Free

I had been listening to the U2 song "Bad" at the time i wrote this. It's such a beautiful song, but it's about heroine addiction. I wanted a poem like that.

Free, free is all I wish to be and know.

To lie in fields and watch the skies for snow.

Drifting in and out of myself, losing

Every detail and all colored musings.

Freedom is fire, burning down a white

Mountain in an ocean of silver might.

With a metal arrow to break the skin,

And a plastic piston to push it in.

This is my freedom! The end of my mind!

As I break my ties, leave them all behind,

I’ll separate my needs and wants so I

Can be free, in my snowy field to die.

Author's Note

I really don't try to have rhyme in most of my poems. But does it work here? And my main concern with this is that you can still get the meaning through the imagry. Can you get that from the poem?

Reviews

[Mike Espinosa]

Your rhyming does not feel forced. It still seems somewhat natural. So, if this is not in your comfort zone or it's one of your first times trying to rhyme, you did very well. "watch the skies for snow" almost alludes to cocaine, which, in a poem about heroin addiction, can be complimentary or distracting. I saw it as a dual addiction, which furthered my sympathy for the speaker. I liked that. I think the meaning is still clear. It didn't suffer too much (I imagine) from being rhymed. Overall, a very good poem.

[Lorraine]

Contrary to what others say, I find some of the rhymes forced. "Freedom is fire, burning down a white/Mountain in an ocean of silver might". I get what it's trying to say but I think you can tell it in a better way. But I do have to say that the message still comes across without directly pointing it out.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Sasha]

The rhyme definitely worked. I love this poem. It's very well-written and your imagery/message is clear. Excellent.

[Christina May Shanaberg]

I enjoyed reading this poem and look forward to more of your creativity, in the future. Shower us with your words! The poem flowed along, quite nicely, and said alot, very clearly.

[BELLA]

i loved it

[Gomer LePoet]

you did a good job here Tyler. There is no reason to rhyme, not every time.

[Ruth]

I wish we could all be free in a world where freedom is known in its true sense! A great and powerful poem hon xx