who am i? HELP!!! :(

What i feel on the 16th July 2008 at 2.49 am :(

I feel i have no control as if i am trapped in a huge bubble unable to be me anymore :(

No one to really try and open to to talk to deeply.

My boyfriend say i can talk to him but it's weird i need a friend someone a girl pal a boy pal someone seprate from a relationship.

I totally agree with being open in a relationship but surly you sort the problem out first right?

I feel like a tearful little girl in her bedroom again being shouted at over and over :(

My lips tremboling and no on ever f*****g taking notice :(

I have no on ever to talk to Donna my friend who has been there she is busy with her life expectin her lil girl soon and i don't wanna put stress on her :(

And truly i have no one else to talk to.

Am i fighting this battle alone?

Is it me against the force?

Am sat up at 2.37am and what am i doing thinking!

I thought things would change when i moved here?

Why do i feel am slipping back again.

I'm bored and using my life up every second counts i lay here thinking :(

I wanna run i wanna swim i wanna smell that mid morning air!

But all i get is this the net the cure to my boredom.

The only thing that connects me to my family and my very few friends.

The truth is am scared am nealry eighteen and i feel like am 8!

I'm scared i'll go wrong make the wrong discion the wrong choice.

Turn the wrong way take the wrong path :(

I feel ugly within myself!

I feel people staring at me and laughing.

I feel me slipping into nothing :(

I'm not me i don't know who i am any more am losing every piece of me!

All i have is a passport to check that it's actually me!

WHO AM I?

DO ANYONE WANT ME?

DO I HAVE TO ASK FOR PEOPLE TO LOVE ME?

I really am losing myself.

My nightmares get worst and worst i feel people after me trapping me wanting me dead.

I'm slipping and no one is noticing me at all.

My only choice to get attention and for a release is to slit my skin and release blood.

I love the sight of my own blood i feel a little of a release.

Poeple look at my scars and i don't care i say cat scratch they believe me.

I press and scratch up and down like a chicken scratch till it bleeds.

Anything scissors paper clip anything i can get my hands on.

I don't do it anymore but i have such an urge to sometimes.

I get depressed and tearful and in the middle of thwe night i cut deep.

No one cares.

I want someone to hug me so close like my dad would do when i was little and kiss me on my head tell me it's okay!

Tell me i'm anything i wanna be!

Anything i can be is just a step away.

All i urge is Please please help me!

I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?

xXxNight NitexXx

XSweet DreamsX

Author's Note

SORRY 4 MISTAKES ENJOY X