Through the Rain: Ghosts of the Past II

Second part of Ghosts of the past, this one is slightly confusing too.

The couple were intertwined in each other's arems, kissing, whispering sweet words of affection. The man wrapped his arms around her waist when suddenly he felt something cold and sticky. He pulled his hand away and it was coated in her blood. He looked back up at her and one of her eyes was lolling out of the socket. The man jumped in his bed, screaming, putting his head in his hands he began to sobb her name over and over again. "This shouldn't still be going on, it's been five years since she died." Hovering abother him she peered down with a worried look coating her pale round face. Once again the man began to sobb into his hands again. Now sitting in front of him, longing to comfert him, she took his hands and leaned into his chest "There, there my love" the woman curled closer into his chest. Once again, for the millionth time warmness seeped into his body, looking up curious he called out her name "Are you there?" Squeezing herself closer still to him, she looked up at his troubled face "Go back to sleep, you need to rest." All the man heard was a whisper in the wind, taking it as his sign he laid back down into a restless sleep.

Author's Note

Ignore spelling and/or grammar errors. Tell me what you liked and/or disliked also on how I could improve.

Reviews

[Ariadne President]

Sorry if I again bothered you about the spelling and/or grammar errors. From what I had read in the story, you had no grammatical errors whatsoever, but you did have spelling errors. I am saying this so that you can become an even better writer.

"The couple were intertwined in each other's arems, kissing, whispering sweet words of affection."

The sentence is not run-on, and I very much applaud your so much for that. However, the word "arem" exists in your sentence. What is an 'arem?' You also say the word arm instead throughout the rest of the story, so with that being said replace the word 'arem' with the correct spelling of the word 'arm.'


"He looked back up at her and one of her eyes was lolling out of the socket."

Don't you mean "rolling?'

"The man jumped in his bed, screaming, putting his head in his hands he began to sobb her name over and over again."

In this sentences lies a run-on and another spelling error. First of all, the word sobb is sob. Just erase the extra b off of the word, but don't worry about theat word's extra b - it does not make big of a deal. Second of all, you should write your sentence like "The man jumped in his bed, screaming and putting his head in his hands. He began to sob her name over and over." Just remember to try rereading your prose to see if any sentences are so long, that they may either tire your, withdraw your attention, or hurt your head.(I.e. a run-on sentence) This will also happen to your readers (also known as your audience that you are trying to draw your attention to). The sentence if run-on and so long may tire them, withdraw and detract their attention away from the story and last but not least, tire them.

""This shouldn't still be going on, it's been five years since she died."

In this sentence, on your prose story, the word five is in italics. (When I copied and pasted this quote to my comment, the italics marks disappeared for some odd reason.) Is there any reason why it is in italics? Italics can be used for emphasizing stuff (Which may lead to the usage of exclamation points), or any thoughts that the character (or maybe characters) are having in the present or possibly what the character(Or characters) had in the past. So maybe, the word five must have been emphasized, right? Also you can split the quoted sentence above into two sentences instead of one long one - to spare the tiresome task of making them reading a possible run-on. With all of that being said, you should write your sentence like "This shouldn't be going on. It's been five (keep the italics there) years since she died."

"Hovering abother him she peered down with a worried look coating her pale round face."

Did you actually mean to say the word "above" instead of the word "abother." (Is that above and another, put together?)

"Now sitting in front of him, longing to comfert him, she took his hands and leaned into his chest"

You should have a period in the end of the sentence to top it all off. Second, to top it all off, you should have the word "comfert" changed into the word "comfort" (Just omit the e out of the sentence and replace the vowel with yet another vowel - the letter o) All in all, this was a great story that you shared with writerscafe.org and for me, it is a pleasure to read your stories, as I enjoy them wholly. Just remember to watch out for those pesky spelling errors. One way of doing so is to copy and paste your work to either the programs Microsoft Word or Microsoft Word Processor. On those two programs, they can find spelling errors and fragmented errors. That way, you will have less spelling errors (typos) and any possible fragments on your work. That way, there will be less errors. I look forward to reading more and more of your works,Snuu Snuu. If you want to give me a read request then you can feel free to do so. I will do anything that is in my power to help you. You can even give me a private messagew if you want to read some of my works. This work is great, but will be even greater without the errors. Take care:)