Fate of Yggdrasil Chapter 1

Fate of Yggdrasil Chapter 1

 

Part 1

It was impossible to stay asleep with the incessant buzzing, clearly from my phone, persisting. Coupled with the growing intensity of the sun’s rays, I relented, giving up on sleep and answering the call with a lethargic greeting.

The screen read out: Mom

 “H-Hello…” Clearing my throat, I reiterated. “Hello?”

“Fate! Don’t tell me you’re still in bed right now?! I thought you had a test today!” Being reminded of my upcoming exam made me give an exasperated grunt.

“It’s fine, Mom. Class doesn’t start until ten.”

“It’s nine thirty!”

“…What!?” Like having an ice cube dropped down your shirt, that woke me up immediately. I rose from my bed, nearly smacking my dome on the ceiling and rushed for the bathroom. “D****t! Thanks for the wakeup call, Mom. Bye!” Tossing my phone and clothes aside I jumped in the shower. To go along with my metaphor, freezing cold water spilled from the showerhead onto my skin. It felt like I’d jumped into the Arctic Ocean by mistake, but I just endured and washed myself. (Crap! I’ll have to call the landlord about the water heater…again.) There wasn’t much time left, but I didn’t want to look like a total slob. I got out of the shower to check myself out in the mirror and brush my teeth. (Same dark brown eyes, and black hair needing to be cut…yup! Still the same guy I was when I went to sleep. Thanks, mirror, you haven’t lied to me yet.) With the rest done, all that was left were my clothes. I grabbed my brown shirt and black pants while slipping on my sneakers, then dashed out of the small two-bedroom apartment we called home.

(Wait…did I forget anything? S**t!) My phone, wallet, book-bag and keys all sat on the front table neatly arranged so I wouldn’t forget them on the way out. Being in such a rush, I’d forgotten almost everything, despite preparing them the night before. (Figures, the first time in my life I stay up studying for a test, I forget everything and could be tardy. I’m a little nervous, but I should be fine. Running through the park should cut down on my trip, it’s almost a straight shot to the campus.) The sack bouncing up and down on my back felt like a monkey latched onto me, but if I didn’t rush, I’d have been late for my midterms.

Part 2

My college wasn’t a big one, in fact it was rather small, so much so that the campus fit smackdab in the middle of the city. Named after some rich old guy who donated enough money to get his name put on a bunch of buildings, Benson College was well-to-do, plenty of clubs and viewed as a jewel of Greenville.  The security guards didn’t stop me as I burst in through the front doors and dashed up the stairs straight past them.

“Better Hurry, Fate!” We were on good terms, the guards and myself, but I had to ignore their teasing.

Running up four flights was the better option, since the elevator in the lobby was crowded with five or so other students by the door; that I’d spotted on my way in. Out of breath, but with the classroom in sight I picked up speed. My hand reached for the door just as the professor was attempting to slam it shut.

“Fate Isley…just in time…barely.” My old, crotchety professor said as he continued to push on the door with one hand. It was obvious that he was still trying to force me out, though with my foot wedged between the frame, I continued to inch in.

“Yeah…I made it, Mr. Russell.” Calling him mister instead of professor was an intended slight.

He finally released his grip on the door as I stumbled in.

“Sit down, or I’ll have you removed.”

“Okay…relax…” The workbenches of students already seated and talking amongst themselves ran up four rows back, on both sides of the large room. The others were already prepared, grouped up with friends or in their usual seats; someone was in mine, leaving me adrift as I awkwardly ambled by where I’d normally be.

“Fate…over here.” A sweetly whispered voice came across the room. It was my friend, Gabriella; she’d kept a seat open for me at the top left most bench. I gladly slid in beside her, flashing a smile.

“Thanks, Gabby.” I whispered to her under my breath.

“No worries.” She smiled back.

“Alright everyone, you’ll have three hours to finish the test. Once you’re done you may leave…that is all. I shall now hand you the testing sheets.” Mr. Russell was a stickler for the old ways.

