. She shuts them and buries her face into her pillow. Han watches as she curls in on her self, retreats more and more into her own little world and slipping farther away from him. Anger and fear rise inside him as he crawls back onto the bed. "Angel look at me! Please" he says hating the begging in his tone, but still she does nothing. His anger spikes and without thinking he grabs her by the shoulders and yanks her to face him, his heart shuddering as he sees the hollow look glazed over in her once bright eyes, now dull and unfocused. He grabs her chin and yanks her head forcing to her too at him. "Katie look at me damnit! SNAP OUT OF THIS!" He hisses. " Stop retreating, stop blocking me out, come back to me my love." He says, forgetting to care about the begging in his voice. All he gets back is her just wordlessly blinking up at him, not really seeing him. Undiluted Fear snakes through him. She is retreating farther and father into her self and he doesn't know how to reach her. "Katie baby please" He begs tears forming when she says and does nothing but stare past him, lost in her own thoughts. "DAMNIT KATIE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!" He shouts at her, a small flicker of hope spreading when she flinches, at least it is a reaction he thinks. In a last ditch desperate attempt to snap her out of her self isolation He tightens his grip on her shoulders and crushes his lips to hers, all his fear and worry and anger mixing in with the salt from his tears as he kisses her hard. At first she doesn't respond, reminding him of a lifeless statue. Suddenly as if getting shocked with electricity she jumps to attention and gasps under his lips. The feeling of Han lips on hers snaps Katie out of the dark path she was heading down making her Gasp. She flinches when she feels the pain on her shoulders where he is gripping them hard, making her whimper. At that noise Han tears his lips away, his eyes opening to peer at her, worry and hope swirling around in their dark depths. "Katie?" He whispers, his voice strained with hope. She blinks up at him, her green eyes finally focusing on him, the dark clouds in her mind clearing up, allowing her to function. Not fully in control of her actions just yet she finds herself slapping him Hard in the face. His head whips to the side, dropping his hands from her shoulders to cradle his face. He turns back to her a smirk on his face, not the least bit angry. " I thought we were past this part of our relationship" He teases making her jaw drop.

"I.. OH My GOD Han I'm so sorry I.. I don't know why I did that!" She exclaims, her cheeks flushing a bright pink. Han just smiles at her and takes her face in his hands, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her lips that were in a small frown. She can feel his smile as he kisses her.

"It's OK, whatever it takes to bring you back to me." He says against them taking his hands away to wrap around her body, noting that she has lost some weight. Her body trembles under his touch and she leans into the kiss, deepening it before tearing herself away. He blinks open his eyes and laughs when he sees her eyeing the Bowl of chicken noodle soup he had set on the bedside table. He leans over the bed and carefully picks it up, cursing slightly when he spills a few still hot drops of broth onto his pants. Handing it to Katie he watches as she just stares at it, It was like she was a starving homeless person pressed up against the glass of an all you can eat buffet. "Eat please." he says encouraging her to eat. She shakes her head and tries to hand it back to him but he refuses to take it. "Katie you need to eat something, It's not healthy starving yourself." He says ,She looks up at him with tears streaming down her face and he quickly takes the bowel out of her hands and places it back on the table before opening his arms and gathering her into them. She buries her face in his chest and sobs. "What's wrong? tell me what's going on angel, please let me in." He whispers to her rocking her back and forth trying to sooth her. After about two minutes of straight crying her tears finally dry up and she looks up at him.

"How can I eat when He's...." Her voice chokes up again and the dried tears start to fall again. Han just nods knowing she was referring to Twinkie. He hugs her tighter.

"He wouldn't want you to be starving yourself, He would want you to keep fighting. Keep living your life." He says to her. She looks down and buries her face once again in his chest, muttering something he couldn't quite hear. "What was that?"

"He's dead because of me. I don't deserve to live." She whispers, her voice so broken and full of pain. He takes his right hand from around her body and puts it under her chin, making her look at him once again.

