Blood Rites

This is being published soon, so enjoy it whilst you still can! :)

The chamber was dark, the blazers that were positioned in it's four corners did nothing to expel the gloom and the foreboding nature of this place. The floor was uneven, covered in thick layers of dust and filth, the bones of small rodents scattered throughout. Torn, faded tapestries hung from the crumbling stone, banners of long faded glories. In the center of the chamber, there was a large round iron grate, covered in rust and long dried blood. An entryway was carved into one of the walls, a small tightly fit metal door, also covered in rust, was the only way in and out of the room. This room was haunted by pain and misery, this chamber was used by men who worshiped the things that resided in the darkness, creatures that lurked in the shadows of the hearts and minds of men. And this very night, whilst the good and naive slept in their beds, they would force another to bend to their dark will...

The door burst open, sending chunks of rust flying across the chamber, allowing mortar to slide down the ancient stone walls. Two cloaked and hooded figures came striding into the room, grasping brightly lit torches in their hands. They each took one side of the room and began replenishing the fire of each of the blazers. When this was done, another two men entered behind them, carrying a fifth man between them. He was blind folded, his hands bound behind his back. They threw the fifth to the floor, he landed heavily and was instantly covered in a blanket of dust and bone. Three of the hooded men each took a corner and stood just to a side of their newly lit blazers. The fourth man, turned sharply and made sure the door was secure, slammed a large metal bolt into a hole carved in the stone. When he was happy they would not be disturbed, he strode over to his own blazer and joined his brothers...

The fifth man, now upon on his knees, still coughing from the dust that had entered his throat, felt a deadly chill run up his spine. He knew why he was here, there was no point fighting or struggling, he knew he would not be able to escape this place. One of the hooded men came and stood over him, he reached down and yanked the blind fold from his eyes. He closed his eyes tightly, so the light would not completely blur his vision, so he could adjust. After almost a minute, he opened his eyes again and stared up at one of his tormentors. The man was tall, in fact they all were, over six foot, and they were all adorned in long crimson robes, with round black hoods covering their faces. They all looked down at him, but not once did any of them utter a single word. The one closest to him went down on one knee and reached around his waist to untie his bonds. Once this was done, he got back up and rejoined his brothers at his correct position. He knew what was coming, he had heard of these places, of these men, of the things that they had made their 'Gods'. He did not attempt to run, or to struggle, he merely bowed his head and cast his eyes down at the filth on the ground, waiting for the end to come...

One of the hooded men drew a dagger from the folds of his robes, as he did this his brothers did exactly the same. In unison, they drew back their sleeves and cut a single horizontal line across their wrists, deep enough to watch the blood flow from their flesh. They sheathed their blades and took determined steps into the middle of the room, to where the iron grate was situated. They each grabbed a handle and pulled the grate upwards, revealing a hollow, dark pit carved into the floor. Without hesitation, they all held their wrists over the edge of the hole and squeezed their flesh, letting the blood drip down into the darkness. After they were satisfied it was enough, they all turned towards the door. Quickly, they threw the bolt and moved into the outside corridor, slamming the door closed again and securing it from the outside. Then, they slid back a small porthole on the door itself and stood there, their hooded eyes glaring into the gloom, fixated on the fifth man and the hole in the floor...

In the chamber, he could hear 'them'. He could hear something scuttling against the stone, something clawing against the hole in the ground. He quickly rose to his feet and strode over to one of the blazers. One of the two metal torches had been left at the base, he picked it up, felt the cold iron in his grip and slammed his back up against the wall, waiting, waiting for whatever was to slither out of the ground. The hooded men were watching in anticipation, chanting rapidly, waving their hands in the air, barely able to contain their excitement. Then they appeared. Three of them, all taller than the hooded men. They lurked their way out of the hole, out of the blackness, the taste of human blood already upon their lips. They were so, so tall and so thin, barely had any substance to them at all. But the fifth man could sense their animalistic nature, their basic, bestial needs. He knew he was doomed. They approached him, and when they came into the light he could see that they had no eyes, just huge gaping holes in their heads where they should have been, and as they reached out for him, the last thing he remember was their hands. Their palms. Because on their palms were fully formed mouths filled with row after row of razor sharp fangs. The hooded men listened to his screams, but they didn't last long. When they had fed, they slithered back into their hole, back into the darkness. The hooded men secured the grate, locked the iron door and made their way out of the chambers...

