My Heart Will go on.

"He doesn't leave my thoughts. He's always there, and I want him to be."

*Some Sexual Scenes*

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He doesn't leave my thoughts. Every waking moment of the day he's there, lingering somewhere. Sometimes I even see him though he's not there. His image gives me flashbacks of the moments we shared together...precious moments...


“You're the most beautiful thing I've ever set my eyes on,” he whispered in my ear as we danced on the dance floor at our wedding. He looked so handsome in his black tux, it fit his body perfectly. “Did you know that?”


I leaned into him as my white wedding dress swished at our feet. “I'm sure you've seen better.” I murmured.


His hand slid up to the back of my head and he looked me in the eyes as he smiled, his green eyes lighting up so brightly I could get lost in them. “No, I haven't.” He kissed the tip of my nose softly, so soft I didn't even know if he did touch it or not.


I grinned and leaned into him again as we swayed to the gentle music. “You're everything I've ever wanted,” I whispered, “and more.” He held me closer and I felt his chest heave up and down. I closed my eyes and focused on that movement.


He ducked his head down beside my ear. “I love you.” His deep voice washed over me like cool water.


Goose bumps broke out on my skin as his breath met my flesh. “I love you too, Cameron.”


The music softly came to an end and everyone clapped around us. I felt like a princess with the prince that came and rescued me. Everything seemed like it was going in slow motion as I laughed as well as cried tears of joy. “Perfect,” I whispered as Cameron pulled me in for a kiss.


His lips met mine gently and he moved his mouth along with mine. Joy overwhelmed me as I hugged him and my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest any moment.




Tears spilled from my eyes as I leaned against the window cell remembering our wedding day. My hair hung around my face as I watched the rain cloak the world like a big blanket. Peeling my cheek from the window, I stood up and walked to the kitchen. My eyes were blood shot from crying and I felt like I was a puppet being moved on strings.


I made some coffee. Oh, how Cameron loved coffee. He had it every day. I hated it, but now I have it all the time to remember him by. As the water boiled I looked out the window over the sink, my eyes looking at something farther then what I can see.


“Don't!” I laughed as we ran up to our honeymoon suit. “Cameron, don't tickle me!” I laughed as he grabbed me and we fell on the bed together. He kissed the tip of my nose as he pinned me to the bed.


“Gotcha.” He bent down and kissed me again, his lips moving along mine with passion. “What do I win?”


“There's a prize?” I giggled and he pulled me up. “I never heard of this.” I moved closer to him then noticed the champagne on the dining room table. “Oh, look, champagne. How nice.”


He stood up and took a few long strides over to the table. “Complements of the hotel.” He held it up along with a cup for me to see. “Care to have some, my dear?”


I giggled and walked over to where he was standing. I fiddled with his coat jacket as I stared at my feet, then back at him. “Yes, please.”


His eyes trailed down to where my hands touched his jacket, then he smiled and his green eyes showed wanting.“The drinks can wait, if you'd prefer.”


“Up to you,” I purred and walked backwards towards the bed. I sat down and crossed my legs, making sure my dress went up a bit. “Your call.” His eyes trailed down my body and lingered where my dress was pulled up. I watched as his jaw clenched, as if he was trying to hold back. I leaned forward, pulling my lip up. “I don't bite.” I whispered, seducing him.


Gingerly, he placed the drinks down and slowly walked over to the bed but just stood there in front of me. His eyes trailed down my body again as if he didn't know what to do this time. So I took it as a go ahead and stood up. I let my hands slide down his chest carefully and then take his jacket off. Smiling, I tossed it across the room with a flick of my wrist. His chest heaved as I unbuttoned his shirt slowly.


He pushed me on the bed as I placed my hands on his pants, teasing him. A moan escaped his mouth as he took my hands. “Just do it.” He groaned.


His wanting motivated me, and I unzipped his pants. I took it off without a struggle, then next his blue underwear. He was ready, I could fully see that with my own eyes. Now I was the only one fully dressed.


My hands explored his body as he groaned. They trailed along his back that flexed with each touch, proving just how musclear he was. He couldn't help it any longer and he unzipped my dress, pulling it off. I shivered as cool air hit my skin.


Two more pieces of clothing and then I'd be a non-virgin.


Everything was now off, and he hesitated before starting completely. “Are you ready?” his voice came out hoarse and I teased him with my hands, sliding them farther down his back then to his stomach, feeling his abs.


“Maybe...” I hissed, winking at him as my hands felt his stomach with soft touches.


His eyes flared with wanting and he couldn't take it any longer. “Forget it!” He moaned and went down on me, as soon as he groaned a scream escaped my mouth as pain shot through my body. His lips slammed down on mine to ease the pain...


