Utterly rambling ramblings

Some utterly rambling ramblings. Pretty dreadful title, but it sums this up quite well.

  This is going to sound a little strange, but have you ever had that disorienting feeling when you suddenly become aware of your own existence? It's really weird, to be quite frank. Everything suddenly goes POW in your mind and the fact that you exist here and in the now, but one day you will cease to exist, and there was a time before you existed. Just... Ponder that over for a minute, the true consequence of your existence. If it doesn't make your head hurt, then I envy you, unknown stranger who is reading this. (Probably no one.)

It is said that the biggest questions are why are we here, what is the purpose and how did our existence come to be? I'm afraid that dwelling on these questions will lead to no clear answers. Maybe religion can fill the void left by science, fill the void left from our lack of knowledge, but, personally, I am not of religious faith. Gosh, I would like to be, I really would. I envy those who are religious, who can feel comforted that there is more to life than this mundane existence, that there is some higher purpose, but my mind can't accept the concept of a 'God', it just doesn't seem plausible. I could go off on a tangent here and get all philosophical on the nature of God, but that is best left to another day.

When I was ten years old, a very profound thought came to me. Well, it was profound at the time, to my ten year mind. It was just after Oscar, my sort-of cat, had died. There I was, sitting morosely on the swing in my garden, with one of those bubble mixture tubs, occasionally blowing some bubbles. This is a pretty depressing image really, isn't it? I do apologise. I can't remember why I had the bubble mixture, it is a mystery that shall probably never be solved. Anyway, back to the profound thought; I observed how the bubbles just drifted lazily through the air, just there, existing... And it came to me, we, humans (and cats, more specifically, at the time), are like bubbles. We float hopelessly with the wind, until one day we finally pop and that's it. Finished. It's a short existence, fragile... Yet, there's something somewhat intrinsically beautiful about it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: we are here in the now, and while it seems frustrating that we can't answer the why's and how's and what's, it does no good to become wrapped up in these questions, because you just get dragged down the rabbit hole of confuzlement. Yes, that's not a word, but I just used it anyway, problem? With this, I'm not saying we shouldn't pursue knowledge, knowledge is great, it leads to awesome things like the internet, but that it isn't good to get too wrapped up in the deep meanings. Maybe, we have to accept that saying “we don't know” isn't such a bad thing. Maybe we can't understand the nature of the universe because we are stick men (and women) trying to picture a three dimensional world without any knowledge of how three dimensionality works. Again, I feel like I may be going off on a tangent here, so I'll leave that idea there.

A favourite phrase of mine is that one should merely 'go with the flow', a philosophy that I try to live my life by, albeit not always successfully. Change happens, and it isn't always for the good. I talk from experience here; I've moved house eleven times, gone from one country to another and back again, gone to so many different schools... Change is inevitable. We can't do anything to avoid it. We should just 'go with the flow'. What does this mean exactly? Well, we can't become rigid in our thinking, we have to be fluid, adapt, change, evolve as we go through life.

I'm going to be honest here; I'm not always the most cheerful of people, even though I've got damn good at putting on a mask to hide it. I class myself as... I don't know, perhaps an agnostic, not a full blown atheist. When you believe there is nothing, no kindly God to look after you... It isn't exactly a cheerful thought. I can't say that going to sleep at night with the thought 'I am going to cease to exist one day!' is exactly a 'yippee isn't that great!' sort of thought. In fact, it makes you question what the point in it all is, if there is nothing out there. I can't answer that, I'm just a weird sixteen year old, who hasn't even really experienced life fully yet, and has a penchant for writing rambling writings, laced with cheesy metaphors. All I can say is, why not just go with it whilst you're here? Yes, I fully understand that life can give us some pretty, to be it bluntly, crappy turns of events with a dollop of disappointment, plain dullness and stupidity... Gosh, to give a clichéd (even though it should not be thought of as a cliché) just think of all the children who die from starvation or people who just die in silly accidents. Life... Well, it can seem a kind of pointless exercise.

But, to tell you the truth? The reason I go with it all is because I want to know what happens next, to read the next sentence, to turn over the next page, to read to the next chapter, and then... To see what the end of the story holds.

Author's Note

I don't know, I really don't know... I just felt in the mood for some rambling. If there's any grammar mistakes, please point them out because grammar is important to me.. That sounds incredibly sad, oh dear.
Hope you enjoy, and please feel free to comment :)

Reviews

[Becky_Jade]

Wow... its about time you wrote something.. nagging really does work :3

I know the feeling I've been to too many homes and schools, and going backwards and forewards from one country to another.

It does make you think though doesn't it... Whats the point in our exsistance, if it means that when we die... thats it poof gone, bye bye, your skin cells will be missed.

But I don't know, I have a theory (I have many but you shall only hear one... or see one rather) you see people rather to our universe as dimensions and realms and such... perhaps there is a point that when we die our very being (but not the shell) move onto a different plane... aka the afterlife.. its just a random theory mind you, and not a sound one at that XD

Though I am more of a spiritualist myself, Its odd... but sometimes I feel like theres a presence and when I'm sad (and I mean on the floor in the corner of my room crying) I always feel like theres someone there watching me... Of course that could just be paranoia :D

Though I tell ye an odd tale indeed, (went a bit weird there) I was told when I was little, that when ever I head an airplane I would run around in a panic screaming "The soilders are coming to get me!"... but thats not all, apparently I was watching TV with my mum, and she was watching this show about all these beautiful gardens and I said to her "Thats what heaven looks like."

Of course I don't remember this.... but isn't that a little weird for a little child to say... I think I was two or so at the time.


Anywho. You should keep up the writing, it gets the ol' noggin thinking.

Ta ta my friend

[alexkrah]

You seem like the exact same kind of person I am. Often times I find myself just lying in bed for half an hour just thinking about different things. I figured I would tell you an interesting story. Both of my grandparents died about three years ago. My dad (who is a Christian) was very upset and worried because he was afraid they wouldn't go to heaven. One night shortly after my grandfather died, my father had a dream where his mother was sitting at a table playing Bingo (which she used to do all of the time). There was white all around her and she looked up and smiled at him. Then, his father stepped out of the white area and looked at my dad. Apparently he told my dad that everything was fine and they both made it to heaven and that they were happy to see him but he had to go back because he didn't belong there yet. I asked my father more about the dream like "what did they look like" and apparently my grandfather looked about 35 years old and my grandmother looked about 30. I don't really know why he had this dream. It could have been real and it could have been his mind trying to help him cope with his fear of them not going to heaven. Personally, I don't know what to believe because while I would like to say that I am Christian I am more Agnostic and don't really know for sure what comes next. I will end this before I go rambling on about it too but I will leave with a quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet-
"Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?"
In new English this is what it is saying-
"Who would want to carry the load, to grunt and sweat under an exhausting life. Except for those that fear what come after death, the undiscovered country, that territory from which no traveler has returned, makes us confused and hesitant, and forces us to go on with the trouble we have, rather than rush into new and unknown ones.