“Using paper…what is this, the nineties? It’s 2016, right?” I said in a hushed tone, so that only Gabriella could hear. She giggled a little.

When Professor Russell came to me, with an irritated look in his squinty, gray eyes it felt like an old vulture wanting to pick at a small animal. His hair starting to fall out of that wrinkled, pale white head of his added to his bird like appearance. The more I noticed it, the more I had to stifle a laugh.

He handed me four papers to pass down the row. After I took mine, I gave the rest to Gabby, and so on down the line.

(I studied for the first time in my life for this test. I hope I pass.)

Part 3

Three hours sped by faster than expected. I finished filling in every answer on my sheet…but only barely. When I leaned back in my seat an unintended groan erupted forth from my anxiety riddled chest.

“What’s the matter Fate?” Gabriella remained seated beside me, calmly working on another paper for a different class. She finished her test quickly, before me and a few others.

“Nothing, I think I passed…maybe…I hope...” I looked down to Mr. Russell. He shot an ominous grin, which made my stomach churn.

With midterms over, and it only being an hour past noon, I had the rest of the day to do whatever I wanted. Gabby and I exited the room and started to walk down the hall. “So, Fate, want to grab something to eat? That new restaurant is open down near the train station.” From the eagerness of her eyes and leaning into my shoulder, I could tell she was attempting to sway me.

“Sure, I’m free.” I acquiesced, without really to be persuaded.

We exited the building and started a somewhat lengthy walk to the diner.

“Fate, have you been keeping up with The Alchemist of Hazzard? You’re the only person I get to talk to about it in person, so please tell me you have!”

“Yeah, I have. But really, what’s with you and these ‘young adult’ T.V. shows anyway?”

“Don’t say it like that. You make it sound like I’m weird or something.”

“Well…anyway, yeah I saw The Alchemist of Hazzard. One thing I don’t understand is why Serena keeps going back to Fredrick if he treats her like crap.”

“*Sigh*…such a boy despite being a man. Fredrick isn’t treating her like crap. It’s just difficult for him to express his feelings.”

“If someone smacked my food off the table and called me a dog-faced bumpkin, the only thing that person would be expressing is how much pain they were in after I beat their a*s.”

“Ohuhu…such a tough guy. Is that why you’ve been working out so much lately?”

“Huh? I-I haven’t changed my usual workout routine.” (Unless you count doubling up on my usual routine.)

“Whatever you say, Mr. Muscle.”

“Why poke fun at me?”

She chuckled at that. Her beautiful smile was so bright and welcoming. Being with Gabriella made time flow so quickly. My chest felt warm, my hands would shake whenever she’d touch me, and I’d always try to not stumble over my words around her. I liked her…so much.

My first year in college is when I realized I had feelings for Gabby, but we had been friends since our junior year in high school. Always the prettiest girl in every one of my classes and one of the smartest; it’s amazing how long it took for me to notice how often I’d catch myself thinking about her. With those robust chestnut colored lochs running all the way down her shoulders, how could my eyes not get fixated on her whenever she’d walk by? She had great style, was tall and always stayed in excellent shape. Those slightly yellow eyes and extremely light brown skin added to her beauty, if only in my own eyes. She had one of the most beautiful faces; her small nose and perfectly set cheek bones…it was unfair for a person to look so good and be so nice, right?

“Fate!”

“Huh?” I’d gotten lost in thoughts of her, again.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

My phone started buzzing as soon as we reached the restaurant’s front.

“Go ahead in, I’ve got a call.”

“Okay.”

The name ‘Chester’ and an image of my ghastly looking friend was on the screen. I sighed, knowing whatever it was would be annoying.

“Yes, Chester?”

“Comrade! Did you see!?” Chester yelled from the other side of the phone with his deep creepy voice.

“See what?”

