Time to go (Epilogue)

Time to go (Epilogue)

A Story by Snowdog
"

A figure is in search of time its self, why? I don't know...who is he? Nobody knows

"
It was a dark night as a figure crept slowly along a dirty path towards a shadowed cathedral. Clutched tightly in his left hand was a Japanese katana, that glistened in the moon light. As the man reached the door of the shadowed cathedral he took one look round before reaching with his right hand to push the door open. It opened with a loud creak that startled the figure. He looked up and down the door before taking a step back and kicking it wide open taking in a deep breath, of anticipation, as the door swung wide open and hit the wall. 
The figure now clutched his katana in both hands and raised it to a point where the hilt of the katana was level with his chest. He began to step in, his left foot stepping first onto his tip toes to keep quiet then his right foot slowly sliding in front of the left. He walked like this, keeping an eye about him, but mainly towards the alter that had several candles lit up, casting an eerie light down onto an open, and what looked like an ancient, book. Suddenly the door slammed shut behind him, causing the figure to wheel round, his right hand out in front of him, his left holding his katana high above his head, pointing it at the door. He breathed quickly in fear but continued to take a step back towards the alter. 
The book slammed shut, causing the figure to turn round just as quickly, his katana poised and ready for action. A faint laughter was heard as the several candles began to dim and go out one by one.....

© 2011 Snowdog


Author's Note

Snowdog
Okay fellows, first review i don't want reviews just stating "ITS CRAP" because that doesn't help. This is an epilogue to the story that's about to come with it and I'd like to know what you thought of it in general to be honest :) What I am going for here is mysterious...why is he holding a katana? Why a cathedral and what's so significant about this book? This is what im trying to get the reader to think, so help me out guys :D

My Review

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I know what kind of advice you're looking for, but I don't know what kind of advice you're *not* looking for (i.e., ignore grammar/spelling, etc). If you want me to make those kind of corrections, I can.
Overall, avoid using the same words so many times (figure, shadowed cathedral, katana). Especially avoid using them twice in the same sentence, otherwise it just sounds repetitive. I know there are some cases where synonyms are hard to find - such as if you want to avoid saying "door" again - in which cases you might have to reword the whole thing, use the same word again anyway, or find a thesaurus. rhymezone.com is my best friend in cases like that.

As a scene, I like this. The visual in my head is chilling and makes me want to know who's laughing. For whatever reason I'm assuming it's a sexy villain. The candles going out one by one add to the creepy atmosphere.


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I think this is very descriptive and dark, which I really like. I can feel the anticipation and mysteriousness that you were going for. I know just enough to want to know more. My only critique is the double descriptions (which I think was described in the review below mine) such as using two terms one right after another, like Katana and shadowed. It's not a big deal, but it does interrupt the flow a little.

One way to avoid it is like in this sentence: "The figure now clutched his katana in both hands and raised it to a point where the hilt of the katana was level with his chest." You can just go with hilt, because we already know that he's wielding a katana. Like I said, not a biggie. I only noticed two instances of this.

Otherwise this is a very good piece to get the reader intrigued. I really want to read more/ find out what led up to this!


other suggestions:
-"Japanese katana, that glistened" I would change 'that' to 'which'

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I know what kind of advice you're looking for, but I don't know what kind of advice you're *not* looking for (i.e., ignore grammar/spelling, etc). If you want me to make those kind of corrections, I can.
Overall, avoid using the same words so many times (figure, shadowed cathedral, katana). Especially avoid using them twice in the same sentence, otherwise it just sounds repetitive. I know there are some cases where synonyms are hard to find - such as if you want to avoid saying "door" again - in which cases you might have to reword the whole thing, use the same word again anyway, or find a thesaurus. rhymezone.com is my best friend in cases like that.

As a scene, I like this. The visual in my head is chilling and makes me want to know who's laughing. For whatever reason I'm assuming it's a sexy villain. The candles going out one by one add to the creepy atmosphere.


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 26, 2011
Last Updated on June 26, 2011

Author

Snowdog
Snowdog

United Kingdom



About
love to write furry stories, star trek related stories and anything that comes to mind really, PM me and question me :D more..

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