Goodbye, my love

The candles were flickering in her room as she finally sat down for the first time that day. She could see the forest from her seat on the window ledge. For the first time in a long time she was alone. She reveled in the silence, pulled it around her like a blanket and let it quiet her thoughts. She took a deep breath, letting the cold fresh air fill her lungs; it was just her and her thoughts now. Nothing else. She closed her eyes, free the delve deep into her mind, pulling out random thoughts or memories, allowing them to briefly flicker before her eyes.  

With a sigh she opened her eyes again, taking in her surroundings, now resting under the beautiful embrace of nightfall. The mountains rose high, their peaks ever stretching towards the vast starry skies. She couldn't see it now, but she knew that right behind the tree line the lake, now frozen would glisten silver under the cold moonlight. She pictured that breathtaking sight and focused on her senses; smelled the scent of woods that floated in the night air, heard the trees creak under the heavy snow load, let the wind carres her bare feet, dangling gently from the ledge as she gingerly ran the tip of her fingers over the smooth cold wood. For a second, her mind went black as she allowed herself to be carried into a world not her own.  The silence was so deep and absolute that she could even hear her own thoughts. She finally let them loose after trying to push them away for so long.

They broke free, slamming the gates of her mind wide open with a brutal force. There was no stopping them so she let herself go, she let herself be overtaken by every memory she had worked so hard to push away. 

"Saying goodbye is probably one of the most difficult things to do in life. It's something that I would much rather not think of, to be honest. No matter what it is we are saying goodbye to, no matter for how long the feeling of loss is still there. Life is change, that much is clear to me." 

Hot tears of pain started rolling down her cheeks as she thought about him. She saw his face, right in front of her eyes, smiling at here with those beautiful blue eyes. She felt the warmth of his hands gliding all over her back and arms as he moved in from behind to touch her. Felt his lips laying soft kisses on her neck, whispering sweet words of love in her ear. The wind slammed into her. Breathless, she opened her eyes again, struggling to regain control. As she did, she let out an agonizing cry as she screamed at nothing in particular. She screamed as hard as she could, maybe someone would hear her, maybe someone would come take away her pain. Nothing. She was alone.

She thought about their last embrace, last kiss, last touch, last longing look. She screamed again, not at loud as she had before. This was a deeper cry, a cry filled with sorrow and anguish. She had let go of the love of her life, coerced by the pattern imposed by life in society.

"How can this be right? How can this be fair? How can this be the end of it?"

Time became meaningless as she sat there in her misery, crying until her tears ran dry. The only comfort to her was the beautiful peaceful nature that surrounded her from all directions. This had been their safe haven, their paradise, their retreat. She knew every twig in the forest, every path, every meadow, ever little stream making its way downwards for they had often wandered senselessly together through these parts. Enjoying nothing but each other, completely disconnected from the outside world. And they were happy.

Vaguely she registered that here feet were now freezing and that she'd lost all feeling in her arms and face. She didn't care; her body was becoming as numb as she felt on the inside. Maybe if she would sit there still long enough she would turn into a beautiful ice statue.  A statue that would forever gaze over the endless woods, a statue that would always bare in its defiant eyes eternal love for one man alone.

She was shivering and the sun was rising once more as she climbed back into her room, slammed the window shut and wrapped a blanket around her body. Weary of her travels, and perhaps of life itself she sat down on the bed and tried to warm herself up. She drifted off, half asleep half awake. She felt the bed move as someone sat down next to her and gently stroked her face and hair, a touch all too familiar to her. She didn't even have to open her eyes in order to know who it was. 

"I couldn't. I just couldn't let you go,"he whispered in her ear as he laid down next to her, gently pulling her closer to his warm body and snuggling her tight.

She smiled then, her body and mind lighting up with the happiness that he had always brought with him. She fell asleep that morning  in his arms, knowing that she is safe and loved once more

Reviews

[Milady_Alice_Clare]

This is beautiful. I love the way you incorporate nature and all the different senses. I love nature and it is a real comfort at times, the sheer effortless beauty of it. Think you capture the pain of loss well. Wasn't expecting that twist at the end, but nice to have a happy ending. A lovely piece

[SnowCat]

Thank you very much! I am happy that you liked my story and that all the emotions I want to convey reached you.