“My god man, you need to come over to the club room! Right! Now!!” His voice bellowed from the receiver so loud people walking by could hear.

“Later…I’m kind of busy right now.”

“Doing what? Are you hanging out with Gabriella again? You don’t have a chance with her. Forget the girl and come join us on a crusade of both knowledge and discovery!”

“Oh, shut up, Chester!” I hung up the phone and went into the restaurant. Gabby got us a booth and we ordered our food, chatting while we waited for it to arrive. When our lunch finally got to the table, I took notice of the other patrons sneaking peeks in our direction. People being taken with Gabby was nothing new.

“You have to get tired of having people stare at you all of the time, huh.”

“Hmm? I don’t think they’re staring at me.”

“Then who could they be staring at? Not me.”

“I think it is you.”

“Nah.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re pretty good looking, you know?”

“Nah…”

“No, really! You’re lean, but not skinny. Your hair is unique, and very well kept. You’re not a pale skeleton like Chester, and you have a really pretty face.”

“…You sound more like you’re complementing one of your girlfriends. You do realize that, right?”

“Haha, Sorry! Man, the food here really sucks, huh?”

“Yeah, it does.”

Before I noticed an hour had passed.

We walked back towards the college campus, since my apartment was in that direction and Gabby still had another class. While we were in the diner, the murky clouds swallowed up the sun and left us with nothing but a stuffy, gray sky. It felt like rain would start at any minute, which didn’t bother me as I rather enjoyed the sensation of rain on my skin.

We prepared to part ways upon reaching the college campus.

“Alright Fate, I’ll see you later!”

“Try not to learn too hard…” (Learn too hard? What am I even saying?)

“Gabby!” Someone yelled for Gabby out of nowhere. It was a voice I was too familiar with and not fond of.

The mound of muscles in a too tight shirt and strong body spray came storming over to us…Gabby’s boyfriend, Ken. He was a hulking douchebag that thought he was way cooler and smarter than everyone else; seeing as he was with Gabby must’ve meant he had something that I just couldn’t see.

“Yo, babe, where you been?”

“Oh…I was with Fate.” Gabby seemed rather annoyed, not even bothering to look Ken in the eyes as she crossed her arms and cut her head away.

(Did they have a fight or something? Best not to ask. Last time something like this happened she pouted for a solid day.)

“Fate again, huh?” He shot me a dirty look. It’s hard to take someone seriously when the first thought that comes to your mind when you see them is a 90’s rap-rock band. “Listen, babe, I just want to know why you’ve been ignoring me?”

“Last time I called, you were too busy talking with some other girl.”

“I told you that was my mom!”

“No, it wasn’t, I know what Mrs. Cockburn sounds like and that wasn’t her!”

“T-Then you must have heard my sister.”

(I will never understand why a girl as great as Gabby is with such a loser. They’ve been going out on-and-off since we started college. They always seem to fight over him ‘possibly’ cheating.)

“Hang on babe, give me another chance! Let’s talk about it…I’ll take you to that new restaurant near the station that you wanted to go to. We can talk it out there.”

“Hmph…Fate and I just came back from there! The food was delicious!”

(This is going to get a lot worse before it gets any better.)

“…You know…I spend a lot of time hearing you say bad things about me, but then you go and hang out with Fate all the time! Come here!”

“Ahh! Stop!” Ken aggressively grabbed Gabby by the arm. In response, I’d latched onto Ken’s arm, my body moving without me even noticing.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Uh…” (At times like this you’re supposed to come up with something witty and cool to say, right?) “Hands off…” That wasn’t cool or witty, and my voice cracked a bit. Not imposing at all.

“Get your hands off me, Isley!”

“Fate, don’t worry! It’s okay.” Gabby’s arm was still tightly in Ken’s grip, so even with me noting her worry, my pride and concern didn’t allow me to back down. That baseless pride of mine had gotten me into bad situations before, it wasn’t anything new.

(Crap, I can’t just back off after that!) “I-I said hands off her! She doesn’t want to go and you’re hurting her.”

