Silenced

With each new day that passes
There's one less that remains
And every day that I wake up
Brings a brand new pain

Pain of unending solitude
Pain of isolation
Pain of insecurity
Pain of trepidation

When faced with awkward silences
I just don't know what to say
My mind is vacant of all thoughts
It's like they all just floated away

How do I break out of this shell?
How do I reach the world beyond?
Do I still have time to change
Or are all of my chances gone?

So many times, I've asked aloud
"Why was I born this way?"
Always writing down the words
That I don't have the strength to say

Always thinking in my head
Words that do not pass my lips
Wanting to drink from the chalice of life
But only taking little sips

When I have the chance to speak
Nothing is ever said
Despite the practiced words and thoughts
That are filling up my head

A vow of silence was never taken
But the effect is nearly the same
Always afraid I'll say the wrong thing
And never wanting to risk the pain

The pain of yet another rejection
That pain digs deep inside of me
It digs in deep and holds on tight
And fuels my constant misery

Outgoing, I will never be
And speaking honestly, that's okay
But once, just once, I wish that I
Could say the words I want to say