"He died saving you! He died because he loved you as a friend and as a sister and he couldn't let you get hurt. He died because he deemed that YOUR life was worth sacrificing HIS for. Are you really going to throw away his sacrifice by wasting your life away in this room and starving yourself?" He says. His voice rising as his fear for her grows. She stares at him with her mouth wide open in a perfect 'O'. She watches as his fear rages in his dark eyes and it hits her. His words were true, Twinkie died saving her life, she was given a second chance and she was throwing it away. If Twinkie could communicate to her he would be screaming at her to get up and live her life. Ripping her chin out of his hand she leans in, wraps her arms around his neck, and crushes her lips to his. His intake of breath is cut off as she steals his breath away. Without breaking the kiss she manages to wiggle onto his lap and straddles him, making him moan as he wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"You're right." She says against his lips. "He would want me to take advantage of my second chance and live my life to the fullest." And with that she wiggles against him in just the right way making parts of him jump. A moan erupting from him. Since that special night they hadn't so much as touched in any intimate way, her depression making any desire in her vanish.He lays her down on the bed and presses against her, her soft whimper edging him on. He breaks the kiss and looks at her, a question in his eyes. She looks back up at him, and he know that she wasn't fully ready for anything intimate so he just gives her a long deep kiss before rolling over onto his side of the bed, opening his arms for her so she can snuggle up against him. She rests her head on his chest in the way they both loved and tangles her legs with his, sighing when she feels his arms warp around her and rub her back. She looks up and him, giggling her first genuine giggle of happiness as he leans down to kiss her nose, making her scrunch it up in such an adorable way he could help but laugh

"Are you going to be OK now?" He asks once his laugh dies. the look of Happiness on her face vanishes and is replaced with one of sadness, but determination. She sits up, drawing her knees to her chest, leaning against him when he sits up and pulls her to him, her back to his front.

"I don't know, but I owe it to him to try." She says softly looking over her shoulder at him. He gives her a understanding smile and leans over, once again grabbing the now cooling soup and hands it to her.

"How about you start by eating something hmm?" He asks raising an eyebrow. She sticks her tongue out and takes the food. As soon as the smell of juicy chicken hits her nose her stomach gives off an obnoxious rumble making Han throw his head back and laugh a loud full laugh. She looks up at him shyly before picking up the spoon and taking a bite. The taste of the chicken and the hearty warm broth hits her tongue making her moan as she closes her eyes, savoring the taste. Before she knows it her spoon is hitting the empty bowl, making a metallic clank. She stares at it with a small frown, her stomach no where near full yet. Han gently takes it out of her hand and puts a finger to her lips when she starts to protest. "As much as it excites me to see you scarfing food down, I think you should take it easy, you've been surviving on little to nothing for the past three weeks, I don't want you getting sick." He explains to her. She just huffs and lays back down, snuggling up to Han when he lays down after putting the bowl on the ground.

"What time is it anyway?" She asks, tracing random patterns on his chest with her finger. he takes his free hand and traps hers against his chest, right above his heart. Turning his head he spots the glowling numbers of the alarm clock.

" Its two-Thirty in the afternoon. Why?" he asks taking her hand and kissing it softly. She smiles and weaves her fingers through his, once again placing it on his chest, smiling when she feels his heart beating strongly against their entwined fingers. They stay in this blissfull moment for a few more minutes before she finally sits up, sighing as the real world settles around them.

"Because I think its time for me to leave this room, reenter the world, see the family, mingle, live my life." She says, as anxiety settles around her. Sensing her rising anxiety Han sits up and wraps his arms around her, kissing her shoulder lovingly.

"Whats wrong?" He whispers against her skin. She leans against him, craving his touch. Her emotions swirling inside her making her anxiety peak. Tear form in her eyes. When He notices them his face crumples and he lifts his hand to wipe them away. "Angel don't cry, what's wrong?" He whispers more urgently.

"If I walk out that door time goes on again, life goes on, What if I forget him?" She whispers looking up at him with sad filled eyes. "What if my memories of him fade and the next thing I know I can't remember his smile or his laugh or the way he did that stupid dance when he got excited?" Her voice cracks Han pulls her close.

"You wont forget him Katie, I think out of everyone here you will be the one too remember all the small details about him that the others might forget." He reassures her gently. She gives him a weak smile.

"How do you know that?" She asks.