“You little…” Ken let go of Gabby and swung on me…and I dodged it!

(Wow, guess I’m a better fighter then I thought.) Shouldn’t have gotten cocky because I dodged the first one, since I didn’t dodge the second, or third, or fourth, or fifth, or any of the three stomps that rained down onto me. Eventually the campus police had to come and break it up.

Part 4

I sat on the ground still recuperating from the fight, or I guess, one-sided beating would be more correct. My legs had betrayed me half way through, so my head and gut ended up taking the brunt of the assault. Blood ran from my nose and a bit dripped from my lower lip all the way down onto my white tee-shirt.

Gabby spoke to the campus cops who’d escorted Ken away. Once finished, she rushed back to my side.

“I never meant to get you caught up in all of this, but thank you so much for helping me, Fate. Can you stand? Do you want me to call an ambulance?” She was just trying to be nice, but her words and sympathetic eyes stung at my pride.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m fine! I’ve got to go; t-the guys are waiting for me in the clubroom.” I got to my feet and staggered away. Walking hurt like crazy, but I was too embarrassed to ask for any help. I didn’t want to go to the clubroom, but going home with my face like it was, Mom would have freaked out.

“Hey, Fate! Fate!”

She called me, but I didn’t want to turn around and show her my beaten and bloodied face again. That battered face of mine was attracting some attention from onlookers, so I took a few minutes to wash up as best as possible.

The campus - despite being rather small did have a few extra buildings that were used for clubs and other functions. The club I was headed for was in one of the smaller, more alienated buildings, which worked to the club’s advantage. We didn’t need too many people around judging us for being ‘weird’. My sneakers squeaked on the somewhat dusty hall floor; clearly our spot was being neglected by the cleaning staff once more. I couldn’t be too upset, since our front door was admittedly off-putting. To match the theme of the club, our front door was old and rusty, paint chipping and far heavier than any of the others. We’d gotten complaints before, but for the ‘Occult Research and Study club’, it was very on brand.

The usual bunch of dudes and a single girl sitting on their laptops, reading books, trying to summon ghosts or find pictures of UFOs somehow comforted me as I pulled open our chamber door. The room still needed a good cleaning and the windows were obscured with curtains which was perfect for the ambiance. Chester was the first to take notice of me entering the room.

“Hey Fa…whoa, what happened to you!?” His yelling took everyone else by surprise and they all turned to face me.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” I waved it off and took a seat at the table in the center of the room. The others kept staring at me as I sat back in the chair and closed my eyes, trying to destress.

“Wait, Fate, don’t go to sleep!!!” Chester leapt across the table tackling me to the floor!

“What the hell are you doing, you moron!” I kicked him off.

“If you fall asleep like that, you’ll fall into a coma!”

“Quit yelling! I won’t fall into a coma!!!” Screaming back at Chester helped alleviate some of the pent-up frustrations twisted around in my chest.

“N-No, he’s right Fate. If you fall asleep, you’ll fall into a-a coma.” Teddy spoke up from the other side of the room, having had just pealed the fresh plastic wrap off a mock Necronomicon. He was a big loveable type of guy. So large in fact, that the flesh bound book was dwarfed in the hands of his six-foot five frame, though with his stutter, the imposing size did little to create an aura of intimidation; coupled with the tuft of curly red hair atop his head, no one could think of the guy as dangerous. “M-maybe if he does fall asleep, we c-can read some lines from the book here a-and it’ll reawaken him w-with new powers…” He trailed off talking to himself, as per usual.

“Huh!? I didn’t hear you, Teddy! You’ll need to speak up!!!” I continued to yell jokingly.

“Will you idiots stop yelling?!” Demica, the lone girl in the Occult Research and Study club chimed in as well. With her nose pressed so firmly into a book that the pages hid my friend’s slightly freckled face. Only her striking green eyes were glimpsable in between the strands of dirty-blonde hair masking her visage.

