I Wish

just wishing

I wish there was a place

Far away from this hell

I call home

A place without

Screaming or fighting

A place without

Hatred or lies

I wish there was a place

Where I could

Be myself

A place where

I could feel safe

I wish there was a place

I could be free

Author's Note

honest opinion

Reviews

[Ian Faraway]

To be honest, I didn't really know what to make of this poem. I could say it was haunting because I'm still looking for a place like that even though I got away from one hell to enter another one. I could also say that this is every person's dream, every person who has ever felt the pain I have or will in the future. Life's hard but we have no choice but to move on. Or make the best of a given situation.

[MiidniightSoul]

A powerful and interesting piece. We all seek for that place, where we can feel safe, where we can be free. A place that unfortunately only exist in our dreams. Beautiful.

[Jonathan De Elvira]

interesting read...
and haunting in some way...

[GreenSkeleton16]

dont we all wish for that :) i know id visit that place quite often.

[Tony]

There is one.
It's source is Thought, it's manifestation is life.
Good Poem.
Rhythmic, and loaded with negatives and ....hmmm.... I think... Boredom.
It isn't quite a horrible to read as it feels, I am sure.
As a suggestion... there is more tangible pain in reflections that are ..how do you say... Hidden. Pain that is more personal touches the "wow, I thought I was the only one!" or
Holy Crap, I thought I knew despair! part of humans. Especially us bookworms and intellectuals...lol
You see...
I'll read another.

[Jeffrey Gershom]

I have wished for such a place myself. Though the poem is not long, it is concise and to the point....much like a wish.
Good work!

[Preston Lynch]

nice. I like it.

[Ms. Gruye]

this works well as a list, but I do not feel breathes fresh air as a poem.

To Padawan Poets:

I’m posting this because I’m very weary of hammering the same damn things over and over and over again in reviews, and I’m sure writers are tired of hearing it. So in order to save both of us time, here it is.

General Tips for Novice Writers

Golden Rule: SHOW DON’T TELL!

*1)* Most teenagers or early twenties artists are very self-centered. So as an exercise, try writing a poem without the first person “I.”

*2)* Many a greenhorn think they can “express” themselves by using enough adjectives and adverbs, so my advice – use them minimally – I would even attempt a work without any adjectives and adverbs.

*3)* The difference between poetry and most other forms? IMAGERY! IMAGERY! IMAGERY! ‘Don't write “I’m sad”; show me the glint of moonlight on broken glass.’ See that? Which is more expressive? USE IMAGERY (And as previously stated, most amateurs substitute adjectives and adverbs for images – don’t). An older, wiser, and much published writer once gave me the rule of thumb: “one image per stanza.”

*4)* Frost once rattled, “a poet can only use the word ‘beautiful’ three times in his or her writing career,” and I would like-wise advocate minimal to no use of “Abstract” language; here are the usual suspects (which I was also once guilty of): *Soul*, Pain, Agony, Destiny, Spirit, Joy, Tears, Love, Hate, Beautiful, Freedom, Justice, God, Heaven, Angel, most words that end with -ion, or -ity, (i.e. obsess-ion, char-ity) and many, many more. Sometimes they’re impossible to ditch (with the exception of SOUL), but try at all costs. They are airy nothings that convert poems into goth journals, political rants, religious sermons, or all of the above! And while on the subject, please don’t overindulge in personification of said abstracts, i.e.

“Liberty weeps today for no one loves
Her, or her child, Peace
They are banished to the woods
Of Chaos and his menace.”

See, I just made that up – took 30 seconds. Sounds nice, but means nothing. This is the literary equivalent of porn, seductive but empty.

*5)* IF you must rhyme, do Not sacrifice the syntax of a sentence to fit the rhyme. I.E. “aches my heart so I felt once,” or something along those lines. That’s o.k. for Yoda but not Poets. Write more or less how you (others) speak in regular life, and not some renaissance faire. This also includes veering clear from archaic or overly academic diction. If you seriously use “adieu,” you should be shot. “Vain-glorious,” “bemoan,” “bosom, ” “thou, ”,”thee”... likewise. Also do not use “filler” words like “did” “do” (“my heart did weep”). In the past, they were used for the purpose of keeping a meter, but now they are forbidden by the gods of poetry. B***h to them. Usually poets fresh from reading Poe or Keats are guilty of this. In addition, I would strongly advise that the lines be approximately close syllable wise (at the very least), or metered (which means ur probably not a rookie anymore). If not, it will appear like you’re stretching out the lines solely to fit your rhyme scheme, and what’s the fun in that? And for the love of god, take the time to learn the difference between true rhymes, feminine rhymes, slant rhymes, eye-rhymes, vowel/consonance rhymes! For extra credit, try to employ unique rhymes. As Alexander Pope mocked long before:

