No cage can hold a song

Could I be that bird?

Unaffected by its cage

Singing filled with hope

Author's Note

How is the grammar? What is the grammar problem? Did you think its was easily understood? Could i had done better? Please Rate 1 till 10

Reviews

[Dave W.]

Not bad at all, desire for freedom reflected, great haiku.

[Brandy]

Soft words of beauty cannot be caged, because the melody moves freely.

This is so beautifully written and presented.

[Snow_]

Ahh thanks

[Brandy]

: ) You're very welcome, Snow.

[emmajoygreen]

Personally I like the read-aloud sound of your poem, your meter count is song-like, the words themselves understood and no - you couldn't have done better. It has a heart.. so, for me, this is perfect. Why criticise for the sake of it!.

[Snow_]

Plss do not blame them. It was because i changed it 4 times already. I think this iteration looks infinitely better.

[Snow_]

Sorry I can not look to your profile. I am underaged but your poetry is for mature. Can not critique.

[emmajoygreen]

It's fine. Thank you telling me. :)

[Snow_]

Okay after reading a message they probably were(criticizing for the sake of it) or they do not know grammar, thanks

[emmajoygreen]

Take care of yourself, keep writing always, be happy - always. :)

[Snow_]

Thanks a lot

[emmajoygreen]

Missed a rating: 10.

[Snow_]

Thank you for you rating

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

first, loved the title. although, you could rewrite it as "No cage [can] contain songs."
"Could" refers to the past, which means that in the future it might be possible to contain a song in a cage!
If you use "can" in this sentence, it will mean "a cage never contained songs in the past, and will not do so in the future." I think that's what you wanted to say.
the poem itself is excellent. it uses symbolism effectively. I too want to be like that bird. as for grammar, you should put "?" at the very end; after "hope".
English grammar is very hard but you are quite a poet. I enjoyed reading this. it made me think how I should live my life. it made me feel like there is hope; that i can find happiness wherever i am.
I'm giving you a score of 70. but this is not because of the grammar errors. it's only because i prefer poems that are longer (remember, this is just my personal opinion).

[Snow_]

If i say can i be that bird? would it do something good?

[tumi]

A beautiful HAIKU 5-7-5,
well written

[Snow_]

Thank you for your review.