Cold Cries and Wood Walks

A creative essay for a sad time in my life.

I’m going to cry tonight.  I’m going to cry hard tears and they are going to drown me in my dreams.  I can only hope.  Tonight, I am more sad than God’s grace can handle.  This is the sacrifice made by following a path that doesn’t obtain your own interest.  I feel a cold death inside my chest.  It’s the death of generosity because this world has no care for generosity.  The generous are weak and the world eats them alive until they are forced to rid themselves of their idealistic ways.  I am ruined. I am bare.  So ruined, so bare, that I want nothing more than to remove myself from civilization. I have pondered going away into the woods with thick clothing and never returning until I am close to death.  

I can spend time with my brain and think away any trouble.

On days full of rain, I write away every struggle.

When the sun hits my face, I can find serenity in my screams.

When the moon consumes the skies, I can try again to drown in my dreams.

Everything inside of my brain makes me quiver due to reflective thoughts and possibilities of false accusations.  The future has no certainty, no promise, no guarantees.  Is there anyone who could stop me from disappearing off the face of the earth for as long as my body can allow?  No.  No one could stop me, only things can.  There are things in my way that disable my departure.  Things like school and cowardice.  These I will overcome.  Soon, I can leave and truly be alone.  I’m only trying to find the best way to be alone.  I see something deep in the woods away from the world and away from reason.  The woods are the only place where idealism is needed and appropriate.  The woods are the only place where I can sing and write for the desire of doing so.  My desire for adventure attached to a desire for tranquil loneliness has perpetuated because of my cold winter sadness.

Into the world the children come.

Away from the woods the children run.

Away from the world the children run.

Into the woods the children come.