“Demica, why don’t you just wear your glasses?”

“Because, I refuse to wear those enormous, thick, nerdy bifocals!” Demica wasn’t a bad looking girl but believed the glasses coupled with her nerdy and reserved manner of dressing would make her look like the archetypal ‘geek girl’; slightly vain would be the best way to describe her.

“Fine, enjoy being blind. Perry, make sure you move everything out of your sister’s path on the way home, so she doesn’t trip and break her neck.”

“Gotcha, Fate!” Perry, Demica’s younger brother, looked so like her that one could mistake them for fraternal twins; aside for the fact that he didn’t need glasses for his smaller, gray eyes.

Chester and I got back up off the ground, returning to our seats at the table.

“Sorry man, I just thought you could use a little pick me up.”

“Really, then why’d you tackle me down? Ah…”

“Ah…”

We both pointed at each other in a joking fashion, eliciting an audible groan from the others. Chester plopped a laptop on the table in front of me and flipped it open with enthusiasm. He turned to some internet video and pointed at the screen.

“So, Fate, did you see this yet?”

“No. Is this what you wanted me to rush over here for?”

“Yes! It’s an unidentified flying object - a UFO!”

“Hmm? Play the video.”

Said video showcased an old white man with gray hair and numerous liver spots covering his head, reminding me of Professor Russell. He was standing in a field, holding a microphone with dark clouds looming over a small mountain range in the background. It was a report in the state just south of us in some backwater county I’d never heard of.

“Turn it up. I can’t hear.”

“Okay…” Chester did so just in time for the reporter to reach his point.

“…and it appears that it was seen at some time between eleven o’clock and one o’clock today. Locals reported a strange object that flew to the top of the mountain range and stopped, completely suspended in midair. After sitting still for a few minutes, it suddenly took off at an absurd speed headed up north. We will continue to give you information as the story develops.” The video ended.

“Must’ve been a really slow news day if they wasted airtime on that…” I leaned back in my chair, unamused.

“What are you talking about!? This is huge!!”

“Okay, stop yelling already!!!”

“Cut it out!!!!” Demica threw down her book and screamed at us. She then pulled out her phone and brought up an article. “Here, you idiots!”

The article read: Unidentified flying object pictures.

“A…Human…or a kite…” I had to hold myself back from laughing. The image was blurry, but I could tell from a closer look that it wasn’t anything like a UFO. If I had to compare the images to something, they looked more like a cartoon depiction of a witch’s silhouette; pointy hat, riding a broom stick and all. “So, does this mean we can stop focusing on it since it’s not an alien?”

Chester’s long uncut hair covered his eyes as he looked down. I thought that meant he’d given up, but… “No, of course not! This is even bigger! Can you not see the type of story this is!? If we can dig up more information on what it is, we’d be famous!”

“You moron! It was a kite or some dumb prank. It probably got caught on something near the top of the mountain and then got blown away by the wind.” Demica was always good at cutting down Chester’s ridiculous assumptions.

“Woman, you do not understand!!”

Once Demica and Chester finished their usual half an hour of bickering, we ended up watching a few old movies and did some actual research like the club was supposed to. Nothing turned up and at the end of the day we decided it was time for everyone to head out.

“I’ll see y-you guys tomorrow.” Teddy hopped on his bike and road off.

“Same here, come on Perry!”

“Alright, later guys!” The siblings strolled off as well.

“Well, Fate…now that they’re gone…want to explain the bruises?”

I let out a big sigh and with my back leaned against a nearby tree, told Chester everything…

“Welp, you really should’ve seen something like that coming.”

“How was I supposed to react? He just grabbed her, and my body moved on its own.”

“Not the best excuse, but anyway; what did Gabriella say?”

“Nothing really…just that she didn’t mean to get me involved. I don’t really care though.”

“Because you like her?”

“Because I like her.”