Clank...the coffee cup smashed all over the floor as I stared out the window. My body was shaking heavily with the too-real memory. That night was the night of my life. I dropped to my knees to pick up the little glass shards as my tears blurred my vision completely.


“No!” I threw the glass pieces across the kitchen floor and sank down with my back against the cabinet. “This isn't fair!” I clenched my hair in white knuckled fists as I tried to calm down. I breathed in then out, but I still couldn't settle down. That memory was too real, it's as though it just happened yesterday.


I stood up and walked to the living room silently. The house was empty besides me, and it was too quiet. I went to a shelf I saved especially for Cameron and his things. I looked at his trophies he'd won, and his pictures. I picked up our wedding picture and watched as a tear fell onto his face. It slid down to the bottom of the picture as another one took its place.


I placed it back then looked at his other things. When my eyes rested on a news report I burst out into tears. My heart ached with the absence of him. It hurt so much everyday I've gotten use to the pain. It was like half my heart shattered when he left...


I slammed my fist on the shelf. Suddenly, the shelf imploded on itself and fell, landing all around my feet. “No!” I dropped to the floor and tried to pick everything up. I picked up his broken trophy and doubled over, holding my stomach as pain serged through my body.


I laid on the floor, clutching my stomach as I stared into the distance. 




“Jordan?” a mans voice asked over the phone.


“Yes, that's me.” I stood in the kitchen making tea for myself. Cameron and I just bought a two story house for ourselves and maybe a future family. I smiled at the thought of little kids running around the house and missed what the man said. “Sorry, what?”


He sighed over the phone. “It's about Cameron.”


I stopped stirring my tea and froze. My mind thinking the worst before I even asked what he was talking about. “My husband? Yes, what about him?” There was a long pause on the phone that felt like an eternity. My heart sped up and I repeated myself. “What about him? Who is this?”


I heard cars in the background. “Sam.”


I felt myself relax a little. “Oh Sam, hello. Aren't you with Cameron?” I continued stirring my tea, but the negative thoughts still lingered in my mind. “Sam?”


I heard a car door slam. “Listen. Cameron and I were walking down the road when a car pulled up on the side...” I set my spoon down and sat in a chair. “Two men came out and started attacking us. Cameron is in the hospital.”


I hardly heard myself gasp as a pounding headache started behind my ears and my heart thumped in my chest. “Is he alright?”


Sam paused over the phone. “Come meet me here, Jordan.”


“Yes, right away.” I hung up the phone and ran out the door.




I didn't get up off the floor as I remembered that day. I didn't dare move because I'd just fall back down again. My heart beat like this was all happening over again. I felt a tightening in my chest as another memory came in.


“Let me see him.” I demanded as I walked past Sam and into the emergency. “Where is he!?”


Sam grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Jordan!” His hands gripped my shoulders. “Stop.”


A tear escaped my eye as I stared at Sam. “Bring me to him.” I said in a whisper.


He was beat up. I could tell that before I opened the doors. I couldn't help the yelp that slipped from my throat when I saw him. “Oh, no no...” I ran to him and took his hand in mine. His fingers were cold in my warm hand and his face was all bandaged up from the fight. “Where's a Doctor? How is he? Will he be okay?” I had so many questions unanswered, and I needed answers.


Sam touched my shoulder as he turned. “I'll get one.”


I touched Cameron's face with the back of my palm as a tear dripped from my chin to my arm. “Oh god...” His chest heaved up and down. It took him obvious effort to breathe and my own breath hitched in my throat. “It'll be okay Hun...” I stroked his hair as I watched him.


My whole world seemed to be crumbling in on me as I watched Cameron. His arm was in a cast and I could hardly see his face, and the parts I could see were bruised. He had no shirt on and had a cast across his chest. My bottom lip quivered as I touched his cheek first, then his chest. He looked so fragile, so young.


I took his hand in mine and brought it to my lips. “You're strong, Cameron. I believe in you. You look so...so young.” I sniffed. “Though it's okay, when you get out, I'll take care of you. I'll give you more loving then you've ever had, I'll be your slave if I have to. I'll do anything for you.” My voice starting cracking and I bent my head down, my dark hair falling over my round face. “Anything...”


Sam and a Doctor walked in, the Doctor's grim face sent chills down my spine. “Jordan, yes?” I nodded. She frowned, then tried her best to sound reassuring. “He's in critical condition.”


I stood up but didn't let go of his limp hand. The question I tried to speak wouldn't come out so Sam stood beside me and asked. “How critical?”


