This is an excellent sonnet. The short, two-line stanzas create a quick rhythm like running, which is how the poem begins. With each new stanza you draw a new scene in a moving picture, and in only so many words no less.
The overarching message is so powerful, but its not an empty statement. Each stanza builds up towards the end with the fast rhythm, desperation of the prey because of the hunters "bearing down," the pride and the courage felt by the prey, and making the final stand. It all comes together to paint the epic picture of -at least in my mind- a samurai, much like the story of Musashibo Benkei, who died fighting and standing.
I loved this poem very much. Using so few words and lines and yet drawing these beautiful scenes and instilling such strong emotions into the reader was very impressive. One might say I felt inspired. Thank you for submitting.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you very much Mason, that is an extremely kind review! When i wrote this, what i pictured in m.. read moreThank you very much Mason, that is an extremely kind review! When i wrote this, what i pictured in my mind was a native American Indian running through his own lands, being hunted by the imperialistic settlers. I am familiar with the story of Msashibo Benkei, again very kind of you to associate my work with that story! I am very glad you enjoyed it
10 Years Ago
You're welcome. I can definitely see that image as well.Thanks again.
thanks alot for entering.
u r poem is very deep. i think if many slaves had this mentally it could have been freedom along time ago but i understand that mentally slavery was also the contribution to the physically work load.
Great opening lines and I enjoyed the storyline. You build suspense really well, leaving the reader wondering what might happen next. The final two lines have strength and resolve, loved it. Penny
This is an excellent sonnet. The short, two-line stanzas create a quick rhythm like running, which is how the poem begins. With each new stanza you draw a new scene in a moving picture, and in only so many words no less.
The overarching message is so powerful, but its not an empty statement. Each stanza builds up towards the end with the fast rhythm, desperation of the prey because of the hunters "bearing down," the pride and the courage felt by the prey, and making the final stand. It all comes together to paint the epic picture of -at least in my mind- a samurai, much like the story of Musashibo Benkei, who died fighting and standing.
I loved this poem very much. Using so few words and lines and yet drawing these beautiful scenes and instilling such strong emotions into the reader was very impressive. One might say I felt inspired. Thank you for submitting.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you very much Mason, that is an extremely kind review! When i wrote this, what i pictured in m.. read moreThank you very much Mason, that is an extremely kind review! When i wrote this, what i pictured in my mind was a native American Indian running through his own lands, being hunted by the imperialistic settlers. I am familiar with the story of Msashibo Benkei, again very kind of you to associate my work with that story! I am very glad you enjoyed it
10 Years Ago
You're welcome. I can definitely see that image as well.Thanks again.
This is pretty dark but good, I liked it. I loved the line...
// If I am to die, then I will die free //
Very powerful!
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you, i enjoyed writing this one. This is probably one of my lighter pieces though lol Thanks f.. read moreThank you, i enjoyed writing this one. This is probably one of my lighter pieces though lol Thanks for reading!
Ohhh, nicely penned... wonderful flow and heart pounding imagery. The repetition of the second and last lines really bring it home. I love the hint of the story behind this piece and would enjoy to see the battle play out. well done!
I've entered this piece for quite a few recent competitions, i just hope it's gets as good feedback .. read moreI've entered this piece for quite a few recent competitions, i just hope it's gets as good feedback there as it has on here! Thanks a lot!
Their beasts howl through the pines
their hunters ready their bow lines
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They're beasts howl through the pines
They're hunters ready their bow lines
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I turn to fight to and show them all
that i will strike before i fall
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I turn to fight and show them all
that i will strike before i fall
---
again just minor details...
you like the rhyme ---
you grip the reader with the fright...
yet the ending gives ---
that the monsters will not prevail...
29 year old amateur fantasy writer and dark poet from Cardiff, South Wales. Currently working on a novel with the intention of eventually making it into an expanding series.
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