“Alright, I’m heading home. Tomorrow, we’ll discover the secret of the UFO! MUHAHAHA!!” Chester left with his same old strange laugh, like some kind of evil mastermind.

Exhausted, I began trudging back home. Once home, I’d need to ice my face and clean the wounds again.

Chilling wind cut through my thin tee-shirt like water through a cheap napkin. Somehow the weather had changed so dramatically from the afternoon, my breath had become visible. The road leading home was well illuminated by the numerous street lights; however, it was a bit out of the way, but by cutting through the park I’d make it home in half the time. Not wanting to freeze in the cold and not being afraid of the dark, the park quickly became my preferred route.

Normally, the park exuded a calming and relaxed atmosphere, but at cloaked in the dark of night, only lit by the few lamp posts set up, it felt more like a graveyard. The walkway for the park curved, ebbing in and out making unnecessary turns so that people could see the ponds, the fountains and the bridge. I just cut straight across the grass and headed right for the bridge so that I could get home quicker.

The underpass beneath the bridge that most bike riders would cycle through when going around the park was where I was headed. At night, no one would bother to go through it since the lights inside would often blow out. The underpass’s length basically made it a short tunnel. I could see from where I was standing that the lights were still on in the passageway, fortunately, so I decided to head through. The white bricks and reflective metal caused the lights to blare even more so than usual.

As soon as I entered, a sudden, violent chill ran up my spine. Unease emanated from the other end of the tunnel. Without even looking up from the ground, I could feel a malicious gaze set on me. Near the very top of my vision, I could just barely make out a figure standing at the opposite end of the passageway. Whatever or whoever it was didn’t look human. A long pointy head and some long, thin, blunt object was cast in the light, yet held only blackness. It didn’t look very tall, but I couldn’t be sure with the distance.

The figure stood perfectly still, facing me…but I still couldn’t make out what it was. Whatever the thing was, it didn’t so much as flinch. Every time my head started to drift up so I could get a better look, fear radiated through my body like an electrical shock. I gave in - decided that the long way was much better than possibly putting myself in danger, but right as I turned to leave, the ominous feeling vanished. When I turned back to face the other end of the underpass, nothing was there.

(Did I imagine that? No, there was definitely something there.) I proceeded with caution, guard up as if I knew how to defend myself, until reaching the other side.

Exiting the miniature tunnel, I noted there was in fact nothing waiting for me. No one and nothing out of the ordinary.

(Maybe I did imagine it. That stupid video must have freaked me out more than I thought and today was pretty freaking long.) Still a little jumpy, I quickened my pace a bit. As I sped up though, something swiftly flew overhead shaking all the trees and blowing everything about. I didn’t get a chance to see what it was, nor did I want to. It wasn’t any bigger than a bird or a hawk, but I didn’t bother sticking around to investigate.

Part 5

I rushed into my apartment and slammed the door behind me, sliding down to the floor with my back pressed firmly against the threshold. Goosebumps still fervent on my skin, I caught myself laughing as the tension dissipated from both the air and my body.

(Can’t believe that I was freaked out over nothing! Damn, good thing Gabby can’t see me right now, she’d think I was a wimp…) After another minute of reassuring myself of my mental stability, exhaustion reared its head. Sleep became my main goal but the rumbling in my stomach overwhelmed even that.

From the entrance, I spied a plate of saran wrapped food sitting on the kitchen table with a note attached, waiting to be read.

The note read: From Mom, dear Fate, I’ll be late, this food is really great, warm it up on this plate! I’ll see you at two in the morning tomorrow…

(…I swear…if you’re going to do something as embarrassing as this, at least make the whole thing rhyme, don’t just give up at the very end!)

My Mother still treated me like a kid sometimes, which didn’t bother me that much, though it was still irritating. She worked two jobs, so she wouldn’t come home until the early morning most of the time, meaning that we’d not get a chance to see each other in person that often.

