Through the Rain: The Worst Thought.

Short story I wrote on December 23, 2007.

The young woman shoot up striaght, a cold sweat covered her body. After a moment or two she realized a couple tears ran down her face, briskly brushing them away she looked to her side. He was still there, breathing softly in and out. Raising her knees she rested her elbows on them and her head on her hands. After a  couple reasuring breaths, she stood up running her fingers through her hair. She stared at him. How could she possibly even dream that something like that would happen. Walking to the other side of the bed she wriggled herself to shape her body with his. Grumpily he asked her what she was doing "Just want to cuddle" she told him innocently. Grumping again, but this time not so annoyed he wraped his arm around her waist and told her that he loved her. "I love you too" she whispered, kissing the top of her head they both drifted into sleep.

Author's Note

Ignore spelling and/or grammar errors. Tell me what you liked and/or disliked; also, tell me how I can improve.

Reviews

[Ariadne President]

Hello! This story was a pretty interesting romantic experience to think up in my mind. But however, I did find a couple of errors in your work, like:

"The young woman shoot up striaght, a cold sweat covered her body. "

I know, I know you said that I should ignore spelling and/or grammar errors, but in order to become a better writer, you must first reread your work to see anything wrong with it. Also, the sentence, as quoted above is a run-on sentence. You should always look out for these things when reading because you want your sentences to flow easily, not tiring them, thus withdrawing their attention to the story itself. With all of that being said, you should write the sentence (Or should I say sentences?) like "The young woman shot up straight. A cold sweat covered her body."
Try studying the sentence above. The word shoot goes to shot because of past tense (Whenever telling a story, you must keep it in one consistent point of view, not two or more. If you so two or more point of views, that will confuse your readers and withdraw their attention also. Also, another method to spot those pesky looking spelling and grammar errors is to copy and paste your work into either Microsoft Word or Microsoft Word Processor. Those programs can catch spelling errors, grammar errors, and any fragmented sentences that may occassionally wander about upon the creativity and paragraphs of your work.

"How could she possibly even dream that something like that would happen."

For this sentence, all that you must do is replace the period in the end into a question mark. To put it simply, the sentence is not declarative but interrogative. Try to remember those English skills that you had learned in school.


"Just want to cuddle"

Whenever doing quotations in your prose writing, you must put a punctuational mark at the end of your sentence (Periods, question marks, exclamation marks, you name it). Just remember that quotations and dialect from the characters in your story are exactly like regular looking sentences, but with quotation marks surrounding it.


"Grumping again, but this time not so annoyed he wraped his arm around her waist and told her that he loved her."

Shouldn't grumping be the word 'grumbling' instead? All in all, I hope that I helped for your to become a better writer. Just remember these suggestions that I handed down to you in this in-depth critique and your story will be even greater. Thanks for sharing your work to the community also - it is a pleasure for me to read it. Take care:)