Drunk Driver

a symetrical excursion about when I was hit by a drunk driver

 

 

Let her live, oh please, momma would plead.

Looking left, then right, and left again,

Looking hard over the hill, straining

To see. To bad, he’d not seen me.

I did not land upon my head,

If I had I would be dead.

The drunk officer flew,

Driving far to fast.

I almost past.

 Instead,

I lived.

Let her live, oh please, momma would plead.

Author's Note

True story, critical review and comments welcome

Reviews

[ReganFinch]

Hello there Barbara.

A poet is efficient when his/her ideas and emotions are at the forefront. I appreciated how honest and brave you were in letting us read this. A situation like this is undoubtedly painful.

Your poem's structure is unique and interesting as it allows for a direct flow. Nice job here.

The repetition of the opening line added a lot of emphasis to the overall theme, which makes it a wonderful addition.

The flow, though, could use a few tweaks (not much). As I was reading, it sometimes felt forced (end rhyme included) and that can be difficult to address.

Overall, I loved your honest and beautiful examination of the tragic event. You used unique wordings and structures that give this poem a definite spark. I enjoyed this thoroughly and I hope to read more of your wonderful art soon.

We definitely need more poets like you, Barbara.

Please take care and have a good day.

[John A Common]

I really dig this poem,it's structure is awesome. I agree with Reganfinch it was very brave to write this.Great job buddy.

[XxXCherriXxX]

WOW
its truly amazing