Alone In The Gutter With The Devil

Dark and alone...

I slither to the ground,

Defeated and rejected,

My back against the cold, hard wall,

Drenched in pity,

Soaked in self-loathing.

My head between my knees

Rocking back and forth,

Back and forth,

Like a child lost on the streets.

I shudder

As the serpent whispers lies

In my vulnerable ears,

Tainting my innocence

With twisted deceit.

I resist... for a while.

Soon his quiet lies

Entangle my mind

Devouring it's way

Through every crevasse

Until his words

Become my own. 

Reviews

[Tina Kline]

A very effective dark and sinister poem.
You have great imagery in this nicely crafted poem.

[Nath]

This was amazing, it catches you from line one.
I like the "slither" in the beginning, it conveys the image of a more gradual descent than a quick fall, and defeat can only be the consequence of an encounter. The first to lines seem quite meaningful to me, and are definitely a good introduction.
The descriptions depict the depression scene vividly.
As for the serpent, I think, though I hate "splitting up" minds, everybody has thoughts they disagree with at first and which they are not really fond of, but can come to defend later. Sometimes we can't help it as our opinions change, even thogh we try not to let them.
You present a case of everything changing for the worse, therefore the metaphor of the seductive serpent, as Twilight has already pointed out representing evil, works very well.
Overall an awesome poem.

[Twilight]

Quite a dark piece, but also rather personal to the writer, perhaps? There are references to spoilt or tainted innocence, confusion and vulnerability. This poem reminded me of someone in a lonely or sad state of mind - entangled in a web of their own thoughts and anxieties? Serpents are traditionally associated with evil, and so it is clear why a serpent is featured in this poem. Thankyou for sharing this with us, and adding it to my writing group!

[Rebel Angel]

Wow theres such rawness to the setting and character you feel like you watching this person. Watching as this serpant changes their lives. It beautiful in desription painting a true emotion of fear and defeat.
I love it.
Well done

[somethingaboutu]

I am in love with the dark and somewhat appalling scenario you set for this poem.
I feel very intimate with this person's suffering.
This is just beautifully obscure.
Well done!