The microwave warmed my food as I dragged myself over to the shower. My body still ached all over from the fight. There was a cut on my scalp and lower lip, which stung under cold water; one of my arms was bruised and there was a crick in my neck, that’s all without mentioning the boot print on my gut.

“*Sigh*…what am I even hoping to get out of this? Gabby probably won’t even break up with that a*****e. She’s known for a while now that he was cheating on her, hell everyone has to know by now if I know! Jackass couldn’t even think of a good excuse. I swear! Why is it so hard to understand women?” I got out of the shower, toweled off, got dressed and grabbed my food from the microwave. My long and annoying day was, for the most part, done. Kicking back in my room, watching TV while eating and trying to forget was how I’d planned on ending the evening.

All that action had made me very tired. I drifted off to sleep much to my dismay as I wanted to, at least, stay awake until my Mom came home. Sleep finally overcame me as I slowly drifted off.

*Tap…Tap…Tap…*

A tapping noise came from my window. It was barely audible at first, but then it got a bit louder. I got up, still dazed from being in a much deeper sleep than I’d planned. Staggering, I dragged my feet over to the window and grabbed the string to pull up the blinds.

Then it hit me…

(Wait…I’m on the third floor! How is someone knocking on my window? There’s no veranda outside of my window…)

*Tap…Tap…Tap…*

The tapping grew louder again. (A robber - no, a robber wouldn’t knock on the glass!) My curiosity got the better of me, so with my eyes clenched shut, I tugged the string. The old saying curiosity killed the cat, was never truer.

Before me, in my window stood a dark figure, eyes gleaming red, a twisted, evil smile parsing its lips and long hair, as black as a raven’s feathers. I saw it as some kind of lanky, black monster at first. (…) My mind went totally blank. I was so shocked that I couldn’t move a muscle!

We stared directly into each other’s eyes until I noticed the slender black legs stood atop a wooden broom. When I took notice of that, it snapped me out of my daze, then I also recognized how human like the figure was - in fact it looked like a girl wearing strange clothing. I didn’t get a chance to say or do anything else, because they lifted their hand with a tiny, glowing, red ball in it. She curled it between her index finger and thumb, then shot it through the glass of the window and directly into my throat.

 (Huh?) It happened so fast that, the feeling of the small, dime sized object entering the front of my throat didn’t register. However, once I fell back onto my floor the pain surged throughout my entire body.

The pain of having my throat pierced was nothing compared to the inscrutable agony the rest of my body was going through. My skin felt like it was being rubbed with sand paper. My muscles and bones felt like they were on fire. My eyes started shaking so much I couldn’t see straight, until my vision just completely faded…only leaving me in complete and utter blackness. My body began to go numb, everything from my feet up to the top of my head. I couldn’t see, feel or even move. I started suffocating, if not from my neck being pierced, then just from having a panic attack.

“Well…seems like this one is actually surviving. His will to live is astounding.” I could hear a voice talking. It was soft but spoke in a very confident tone.

(I don’t want to die! I haven’t even lived that long a life; I haven’t even had a chance to see the world! I want to talk with Gabby one more time! Investigate the occult with my friends! I can’t leave Mom all alone! I can’t die and leave this world behind without having achieved anything - without having achieved any of my dreams or done anything with my life!) I couldn’t just accept dying like that without having accomplished anything and leave behind the people I loved.

“You keep crawling around, writhing in agony. Well, it doesn’t matter. From this moment on, you belong to me, and only me. You…shall be the one to bear the seed of Yggdrasil, and I, Anesha…shall bring about a new era for all, as the one and only goddess! I shall correct this world with my own two hands, remade in my elegant image! It will be built upon your grave. I appreciate your cooperation. Oh, and if you have any complaints, you can blame…fate, I guess.”

 

Her biting tone and gorgeous voice were the last things I remember from that night. It was my first informal meeting with Anesha and the beginning of the downward spiral of my life. No longer was I a regular person, but the bearer of the seed that would be the instrument used to either bring about an age of endless prosperity for humanity, or endless servitude.

