Forsaken Me

Forsaken Me
By: Adam M. Snow

Night by night, I lie awake wishing for soothing rain,
With loss of hope and faith I ask to ease this lonely pain.
With feeling lost and full of doubt, struggling through this frozen time,
And this stench of lies between the worldly grime,
Now follows behind me forevermore.
I hear the ghost of mine alone calling throughout the night,
With darkness within his voice, tormented with delight.

"Forsaken me" must he said.
And I, afraid of what now to come.
"Forsaken me" the voice grows strong.
And I, longing for what now to come.

But thus this be but a dream or thus this be but a life without a dream?
A life without faith and hope and all, does it seem?
Could this be but a mirror of my life?
Forsaken me, is all I hear,
Yet it shows me, itself is fear,
And I ponder to why it is here.
Could it be that death is near?

"Forsaken me" must he said.
And I, afraid of what now to come.
"Forsaken me" the voice grows strong.
And I, longing for what now to come.

Again, must I go through this,
The feeling of emptiness,
And the knowledge that all could end,
And this heart to not be mend?
Again, must I go through this,
To throw myself back into abyss?

"Forsaken me" must he said.
And I, afraid of what now to come.
"Forsaken me" the voice grows strong.
And I, longing for what now to come.

Maybe it's time to face my ghost,
And all the things that I boast,
And forsaken me nonetheless,
And free myself from all the stress.
Now I lie myself to sleep,
Forsaken myself with terrible heap.

"Forsaken me" the voice goes on,
Even 'gainst the blackest of dawn.
"Forsaken me" forevermore,
With every burden I must bore.

I see the ghost in tainted light,
Following the waking of the night.
Condemn me, condemn me,
It knows not what this curse may be.
Forsaken me, forsaken me,
Let my broken life see.

"Forsaken me" must he said.
And I, afraid of what now to come.
"Forsaken me" the voice grows strong.
And I, longing for what now to come.

My life's in shackles,
My misery, my hackles,
My longing for redemption.
I see a door, cracked and torn,
As I bow my head to mourn,
For my endless shadow of my endless fate,
Swallowed by everything that I hate.

"Forsaken me" the voice goes on,
Even 'gainst the blackest of dawn.
"Forsaken me" forevermore,
With every burden I must bore.

Must this ghost be me but an echo of what yet to come?
The presence I feel, the nameless numb.
Must this be my suffering end?
Must I now make amend,
With but a single heartache,
On the night of my Irish wake?

"Forsaken me" the voice goes on,
Even 'gainst the blackest of dawn.
"Forsaken me" forevermore,
With every burden I must bore.

Could it be that the ghost I spoke of,
Could it be that it's really me?

Gone from this world, lonely as can be.

Forsaken, as the years go by,
And to find all things must die.
Being left in solitude,
Cold and alone and yes, even nude.
Myself I now forsaken,
Curse to sleep and never awaken.

Reviews

[Brytt]

I have to agree with the others: this is remiscent of Poe. Ah, sweet nostalgia...

I worry a bit about the voice. I think that, at times, it's hard to follow. It adds tot he wonder, but it may be hard to interpret for some.

But I definately got the feeling of an old celtic/christian mix. Beautiful images, very unique ideas, and developed style. I love that you've been working on your rhymed/not rhymed pattern that I've seen in your other poems. It makes your writing raw and unique. Keep doing that, Snow; it really works as an identifier.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Really nice... love the ending.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like how you wrote the story. Brought the reader in and made them want to find out more. The repetition made the story stronger. The ending was amazing. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Daytonight]

Wow! Really good. Keep on penning.

[DontBlink158]

Its a very powerful poem and i really enjoyed it!

[Becky C Strukamp]

Powerful write. Yes, I agree with Kenneth, could be a song.

[Victorious]

Hmmmm, this line was a little confusing to me, "With darkness within his voice, tormented with delight." Who was tormented the voice, or you? Mainly the words behind the comma. "tormented with delight" Is the voice tormenting something with delight or what?

And then I didn't quite understand the use of this word, "hackles." What is that exactly. I looked it up and it means "bird neck's feather" unless that was used in the old days or something. I don't know.

Maybe you went a little overboard with the repetition. One or two times should get your point across and convey the mood of a haunting. As for the classic feel, well, some poetry is not meant for everybody. Poe's work wasn't made for everybody either, so Im fine with the voice.

However, I favor the last stanza, the final moment of death, I presume. Well, I think it was conveyed beautifully dark and I receive an eerie ending. I love eerie endings, especially of this one.

Good job, an entertaining read.

Sincerely Livana Lowell (LL)

God Bless

[Miss Marie Riorden.]

To be honest, if this was a poem like I was suggested it should be (since there is no other point to lead me anywhere else), I really didn't like the two repeating stanzas. They were really unnecessary. I can understanderstand repeating them once at the beginning and maybe once at the end, but 3 maybe 4 times. No, other than that the piece was great. Hard to read since it was a little lengthy, but the rhyme was great.
And if this IS a song. Ignore the above comment.

-Marie-

[Kenneth The Poet]

Grab a guitar, chord this out, and make a demo recording. Favorited.

[Audrey Howitt]

This does have a classical feel to me as well--especially with the repeating stanza. It is kind of spooky, but in amorphous way to me--Really well done!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A truly in your face, morbid affair with the bells and whistles of the classical writers, a masvellous feat, well done, great read.