Where'er you find 'the cooling western breeze, '
In the next line, it 'whispers through the trees':
If crystal streams 'with pleasing murmurs creep':
The reader's threaten'd (not in vain) with 'sleep.'

English is more impoverished than Romance languages when it comes to words that rhyme, but you can take that as a challenge. Moreover, you notice the elisions here? Guess what? Yes, avoid them too, unless you are an English time traveler from the past, in which case I guess it would be permissible.


*6* Grammar and punctuation are NOT mandatory in poetry; HOWEVER, if you use them “incorrectly”, that is to say unconventionally, in poetry that signals to a sophisticated reader to pay extra attention to that part. So if you have a comma splice, then the theme better be about genetic splicing or something! If not, critics won’t even take the work seriously. Prose is like a truck, while poetry is like a Ferrari: a dent on a Ferrari stands out much more drastically. Bad punctuation and grammar can really detract from poetry. I usually don’t even review such pieces, unless they’re from an author I trust. As you move along in your writing “career” you’ll find that some readers are much more anal about this than others, and you should ultimately trust your initial instincts as to how or whether or not a piece should adhere to convention (this is assuming that you know correct grammar/punctuation, needless to say, you should).

*7)* No one can teach you how to feel, recognize stirring subject matter, select moving metaphors, allusions, similes, or how to be creative, original, ironic, witty, inspirational etc…or even if all those click, how to word it in just the right way .That’s just gotta come from you, and only you. In the end, that is what distinguishes good writers from just writers (to show how precipitous this can be, simply tweak some of your fav lines and see how quickly “unpoetic” they can turn: “to not be or to be, that is the dilemma…”). More than often, you’ll run across work that is pretty good, publishable, but unmemorable. All I can say is… if you grow as a person, reflect IMMENSELY and BRAVELY, relentlessly study rhetoric and critical theory, read and analyze other masterpieces on a regular basis, humble yourself enough to accept constructive critique and make yourself susceptible to inspiration (preferably sans drugs/ alcohol lol), then it will at least give you a shot at immortality.


Without fail, some will read this and say “Screw rules! I write from my heart,” something or other. Well, Charlie Brown, I got news for you: *You are a blogger, not a poet.* And in all likelihood, you desire compliments not critiques. And if you retort, “I know all this already, but I’m still gonna do my own thing anyways” – that’s cool – poetry needs tinkerers and innovators like e.e. cummings, Gertrude Stein, Hopkins, or Rimbaud. But here comes the mother of all clichés, “in order to break the rules, one must first know them,” Rebels with a cause, so to speak (P.S. avoid clichés lol). In fact, I break “the rules” from time to time, but am very aware of it when I do so.

Well, these are merely some very general guidelines that helped me as a writer; hopefully, they can similarly quicken your own progression. Psychological studies have shown that it usually takes about 10 years of dedicated study to finally master a subject, and by "dedicated" they mean Tiger Woods, Mozart, Wittgenstein, Milton type obsession, not part time hobby dedication. Also, it is important to realize that writing, unlike most other arts, differs in that it is almost totally mental, and as such, depends more heavily on the inner psyche. So while you might be able to get away with becoming a Wunderkind at the violin at age 10, that doesn’t fly in literature – what are you going to do, write sonnets about Shrek? So writing from the age of five, as I see in some profiles, doesn’t really count in my books. However, if you resolved to be writer a little later and still aren't producing masterpieces, be patient yet unrelenting. Well, that’s all. Good Luck. May the Force be with you, always.

[Truman S. Booth]

Very good. I especially liked the repetitive lines. Very poetic, and it inspires sympathy.

[FallenHeroXx]

beautiful as hell my friend i love it :)
it's very descriptive in my oppinion :)
And i like your use and choice of words

Palle