TK

There was a time I was okay
Before sadness took hold of me
But that was so long ago
Before the pain started to flow

There was a girl who caught my eye
But I couldn't talk, I was too shy
So I wrote out my feelings in rhyme
And I waited for the right time

Then on a cold winter's day
She read the words I couldn't say
She said those were feelings she shared
I thought I found someone who cared

But later that very same week
It was like a game of hide and seek
She came to my house, but not for me
My sister was the one she wanted to see

Before she left, she came to my room
And I knew then that I was doomed
She said the words that signal the end
"Maybe we could just be friends"

I wanted to curl up and die
I didn't know how I'd survive
The tears were endless as was the pain
And I accidentally found a way

A way to make the pain recede
To let it all drain out of me
But the pain would return in time
So I'd lay down another line

Later on that year
Another girl drew near
When she caught my eye
My affliction went into overdrive

I didn't think she could be mine
Not after the last time
So the pain continued to grow
Spiraling out of control

Again I wrote my feelings in rhyme
Again I waited for my time
She read and said she felt the same
And I thought that would stop the pain

She said that she was there for me
I never questioned her sincerity
But even as I held her hand
I knew she didn't understand

She said that she had my back
But then my heart was under attack
And when I needed her most
She became a ghost

She said that she'd be there
She said she would always care
But when I called her on the phone
I found out I was all alone

She said she would be my wife
I thought we'd have a perfect life
But then she said we needed to talk
And that's when she decided to walk

And then the pain was greater than all
I thought for sure that I would fall
There was never an end to my cries
And I so badly wanted to die

When sadness turned to physical pain
I knew I could no longer refrain
So I cut myself, but not too deep
Just enough to put the pain to sleep

As the pain recurred each day
I released it all the very same way
I quickly learned to hide the scars
And I wanted to stop, but couldn't reach that far

I was sure no one would understand
I was sure no one would give me a hand
There was no one I could open up to
No one would understand what I was going through

So I had to go through it all alone
I had to do it on my own
And though I no longer feel the need to self-harm
    (life itself throws enough at me)
I'll forever carry the reminders on my arm
    (reminders nobody wants to see)

I'm afraid that it won't take too much
For me to fall back on that crutch
It's not an action I look forward to
And now I see this heartfelt video of you

I see you pleading for my soul
For me to crawl out of this hole
You said I could reach out to you
But I don't think that's something I can do

You and I are worlds apart
And though I'm sure you have a golden heart
The distance is just too great
Or maybe it's just too late

What would society think
If you pulled me from the brink
If mine was the life you saved
If you rescued me from the grave

It's not like I have a deathwish
I just want something more than this
But life always brings such pain
And it's not easy to wash it away

But when there's too much pain and strife
And I want to reach for the knife
I'll look into your pleading face
And then that thought will be erased

Because I can't take the tears in your eyes
It hurts so much to see you cry
So if it means that much to you
I'll find something else to do
    (because your tears mean more than my own)