Abandoned

This is a little tale of an unpublished book...lost and forgotten..

In the ocean of papers and binds,
With large desks and larger blinds.
Smothered with murmurs and silences of its kind,
Seeking the reek of human flesh, an alien touch of any kind.
It lies in a crevice, unnoticed by mankind,
Waiting and waiting for a miraculous find.
Years it has been, or so it feels.
When a pair of eyes, envisioned its seams.
It lies there waiting, with a story to tell,
Dungeons and dragons and castles and cells.
The wrath of time, hath hit it hard.
Withered are its pages, with many a bard.
Depressed and lost, it hears all noises,
Clicking and flicking and changing their poises.
Still lying there, dreaming of its find,
Abandonment in its fate, destined to face its plight.

Author's Note

This particular piece of poetry is something that some people have loved and some people have disliked. Also, mostly my critiques have told me that my writing style is vague, but then again, I am a private person...vagueness helps me set up a facade! Anyway, hopefully you like this, feel free to drop your reviews, feedback is always welcome. That's how I'll learn!

Reviews

[Ashley Lytle]

I truly enjoyed this poem. It is really great. I wanted to read it all. To hear every word in this story you just told. I loved the way it sounded with the rhymes, and I loved the way it flowed. You wrote an entertaining poem here. Great work!

[Cody]

Fantastic poem, I felt like the rhymes were generally clever and interesting if a bit inconsistent, which is fine. I didn't mind that the rhyme scheme sort of meandered about, sometimes it didn't rhyme at all, sometimes it had rhymes at the end of the line and sometimes in the middle. it felt natural and flowed well regardless. But having "kind" at the end of a line 3 times in a row like that is a little much for me, even if it's not really meant to rhyme. It just feels somewhat repetitive and distracting.

The whole thing comes across as generally clever and witty to me. The poem seems to be about a book sitting on some dusty shelf in a library somewhere waiting for somebody to 'find' it and enjoy its contents. Very imaginative and evocative language being used as well, for example:

"Clicking and flicking and changing their poises."

'changing their poises' in particular is great. The subtle sound of peoples clothes rustling as they adjust themselves in their seats to get more comfortable. That can only be noticed in very quiet environments, like a library for example. It vividly conjures memories and images in my head by connecting with that subtle little observation. Also the rhyme is a clever word choice, I never would have thought to use that word there.

Also your word choice is nice too, that's something I struggle with. "envisioned its seams. " I would have probably written as "looked at it's seams" or something equally as mundane. I'm always impressed and a bit jealous when I see people with the ability to write such flowery language.

Really enjoyed reading this it feels dense and lean. No lazy/filler lines everything feels well thought out and 'hand crafted' if that makes sense. Thanks for sharing!

[Smriti Shandil]

Thank you very much. Your appraisal means a lot. You sound like a well read person. Would really appreciate your assessment of my other work also. I crave for people who are fully abreast with the language and can help me grow as a writer. :-)

[Cody]

I saw your other poem but chose not to comment on it as it's obviously deeply personal and so I feel somewhat uncomfortable 'reviewing' something like that. I'm very new to this website but I think I've subscribed to you so I'm guessing I'll get some sort of notification when you post a new poem. I'll be glad to give you some feedback on anything else you post. Though I really am not very well read or particularly knowledgeable so take everything with a grain of salt :p

[Ratish Kumar]

This is something of the kind I like. Good work.

[Shita Vyas]

Finally I got here! I really like how the piece is a full package of awesome scheming with words... Also it captures emotions splendidly. Great job!

[M.E.Lyle]

Vague or not, I like your style and how you elude to certain things without coming straight out and telling
everything there is to know. You allow the reader's imagination to fill in the missing pieces. Great job and great writing.

[Rananjay Bika]

Your writing is as good as it gets!
I am eager to see more content from you.
P.S you deserve a lot of attention