Silent Wall of a raging Breath

I do not wish to reveal the sense of poem through description

The tone has tuned,

Sobs to immune,

Showered censures,

In his stillness.

Street of life,

Treats me as homeless,

Wishing triumph, over puny spirit,

In his vitality.

Befall of inclination,

Of dewdrops from the eyes,

Feeling to fill the ocean

In his serenity.

Notes of music,

Mastering periodicity,

To recoil the path,

In his presence.

Do I know him? Yes, I do,

He’s the call of my heart,

A deserved intimate,

As a silent wall of a raging breath.

Reviews

[JayG]

The tone has tuned,
Sobs to immune,
Showered censures,
In his stillness.
- - - - - -

This works for you, because, unlike the reader, you begin reading with context. Moreover, you have intent driving your understanding, and, know what’s coming, and apply that knowledge to yield context the reader will lack.

The reader? They have what they’re reading, and what has gone before, to clarify. So look the opening lines as someone who has only what the words suggest to them, based on their life-experience, not your intent:

• The tone has tuned,

Turned from what? And tone, as in sound? Color? Attitude? No way to know.

• Sobs to immune,

Words you have. But in what way are crying and immunity related? I can't tell. And, immune to what? Again, meaningful to you, but…

• Showered censures,

Are the showered version of censures better than bathed censures? And, censured for what? Unless the reader knows that, it’s too general to have context. Perhaps the censures spoken of here, are what the immunity in the previous line referred to, but if so, it's too late. You cannot retroactively remove confusion.

• In his stillness.

In HIS, stillness? Who in the pluperfect hells is this “he?” And what is "his stillness?" You never explain.

My point? Unless the reader has context to make the words meaningful, as-they-read, they’re just words in a row, meaning unknown.

Sorry my news wasn’t better.