"Like I said, you were his best friend, Hell I think he was closer to you than Shawn." He says confidently. She sighs and leans deeper into his embrace, not really wanting to get up, but knowing she had too. Finally with a sigh she extracts herself from his arms and slips off the bed, feeling suddenly weird when her feet hit the ground and she stands up.She turns around to see Han sliding to the edge of the bed, placing his feet on either side of her so she was standing in between his legs. Pulling at the hem of her shirt he draws her close, a smirk on his lips as hers connect with them, Salt from both of their combined tears still coating them. He wraps his arms around her and slips them up her smooth back making her gasp against his lips, his smirk getting bigger.Her arms wrap about the back of his neck as she presses against him. "We, need, to stop this." She says between kisses. Finally she tears herself away before things can get heated. She steps back slightly but is still in the circle of his arms. She looks down at them and back at him an eyebrow raised making him sigh and drop his arms, letting her step away. He gets up and together they walk to the door. Placing her hand on the doorknob she is momentarily frozen with anxiety. The feeling of Han's hand slipping int her free one has her turning her gaze to him, s smile of support on his face.

"You wont have to do this alone Katie, I;m write here with you, every step of the way." He whispers to her giving her hand a squeeze. With one final deep breath she turns her gaze back to the door and opens it.

***************

Dom is sitting in the living room only half paying attention to the movie flickering across the TV screen, It was a syfy movie where Vin Diesels charactor was some bad a*s convict with night vision eyes who risks everything to save a young girl. Lisa is laying down sprawled out on the couch, her legs over the arm rest, and her head laying gently in his lap. At that moment he is gazing at her as she slept peacefully, one of her hands loosly holding his, as he brushes his thumb against it. Taking his free hand he swipes away from stray hair that manages to fall into her face, cupping her cheek when he is done. His Love for her shines brightly in his eyes as he gazes at her. The heartbreak that Twinkie's passing left hit him hard, making him remember the family members he has lost along the way, Jessie,Vince, Isabelle, and now Twinkie. Guilt pools into his stomach. Maybe if he had been there that day, Maybe if he had been paying more attention he would have been able to prevent Twinkie having to jump in front of that bullet. Then he would still be alive today and Katie wouldn't be hiding from the world in Han's room. He tears his eyes away from his sleeping girlfriend and raises his eyes to the ceiling in the general direction of Han's room. Han had gone up to coax Katie to eat something about half hour ago and he still hadn't emerged. Dom didn't know if that was a bad thing or a good thing.

"Hey don't you worry about her, She'll pull through this." Says a sleepy voice, making him look down to see Lisa looking up at him with sleepy eyes. He smiles at her and leans down the best he can, kissing her on the forehead.

"I cant help but worry about her, she's my daughter." He says leaning back against the couch. Lisa turns her body so she is facing the TV and smiles when she sees the movie, It was Melina's favorite movie. She gets up and sits herself in Dom's lap making him smirk. "What are you doing?" He muses as she flashes him her own smirk. Straddling his lap she leans down and kisses him hard on the mouth, making him growl. "Woman." He growls wrapping his arms around her body crushing her too him. She gives a small smug laugh before wrapping her arms around his back, digging her grease stained nails down it. Before he can react the sound of a throat clearing has Lisa breaking the kiss and jumping off his lap.

"KATIE!" She exclaims making Dom whip his head around to find Katie clinging to Han's side. She gives her "parents" a small smile. Dom gets off the couch and slowly makes his way over to her her, looking at her up and down with fatherly concern noticing that she has lost a scary amount of weight. Lisa pushes him aside and strides up to her, taking the younger woman by the arm and pulling her into a tight hug. Han just smiles. Dom looks over at Han and catches his eyes, an eyebrow raised in question making Han wander over to him so the tow men can stand side by side.

"Before you ask, I just told her the truth, that Twink wouldn't want her to be wasting her life away hiding in guilt." He says to his friend. Dom looks at him and sticks his hand out.

"I just want to say thank you." Han takes his hand and shakes it telling him he didn't have to thank him. "I also wanted to say. I'm sorry." Dom says, his voice sounding strained as saying sorry didn't come natural to him. Han's eyes widen

"For what?"

