MEETING RUBY CATHERINE STEVENS

I wrote this sketch for an online friend of mine

MEETING RUBY CATHERINE STEVENS

BY T. A. Christensen 

Her name was Ruby Catherine Stevens, and I have never worked for a better employer regardless of gender. Now, before any Neanderthal spew their snark remarks about my alleged “fringe benefits”, I want to make it clear Ms. Ruby and I have a professional relationship based on mutual respect. I honestly believe my life would have been less fulfilling if she had not taken a chance on me. 

I was raised Old School so I believed the propaganda that guaranteed you would be a success if you followed the rules of society. I got my education, attended church services, raised my arm to the square, and worked my butt off. Unfortunately, I ended up working menial jobs in the service industry. 

In between jobs, I figured I would attend workshops, take correspondence classes, and perform volunteer work as a way to hone my skills and some practical work experience. This also allowed me to network and meet successful people. This is how I got the opportunity to meet Ms. Ruby. 

I was volunteering at a church-sponsored when I heard someone called out from one of the offices. “Does anyone know how to format a presentation?” 

I turned towards the voice and saw a redheaded woman approach me. She was slightly above average height with an athletic build and wore a conservative beige pantsuit. There was something about her vest that caught my eye. 

Before anyone could respond, she walked up to me and repeated her question. 

“I have done a few when I was in college,” I said when I found my voice. 

“Good!” she shoved a folder in my hand. “I need this done by Friday!” 

She began to walk away before she stopped then turned back to me with an extended hand. “By the way, I am Ruby Stevens.” 

I briefly shook her hand and introduced myself. 

“So,” she gave me a quick once-over. “Do you think you can handle this?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Sound pretty sure of yourself.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”

She gave me a funny look. “I don’t if anyone told you, but we are not exactly formal around here.” 

I cleared my throat. “Let’s just say, my old man made sure I showed the necessary respect to those of a certain position and status.” 

“Fai enough,” she said with a half-hearted shrug, returning to her office. 

I quickly found an unoccupied room, opened the folder, and scanned the pages. I soon realized I was going to need a few reference libraries. 

Before the appointed deadline, I gently knocked on her door. “Ms. Ruby?” 

She looked up from her desk. “Oh, hi.” 

I held out the folder. “Here is what you asked me to prepare.” 

“Thank you.” 

“What would you like me to do with it?” 

“Just put it on my desk,” she said. “And I’ll take a look at it as soon as I can.” 

I did not move. “I was hoping you would take a look at it now.” 

She gave me a puzzled look. “Is there any particular reason?” 

I want to see if I need to make any revisions before you make your presentation.”

“Sounds like someone is experiencing a lack of confidence.” She leaned back in her chair which gave me a better view of her unusual vest. 

I felt myself being taken aback. “I disagree, Ms. Ruby, I simply need a reasonable amount of time just in case it doesn’t meet your expectations.” 

She appeared to ponder my explanation before she reached out to take the folder. After thumbing through the pages, she looked up at me in disbelief and gave me a sly smile. “Looks like you’re accompanying me when I make my presentation.” 

On the day of the presentation, Ms. Ruby suggested I ride with her so we would arrive at our destination at the same time, and could plan our respective strategy. I also could not help feeling I was being interviewed. 

(I still had the impression there was something askew about her office attire.) 

After we arrived at our destination, Ms. Ruby seemed to continue her interview for an unknown position. We were then escorted into a conference room an hour later. Fortunately, we successfully made our presentation. 

“Where did you find him, Ruby?” I heard one of the attendees ask while I gathered the documents. 

“What do mean?’ Ms. Ruby said in a light-hearted manner. “He’s been working for me for quite a while.” 

This statement came as quite a surprise to me, but chose to keep my mouth shut. I wanted to see where this was going. 

The gentleman looked at me and asked, “Is there any way I can persuade you to leave Ms. Stevens's employment?” 

I glanced at Ms. Ruby before I answered. “I appreciate the offer, sir, but Ms. Ruby has treated me real well for as long as I have worked for her.”

He opened his mouth as if he was about to ask another question when Ms. Ruby interrupted and got me out of there as quickly as possible. 

Back at the car, Ms. Ruby laughed then said, “How about I buy you lunch to celebrate your new position?” 

“I would like that, Ms. Ruby,” I said. 

Sorry to use an old song lyric but that is how the whole thing started, but it’s true. My admiration and respect for this special lady have grown stronger the better I get to know her. I even managed to learn about one of her exclusive eccentricities when I finally realized what made her business attire so unique. Her navel periodically appeared whenever Ms. Ruby moved in a particular way. This is because Ms. Ruby practiced a form of meditation called “omphaloskepsis” where the practitioner focuses her energy on the Manipura chakra. Her clothing was designed so it would not interfere with the energy. 

I had just received a notice from Ms. Ruby about an assignment where one of her friends requested some assistance for a difficult situation. I am supposed to make the arrangements because Ms. Ruby insists on evaluating the situation herself. 

In other words, “Road Trip!”