Whats next?

A Poem by Someones

I hate what I’ve done, what I’ve created, its hard to reconstruct something thats been in contruction and adjustments since I can remember. I hate myself, I dont see beauty in this divine creation even tho I should, and I know deep down there might be a light, but its too dark I cant even picture it.

I regret almost every decision I’ve ever made, the little and the big changes I’ve made. People like remembering things, but when I remember things, there is always a certain thing that I did, or I didnt, a certain thing that keeps me awake at night. I hate reliving my memories because there will always be a deffect in them. I hate my present and wish I could be in the past, but when I do remember my past, I remember me wanting to be where I am now, why is it that I thought it was going to be better or different or that I could happy with myself?

I’ve always been a big dreamer, a girl who dreams about being happy, about having a good life, about being satisfied with myself, but I keep forgetting they are just dreams.
I’ve never been really proud of myself, instead I got this reminder that even if I do something right, its because it was easy and people helped me but not because I made it myself, not because I succed but instead because all my life is simple, so simple that nothing really matters and so simple that Im never going to experience this “happiness” people talks about, instead Im going to be reconsidering all the decisions I could had done but didnt.