"For everything. For the way I treated you when I first found out you two were together, I thought you were praying on her, but," He looks over at his daughter who was still talking to Lisa, a small smile on her face. " Honestly you have been the best thing to ever happen to her, She's not afraid anymore like she use to." He admits turning his eyes back to Han. Han just squirms under his gaze, the brutal honesty was unusual for Dom and made him nervous. He looks up at Dom and gives him a smirk

"Don't sweat it old man." he says trying to break the serious moment. Dom just gives him his own smirk and punches him lightly on the arm. Just then Katie and Lisa head over.

"Yo, don't you be punching my man, Or I'll have to punch you." Katie says jokingly as she slides next to Han, looping her arm through his. A silly grin spreads on Han's face at her words, loving the way she called him her man. Dom smiles down at his daughter and opens his arms for her. "Hey Dom." She says softly as she steps into his arms.

"Hey you, how you feeling?" He asks her hugging her hard. She wraps her arms around him the best she can and gives him a tight hug back. He releases her and puts her at arms length, looking her over up and down making sure she was OK. She gives him a small smile

"I'm struggling, but I'll make it." She says honestly. Suddenly something pops into Han's head that makes his body go rigid, but he quickly relaxes before anyone can notice. Katie though sees it in the corner of her eye but lets it go. Instead she looks around. "Where is everyone?" She asks noticing for the first time that Mia and Bryan weren't there. Shawn and Neela were back in Tokyo and Roman and Tej left to go back to Brazil a few days ago.

"Mia is at work, so's Bryan. Lisa and I took the day off." Katie narrows her eyes at his tone. Lisa and Han just snicker. She looks at Han then at Lisa before looking back at Dom.

"What is it?" She asks, slightly on edge. Dom smiles wide at her.

" Tomorrow is February 1st." is all he says. She gives him a look. " What you don't remember what happens every February 1st?" He asks her, letting her go to sit on the back of the couch. Katie crosses her arms and glares at him, while thinking back in her memory. Suddenly it hits her and she smiles wide.

"Race Wars.' She says, her wide grin growing larger. Dom and Lisa nod, their eyes full of excitement. She flicks her gaze over to Han to see him With and evil smirk on his face. "What?" She asks

"Well as always Me, Bryan, and Lisa are going to be racing, Han will be too, but since the boys can't come up, We have a present for you." Dom informs her. She just looks at them, her eyes growing wider. Dom looks at Han whose evil smirk grows

"You still have the extra key to my Mazda right?" He asks her as she nods. "Perfect, you'll drive it at Race wars." he says nonchalantly. Katie gasps and takes a step back. Her Driving at Race wars? She smiles and throws herself into Han's arms hugging him hard.

" Oh Thank you." She says in shock, letting him go, turning to face her father and mother., "Thank you all." She says.

"We figured it was about time to induct you into it. There are some drifting races and I know that Twinkie and Shawn were teaching you down there in Tokyo, Shawn said that you were almost as good as him." Dom says. Katie just blushes and mumbles under her breath. Lisa laughs.

"Come on don't make the girl embarrassed, we'll see it tomorrow." She says taking her boyfriends hand. "IN the mean time, we should go to the shop and teak the cars on last time. you two want to come?" She asks looking at Han and Katie. Katie shakes her head.

"Actually I think I should head across the street. Melina has been leaving messages after messages and I've been ignoring them. I should go over and talk to her." She says, putting a mock look of horror on her face. Han laughs.

"Are you should you should do that alone? Or without armor." He jokes. She sticks her tongue out and starts heading back upstairs to change out of her sweat pants and his shirt. A few minutes later she looks somewhat normal and is knocking on Melina's door, Waving at the others as they honk on their way to the Shop.

"Woman you better have a good explanation as to why you have been icing me out for the past three weeks. Other then the obvious." Was the first thing out of Melina's mouth as she rips open the door. Katie completely ignores her and just blurts out the amazing news.

"I'm racing at Race Wars Tomorrow!" Melina Squeals, completely forgetting her anger and just grabs her best friend into a hug. Ushering her inside for all the details.

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