Finding Home

A creative essay on time, love, and emotion written during an odd emotional time for me.

In the moment, I need it most, I can’t seem to write anything poetically.  Something worthy enough of your eyes and your interest. I’m struggling with understanding why I allow myself to be dragged into situations where my heart might be at risk.  Even more than my own heart: is your heart.  Your heart is at risk here.  Time is a devil and we are ticking slowly into the grasp of its demonic sin.  Every second passes and thumps like anchors on solid ground reminding me the end is near.  We are several thumping seconds away of having to say goodbye for eternity.  An eternity of wondering or (perhaps, worse than wondering) forgetting. Is this what growing up is all about?  Leaving everything you know behind only to be haunted by incredible memories and relationships.  I truly have never been so heartbroken in my life than I am at this graduating moment.  It’s like a bomb has dropped on top of everyone of my friends and I’m left alone to survive, forced to make replacements.  Every ex-girlfriend will be wiped from existence, every kindhearted acquaintance will be wiped from existence, every stationary companion will be wiped from existence; only because of my scholarly promotion.  I hadn’t considered the immensity of the situation until I considered the impact you’ve had on my life in such a short amount of time.  I know in my head that I will meet another you, but I don’t want to.  I want to write you letters that start with “Dear” and end in “Love” from now until forever.  But, I know that it is impossible for our spirits to be that submerged into one another while being so distant.  I attach my spirit so easily to people that when I have to emotionally tear it away from them suddenly and abruptly, sadness is inevitable.  I will try to stay in contact with you.  Like letters sent in bottles over the ocean blue, I will try with every desperate ounce of my soul to stay in contact with you.  My belief in no soul mates has decreased my ability to love,forever, or perhaps the last girl truly wasn’t the one.  Only time can tell if our situation is different, even if Time is the devil.