End of chapter 1

Reviews

[Skull Writer]

This is really intense story. I almost think there is too much going on in this first chapter alone but at the same time it is a good balance of description of a normal college students life before it is changed. The only advice I have is to maybe have more done with that fight scene between Fate and Kevin. If you think about it from a real perspective I strongly think that an ambulance would have been called or at least a type of campus medical to check up on the injured student. In adding them you could also express more concern from Gabby and a more embarrassed exit from Fate. Other than those couple of points I think your story is on a good path, also in noting do not feel as though you need to use said additions.

[JayG]

Well, you did ask for comment, so you have no one but yourself to blame for this, though what I have to say is NOT a reflection on your talent or potential as a writer.

The good news: You’re writing as you’ve been taught, carefully and clearly explaining the events and situation.

The bad news: Our teachers trained us in nonfiction writing techniques, so as fiction, this reads more as a report, or chronicle of events, than fiction, which uses an entirely different methodology.

True to your training you open the chapter with what's supposed to be action, but in reality, is an info-dump on where the protagonist lives, and a few general facts about his background—none of which is necessary to understand the actual first scene. Why does a reader care how many bedrooms the apartment has? Why do they care that on the day the story begins there’s a problem with hot water? Why do we care that our protagonist doesn’t like one of his teachers?

Answer: We don’t. So including that data serves to delay the actual arrival of the story. In real-world terms, the average reader will begin skimming over that unneeded detail, searching for where the story begins, which is why the other person who commented talked about, “too much going on.” As Ernest Hemingway warned, “Never confuse movement with action.” My view? Begin with story, not history.

Here’s the problem behind the problems you face: In your years of school, how much time was spent on tags and their presentation? How much on the management of the short-term scene-goal. How much on the elements of a scene on the page and how to manage them? Did even one teacher explain why a scene on the page ends in disaster for the protagonist, and must? None, right?

My point? How can we write a scene if we don’t know what it is? How can we please an acquiring editor, or their customer, the reader, if we don’t know what they’re looking for—or of more importance, reject?

Fiction aims to provide the reader with an emotional experience. We want the reader to feel as if they’re literally living the story in real-time, not hearing about it. We focus on making the reader care, not just “know.” And NOTHING in the writing skills you were given in school can do that. It’s fact-based and author-centric, while fiction is emotion-based and character-centric.

So...though you’re working hard and have a sincere desire to please the reader, using the tricks of writing we practiced through out school days can’t work. Remember, ALL professions are learned IN ADDITION to the Three R’s we’re given in school. And Fiction-Writing is a profession.

Fixing the problem is pretty simple, and obvious. Add the skills and specialized knowledge of the pro at fiction writing to the skills you own, now. After all, everyone you know has been choosing professionally written fiction since they learned to read, so they expect to see the result of those specialized skills at work in your story.

And reading fiction, while we love it, no more trains us to write it than eating trains us to cook.

The local library system’s fiction writing section is filled with books by pros in writing, teaching, and publishing. And it’s free. Free is good, right?

I won’t kid you. Learning any profession takes time, study, and practice. And the time spent working toward this one is no guarantee of success—though failing to learn it to is pretty much a guarantee of failure. Still, every successful writer overcame the problem, so why not you?

So have at it. Time spent in increasing your skills at anything is time wisely invested. And if you do hit the library, seek out the names, Dwight Swain, Jack Bickham, James Scott Bell, or Debra Dixon on the cover of a book on writing technique. They’re gold.

And, for a bit of an overview of the differences between writing fiction and nonfiction you might take a look at a few articles in my writing blog. But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Angelo Kingston]

Thanks for the feedback. You may have seen it as a bit brutal, but I appreciate the directness. I'll take into consideration the points you made and hope to better improve my work in the future. They were excellent points I'd not thought about until you'd mentioned them. So once again, thank you!