Exhausted

The image is a lone surrvivor of a war. i had been studying WWI at the time i wrote this, and the images of of a bombed out, desecrated europe stood out in my mind.

Exhausted.

By Tyler Pryor

 

 

The sky has fallen and man has fought

I am solitary in my trench

 

Blackened land, blasted to ruin

No grass to feel. No drop to drink.

 

I pass on through, in the wraith like land

I bring my gun, and all my remains

 

Barbed wire chokes the earth, craters mark its side

My wounds still bleed anew, my body marred

 

I fall to the ground. Is this all that remains?

No fruit? No life? To be a ghost, to be alone.

 

One tree on an open hill.

I stagger and run up hill.

 

Green. Breathing. Alive is the tree in scattered soil

If life can grow in this earth, then life can be in me

Author's Note

Do any motifs or literary elements stick out in particular? does it use good imagry? Oh, and i do leave punctuation out on perpose at time. Is it good?

Reviews

[Lorraine]

The imagery is fine, but will do better with more intense wordings since this is a war, and to communicate such tragic emotions, more words are needed. I like the thoughts flowing with every line but admittedly, you lost me at the last stanza. There's something confusing about it, along with the fact that it doesn't seem aligned to the title. Anyways, still an interesting piece.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Ruth]

The imagery is excellent friend! I like it a lot:) Your choice of description is vivid:)

"Green. Breathing. Alive is the tree in scattered soil
If life can grow in this earth, then life can be in me " ..I love these two lines, a great ending to a piece that is reflective and makes you think:) xx

[Mike Espinosa]

I liked the rhetorical question sequence, as well as the anthropomorphic actions you used. This is a well written poem and it tells a good story. Well done.