Why

inspired by the book Such a Pretty Girl by Laura Wiess

I sit on the bed

Listening to mommy and daddy fight

I cover my head with a pillow

Covering up the sound of yelling

They yell about money

They yell about me

Daddy tells mommy to leave

I hear the door slam

He comes into my room

Sits on my bed

Stroking my hair

With his hands

Shhh its ok

He whispers

Wiping the tears  

From my eyes

He takes his hand

Moves it up and down my thigh

I try to move

But his hand holds me firm

I plead him to stop

But he continues

Please stop I beg

He slaps me

Tells me to shut up

He gets on top of me

Doing his deed

I scream at him

When he left

I ask myself

Why

 

 

Author's Note

Honest opinion

Reviews

[MuSe Ampoule]

I second SpokenWord's analysis of this piece. Great perspective being from a child, though some clean-up editing could make it much more sharp...removing needless repetition would keep it from coming off contrived and trite.

Difficult subject matter deserves intelligent handling to be applicable for feelings of the readers to relate and this is where I have to differ from previous posts...there is a need for more feeling in this piece to be expressed. The writer touches on it, but it could be pushed a little further in my opinion. Specifically because it is from a 1st person POV. The child in this expresses little feeling about the fighting, and doesn't touch on the anticipatory anxiety of the act to come. What appears at the end feels of a repetitious happening to the reader so the character could display more anxiety in this.

This is a good piece and has potential to be better.

[Ryan Falzon - Tymon]

A very sad poem, I love it how the father at first seems loving and kind until we see his real intentions were. Beautiful, Beautiful right, my friend. Pure emotion laid down into permanent ink. It must be hard to write such words, let alone actually publish them. Great courage and Great work =).

[Joshua Smit]

very good!

[Drako]

this poem is very good. kinda surprised me, because it went in a far different direction than i thought. still very good work. this is a piece about a pain few can understand, and none would want to really understand. it speaks to me though

[Author Rucha Joshi]

Short sentences, great meaning...a very unique piece, I must say...Keep it up is all I can say...

[Dani]

"With his hands
Shhh its ok"

I'm not sure if this was intentional or not... without any punctuation it's hard to tell. But looking at the words in every combination I could find, this really caught my eye. It sounds as if he's trying to calm you with his hands, but really, he's calming himself.

This is a tough subject to write about. As others have said, this poem is very raw. While it is powerful, some of your choices of words or sentence structure seemed to take away from the effect of the piece for me. Don't get me wrong, you got your point across very well. Perhaps just a little bit of refining, shining, and polishing to give this poem a good finish could be considered. More precise words to give us a vivid image of what's happening and the emotions of the child.

In all, though.. this is a great write. Keep it up.

[PaperHearts]

This is definitely a hard issue to tackle, and I thought that you did it in the most intense way possible. Emotionally, this piece was really strong, and I thought that your style of writing in this piece was a reflection of that. I definitely do think that you need to go and proof-read this, as there were a few moments here and there where you seemed to drift between tenses, but other than that, this was a pretty solid write. Nice work,
~PaperHearts

[rash]

existential. why make such accounts rhyme?

[EmpressPoetess]

This reads more like a short story, more deadpan detail than emotional imagery, which is needed on such a deeply disturbing subject as this, to make it poetic. I applaud your courage in writing this. as an abuse survivor, I know how difficult it can be to put these feelings into words. All in all, this is very creative writing. Good job!

[Truman S. Booth]

Yikes. That really hit me. I gasped when I realized what the dad was doing (which is great; poetry is supposed to do that, but few works can).

My parents are divorced but used to fight a lot, so the first part brought back awful memories. And then you slapped us in the face with the ending... I was really expecting it to be a happy one.

Why? Who knows. Some people.

A disturbingly moving poem. Great write.

[Arthur Stewart]

the subject matter is obviously extremely difficult territory to wade through literature wise, although I feel you did a good job of touching on the subject and the pace was good too. I feel that with some more re-drafts and some punctuation this poem could become really great. Thanks.