Hold Me Tight.

Hold me tight,

don't push me away,

whisper in my ear,

everything you want to say

 

 

Kiss me gently,

your lips on mine,

sush, don't speak,

this moment is ours.

 

 

Ours to cherish,

within our grasp,

to always remember,

to never look back.

 

 

Your hands on me now,

your touch feels right,

I never want to loose you,

for you I'd fight with my life.

 

 

You're everything in this world,

all I want to do is hold you forever,

in an embrace we will never fight,

I'll hold you till the end, starting tonight.

Author's Note

This is kind of another version of my other poem "Starting Tonight." Enjoy :)

Reviews

[Brook]

This was beautiful and nicely simple, but I have a few things to criticize before I get to the wonderful things -- always good to end on a happy note.

There were a few lines that I felt you tried to add things on to where keeping it shorter would be better. It was almost as if you valued the rhyme more than the meaning, which is something I would advise against; the goal of poetry is to invoke the feelings you wish to express, rather than just to rhyme. I would hope you would focus more on that.

I would suggest that you change a few lines, since they're a bit awkward or out of place, including...

"to never look back at our pasts." (Suggestion: keep it to just 'to never look back,' because it is a half-rhyme and isn't a huge mouthful. It flows better.)

"I'd fight for you, with my life." (Suggestion: 'for you I'd give my life.' This captures the romance and love and eliminates the choppiness of this line.)

"everything you want to say." (Suggestion: Maybe just 'what you want to say'? Using 'everything' makes it feel a bit too expansive and general. You could cut it down to make it more personal.)

Those were the two lines that bothered me, but everything else flowed rather well. Now, onto the fantastic-ness that is to be explored!

Your poem made me reminiscent of the days where I had someone to love; being single since June, it's almost depressing to remember, but it's also nice to have a hope that love will find me again. So, thanks for that uplifting bit.

Word choice was pretty good consistently, other than the portions I pointed out, but I wouldn't say it was exceedingly wonderful. If you made a few tweaks, it could easily become so.

Your ending was the best, though, because it brought about thoughts and feelings of love. It stirs up emotion in the reader and it gives tribute to how much the writer cares about the person they're writing about/to. Despite the word choice being a little bit odd (it was best in the beginning and the quality went down a bit near the end) it did bring the emotions that you were describing.

Overall, good work, but keep the things I mentioned in mind and it could be great.

[Samantha (:]

Once again, great. So sad, though! I dunno. It just makes me think about things. In the 4th stanza it would be lose, not loose. (:

[cfix]

This is wonderful,
love the rhyme scheme and flow.

[Heather D]

I love this. Simple thoughts that tell a bigger picture. Excellent :)

[steph]

Great poem somer... Teriffically romantic and passionate... The poem flourishes the whole way through and the rhythm is awsome... one recommendations,
On the line To, behold, within our grasp , try removing the "to behold" it will make the poem flow so much more sweeter, and it won't take anything from the depth.....:-) another favorite

[Pickleby Davies]

I really like this, and how you conveyed your message about love

[Midnight_Mystery]

another great poem :)

[Karli]

I love sweet moments like this, not having a care in the world for just a moment. There's nothing more powerful than love. You did amazing getting that out.

[Steven Cetta]

Although I like it, the other poem hit a cord with me. I do like this, like a new beginning.