White wings

A girl: human, angel, devil, or monster? White wings that only appear under the moonlight... She hates her wings...? Can anything change her hate for her wings and make her give up on becoming human?

My heart skipped a beat as I heard the front door open. There was no way out of this now. I stood still, staring at the doorway and the uninvited person, but it was way worse than what I had imagined. There, standing at the doorstep was Josephine, the meanest girl in my class. Neither of us spoke a word; we just stood there, staring at each other. I opened my mouth to explain, but not a single word came out. Josephine screamed and ran out of the house. Of course, no human being wouldn't be frightened to see a girl with white feathered wings floating in mid-air.

 

I am not a human, nor angel , or devil. I am a monster whose wings grow out whenever I'm in contact with the moonlight. I know my secret will be revealed some day, but I just seemed to have bad enough luck to have forgotten to lock the front door of my house that day. I did wonder why Josephine came over though; we hardly talked to each other. If only God was nice enough to have created me as a normal human being, then I wouldn't have to face the pain of my classmates judging me as a monster. However, no matter how many times I wished for it, I knew my wish would never be granted.

 

The next day arrived really soon, but as usual, I still had to attend school early in the morning. I was well prepared for the screaming and shouting to start as soon as I walked into the class. Everything happened just as I predicted. The girls screamed and shouted as I walked in. I kept my head down and eyes on the ground as I walking towards my seat and sat down. The screaming became louder and louder. I looked up and saw everyone crowding around the computer. It was only then that I realised that they were screaming out the famous idol Justin Bieber's name. My secret was safe, at least for now.

 

Josephine didn't turn up to class at all (which I considered a good thing). I kind of felt sorry for her though, she must've been scared to death after seeing that sight. Now that I think about it, she doesn't have any friends at school; I've always seen her by herself. At school, she has a very bad reputation of a trouble maker, no one likes her.

 

I walked up the clear, empty streets to the train station to get home. I looked around, wondering if anyone was here, but as usual, the station was empty. Suddenly, at the corner of my eye, I spotted Josephine walking towards the train ticket machine. This was my chance! I could tell Josephine to keep everything that happened yesterday a secret!

I ran up to her and said, "Hey Josephine! You know what happened yesterday, could you please-"

Wahh, Monster, go away!" she screamed as she took several steps backwards.

"Wait, watch out!"

It was too late; Josephine fell backwards onto the train tracks. I jumped down after her, she seemed to have fainted. Without warning, I heard a loud 'BEEEEP' coming from a train that was charging right towards us! I used all my energy trying to lift Josepine up, but I wasn't strong enough. "God," I prayed, "please save us!" In a flash, my white wings grew out as I soared into the air with Josephine grasped tightly in my hands. Everything happened all in a millisecond; the train miss us just by an inch!

 

"Are you okay Josepine?" I asked while gasping for air. Josephine opened her eyes.

"Whoa! I just dreamt of being run over by a train!" she blurted out.

"Well, we almost did!" I giggled.

Josephine realised what happened. "Why did you save me? You could have just let me die! Won't your secret be safe then?" she wailed.

"My secret isn't that important," I told her, "At least compared to someone's life!"

Tears streamed down Josephine's face, "I'm sorry!" she sobbed, "The truth is, I've already told everyone about your secret early in the morning, but no one would believe me since I'm always selfish and mean. I ran away from school because of that, and somehow, I ended up here."

"It's okay," I patted her shoulder, "After all, you're a good girl now that you've realised it, it's not too late to change!"

"Actually, it's because I'm jealous of those girls who have friends. Why is it that they get to have fun together while I'm all by myself?" Josepine protested.

"So you want friends, right? If you like, I would be happy to be your friend!" I insisted cheerfully.

"Really?" Josephine asked, lifting her head up.

"Of course! As long as you agree to keep my secret safe!" I laughed.

 

We waved goodbye to each other as my train arrived. I was really glad to have Josephine as my friend and also that my secret was safe. However, most of all, I'm glad that I was born with wings!

 

 

Author's Note

Thank you so much for reading this (if you somehow managed to get to the end of this story...) I really appreciate it! Once again, please tell me areas I can improve on in this writing (a bit long, I know). Hope you enjoyed this (though I think this might have been a bit boring)!
P.S I didn't include this in the story but the girl's name is Elisabeth (I only realised until I proofread it, not sure whether or not you're interested though). I just wanted your opinion but 2 questions (please answer the in the review section - you don't have to answer them):
1. How old do you think the main characters are?
2. Where do you think Elisabeth's parents are (or did she have any in first place)?
Okay, the answers (once again, not included in story but was planned):
1. They are around 12 - 13 yrs old, I guess... ^o^ (you might've thought they were younger...)
2. She didn't have any parents, they gave birth to her but somehow disappeared, she has been living by herself since she was 4 years old and doesn't remember anything about them... Her school fees and living fees are paid by the government and her house once belonged to her unknown parents... Pretty complicated isn't it?
Sorry, if the story isn't interesting, I bet this isn't either. Anyways, I would be very happy if you posted anything about the story or improvements in the review.
Thanks again! ^-^

Reviews

[Marie]

I would have thought the characters were olver, aabout 16 or 17. And I didn't thing Elizabeth had parents, since she is not really h uman. I don't believe her name is necesary to the story.

This is an interesting concept, and it isn't boring. It's a little moralistic, but there's really nothing wrong with that.

[SnowRabbit]

Thank you so much for even bothering to review this, Marie. I'm really glad to hear that it isn't so boring (unless if you were being too nice). Anyways, the truth is, I actually imagined them to be around 15 years old when I created the characters, but I thought I made them a little childish so it became around 13 yrs old. It doesn't really matter though, I suppose! ^-^ Hehe, thanks again! P.S It was kind of mortalistic (in fact, quite a few of my stories are) so I hope that doesn't count as a bad thing... ^u^

[A. L. Allen]

Hi! You probably have absolutely no idea who I am, but I kind of stumbled across this and decided to leave a review. :)

This concept is very interesting. I like the whole fact that her wings appear only in the moonlight, but also show themselves in times of greatest need. I also like how she forgave the school trouble-maker and became friends with her instead. I think it shows a very idealistic way of how we ought to treat others. :)

I do have a few suggestions for you, though. I think what you have started out with is great. It serves as a good basis to make it something more. In this piece, you use a lot of 'telling' language rather than 'showing' language. Part of the fun for a reader is to be able to see the action in their own way rather than having it all dictated to them. I think it would greatly improve this piece if you added more imagery so that they can better picture what's going on. (e.g. smells, sounds, appearance)

Also, it feels to me that there's a lot missing from the story. A good place to start would be the questions that you have in your Author's Note. If you feel the need to tell your readers outside of the actual story some of the background information, it's probably good indication for you to find some way to actually incorporate it in to the story.

Overall, I think you have a great start on this. With some polishing, I think you could take this very far. Nicely done! :)