For this night, the dark ones had been fed. But they were always, always hungry for more...

Reviews

[little bad puppy]

suggestion...
"The door burst open, sending chunks of rust flying across the chamber, allowing mortar to slide down the ancient stone walls. "

"The silence was shattered as the ancient metal door exploded from it's hinges in a hail of blood colored rust and bone gray mortar, allowing the stone work to sluffed off the damp walls in sheets."

some thing thing like that. stimulate the minds eye with imagery.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

This is a short story that is very worthy of publication. Good work

[little bad puppy]

not bad you have a good basis for a story. could use a little tweeking and a pinch more discriptor narative. but it put me in a frame of mind of a Lovecraft fanfic. the imagry is not bad but i was not drawn in as much as i should. maybe a little more empathy for the protaganist. all in all a good read.

[SonOfPlunder]

Thank you, i'm a huge Lovecraft fan and i had his work in mind as i was writing it. Appreciate your feedback and your review though, thanks for taking the time and glad you liked it

[little bad puppy]

not a problem. i enjoyed your piece. i remember the first time i encountered the Old Gods. the slithering monstrosity of babbling madness snaking out of the dark corners of my mind, through my eyes and into my room. the doors of unspeakable oblivion the words written on those pages invoked opened my sight into the otherworldly carnival of nightmares. yes i have always enjoyed his tales.

[SonOfPlunder]

Call of Cthulhu is an amazingly maddening and grim piece, i was gripped from the very start and from that day on i was completely hooked. No one else writes like he used to

[Trenton Colburn]

this looks really cool to me! I'll be reading more of your stuff later!

[SonOfPlunder]

Thanks, glad you liked it!

[FlatLineBeauty]

This was just so chilling. I loved it your descriptions are so vivid do winter

[SonOfPlunder]

Thank you Winter! This is by far my favourite of my pieces :)

[FlatLineBeauty]

Hey maybe we could work on a colab sometime. I have a pretty good idea I've had for a year it's just the idea is a little hard to put to words. It's a horror mystery. Maybe we can chat about it sometime if you're interested. Xo

[SonOfPlunder]

Sounds interesting! Never attempted a collaboration before, definitely got my attention! Send me a message with your ideas when you have time and we'll talk through it

[kenya smith]

This story gave me goosebumps and made my blood run cold. I love a great horror story :) It's suspenseful and caught my attention in the beginning. Great work.

[SonOfPlunder]

Thank you very much, i'm glad it had the desired effect! This is being published next month, so i'm going to have to work on another one just as chilling!

[Craig2591]

Very good description and mood setting. I really expected more of a surprise ending though. Like the fifth man had a secret weapon on him or he somehow commanded the creatures to turn on the other men. Well written.

I saw this in the Suspenseful Short Stories contest.

[SonOfPlunder]

Thank you very much. Actually i did briefly consider this, but as you could tell from earlier on in the story, the fifth man was doomed from the second he was taken into that room. I wanted to create his doom from the very beginning. H.P Lovecraft definitely inspired me on this piece, and his work never has a happy ending!

[Craig2591]

Understandable. I like to read Nordic Noir mysteries and those rarely have happy endings. Especially the stories by Jo Nesbø. It must have something to do with those long, dark Scandanavian winters.

[Ghost of Jupiter]

okay and I told you I was going to read this at night...you should have warned a girl! Damn ... I loved the detailed description of the entire scene... you made everything so real, filled the senses with your vivid imagery. And the Beasts ....really... that was some serious freakiness. I really cringed about the gaping eye holes... that for some reason scared me more than the mouth hands, although rivals in freakiness. I could go on... but alas... i need to go read something light and fluffy to get my mind out of the doomed darkness...maybe back to the badgers? Anyway... I am thoroughly impressed ... well done.

[Richard]

Nice! Grammar and spelling looked solid. It was a fantastic read, you did a great job of painting a mental picture of what was going on. I saw every bit of it unfolding in my mind and loved it. Good work.

[SonOfPlunder]

Thank you very much, i'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Woody]

Beautifully horrific. Move over Stephen King!

[SonOfPlunder]

That a seriously huge compliment!! Thank you very much :)

[Woody]

My pleasure, Son.