The Doctor looked from me to Sam with sympathy in her round eyes, and when her her eyes finally settled on me I knew the answer before she told me. “He's dying, Jordan.”


“No!” I dropped to my knees as she finished the words and Sam caught me. “No, please, no!” my body shook with fear of loosing the only man in the world I can ever love.


Sam put his hands on my shoulders and made me look at him. “Jordan! Get yourself together!”


My breathing came quicker as anger rose and my temper went over the top. “Get myself together? My husband is dying and you want me to get myself together!?” Then I did something I never thought of doing.


I slapped him across the face with my bare hand.


“Don't tell me to get myself together when he's dying!” my hand tingled and I clutched it with my other one. “Don't.” I sobbed into my own hands as he touched his cheek. Obviously he wasn't expecting that.


Above me there was a beeping noise, and I looked up to see something I never wanted to see


Cameron wasn't breathing.


My heart caught in my throat as I jumped up to grab his hand. “No, baby, no you can't go!” I shook his hand as Doctor's spilled into the room. “No! We have so much to do! We still have to go to the movies, on a cruise and see the world together!” A male Doctor pushed me out of the way as they put him on another bed. I regained my posture and followed as they brought him to another room. “We're going to go horse back riding, and kiss on the beach in Cuba till it's dark!” They stopped and I took his hand again as tears blurred my vision. “Remember karaoke every Saturday? Remember the kids we want to have together?” I stroked his hair with my free hand. “Y-you can't l-leave me!”


“Miss, please move.” The Doctor pushed me aside as they put the shockers to his chest.


“No!” I went to run to him but Sam caught me from behind. “Let me go!” I struggled but he held a tight grip on me. My body quivered with every type of emotion I could manage.


I was loosing the man I loved deeply, and I can't do anything about it.


It felt like I was watching from a far distance. The Doctor used the shockers on him several times but still nothing. “Remember when we made love!” I screamed over the noise of my headache and everyone talking. “Remember! That was amazing, Cameron, you can't leave m-me!” I sobbed and suddenly my legs felt wobbly, and I collapsed onto the floor. Sam lost his grip on me and accidentally let me fall. “You c-can't!” I sobbed into my hands cause I couldn't bare to watch. I brought my knees to my chest and rocked back and fourth. “Cameron! I love you baby, p-please st-stay!”


“No!” I heard my own voice over the memory as I screamed into the night. I was on the floor, my legs were numb and my heart was beating in fear. “Don't leave me!” I screamed at nothing. His broken trophy was beside me and I threw it against the wall, shattering it into tiny pieces. “Why!” I grabbed a fist full of hair and squeezed until I couldn't take the pain anymore.


Rain echoed on the roof and thunder surrounded me like a blanket. I felt lost, with no one here for me. “I let him die!” the words sent shocks through my body and I shook with pain. “He should be here with me.”I picked up a book and threw it against the window, shattering the glass. Rain poured into the house and onto the T.V.


I sat there watching as a fire started at the base of the T.V. Though, I didn't move.


I didn't want too.


Suddenly I heard the radio over all the commotion. There was a song on that pulled at my heart. Pulled at my feelings. It blocked out everything. My heart will go on...the words echoed in my ears and I looked back at the fire. It was spreading.


My heart will go on...


I longed for Cameron's touch, for his face one more time. Everything seemed to drown out around me, like sound was taken away and I only saw the scene.


Can my heart go on?


I felt a pang in my chest as I stood up. Could my heart go on? I looked at my chest as if it would show my heart. Then I noticed a picture on the ground and picked it up.


Mine and Cameron's wedding picture.


I touched it silently with my finger, touching Cameron's face. His beautiful green eyes and shaggy hair, his well built body...next to my short one, with a wide smile on my face.


I can't be happy without him.


“I have you in my heart,” I whispered, “I never lost you.” The realization hit me and I looked up at the fire spreading. “I love you Cameron,” I hugged the picture to my chest, “I want to be with you again...and I mean physically...”


I walked towards the fire slowly, hugging the picture. It was hot and I felt my face steaming up as the flames covered me like snow covers the ground during a winter storm.


I learned something just now. Nothing in life is free, especially love. Love comes with a cost, but that cost is unknown until you realize what it is. I just realized my cost.


I love Cameron, and I would do anything for him. If I want to be with him, physically, I have to let my heart go on.

Author's Note

A Short Story I wrote once (:

Reviews

[Karli]

Just teared up a little. So sad, but really good.

[Briana Collins]

OhMyGawsh.lol THIS Is AMAZING!!!!!!! i love it. So good.Im crying :)

[Tiffany Elise]

Really Good =)