On Your Birthday

Happy Birthday Tim!

On your Birthday I wish
you a cool breeze,
calorie free Snapple
and a skinny girl to bring it
to your room.

On your Birthday I want
you to laugh and smile
because you deserve
to be worry free and
forget your troubles.

On your Birthday I hope
you know how much
you're loved and admired
for the person that
you are today.

Reviews

Anaphoric verse always works for me. It is simple and fun, and drives the point home. It enables the reader to stay focused on what is being said, and does not give room for error. This will work in all types of poems, whether sad or happy, and builds climactic tension wonderfully. I wonder though, if it is completely necessary; after all, the title does give it away quite a bit. Try reading it without the repetition of the title in each stanza and see if it sounds good to you.

I like the energy you put into this simple message. You could have just said that you cared about this person, and that would be that, end of story right? no. The way you built the tension right up to the end with the long simple sentences in each stanza really enabled the reader to feel what you were saying. Nice job. Thanks.

[Mark]

A sweet thought for a good friend. Now I suppose I'll have to go get to know HIM, now, too! Ugggh! (Just kidding, of course!)

[Alicante lullaby]

i wish him all the very best...haven't been logging in for a eek or so...so a late happy birthday...Tim...live a 1000 yrs more.

[Steve]

So very sweet!! I wonder if Tim will print this off and save it.....so nice.

[The Analog Kid]

Happy Birthday Tim! What a beautiful day is is out there today. I know mw son will be glad because it's his too!

Pat

[*]

Wow, what can I say. I'm flattered and my cheeks are rosy red. Thank you so much for this great poem in my honer. I'm still looking for the skinny girl but there IS a cool breeze outside and I intend to walk in it for a while. LOL Thank you very much. I'm very lucky to have a friend like you.

[*]

Hard to believe it's been three years since you wrote this. Hope you're doing well if you ever see this.

Tim.

[Ruth]

Happy Birthday Time! Have a good one hon! xx

[Marie Harrison]

Happy Birthday Tim! I hope you have the birthday of your dreams and much more. A refreshing cold Snapple too. We Love You! Happy Birthday! You are the reason I'm even here!

[.]

Ah--what cute-sweet-lively-loving write!!!
i love this poem--every verse made me smile :-)
i really love-love this!!!

james:-)