The Match

There was once a run down town. All the houses had overgrown plants climbing on the walls. The metal pipes were rusted to a crisp copper. During the day the roads were silent the only noises come from a few passing cars, some kids that walk home from the school and the rushels in the bushes that come from the neighborhood cat. It has its own basic newspaper just stating the local news. Nothing special happens, therefore the people don’t really try to reach beyond the horizons.

In the silent town lives a boy. Not that tall and not that short. He has dark brown hair the color of dark fudge. His routine hasn’t changed for years. He simply walks to school and then sits alone in his room. He always has his headphones on blocking out the world. Never once had he thought of this town as interesting and not once had he cared about it. That all changed on a tuesday. That day he woke as usual. Drank his piping hot coffee and ate some toast. He grabbed his bag and slipped in on his shoulder and left to school. As he enter the classroom he slowly walked to the last seat. He heard the murmurs of his classmates. He couldn’t care less he simply put in his earphones and stared out the window. In homeroom they talked about heroes. He found it funny and pathetic that these kids still held onto the hope of heroes. There was one sentence though that caught his ears. His homeroom teacher said “When a hero is born wings sprout of his back and they are visible for only a split second.” He wondered how it would be to sprout wings or even see them. He found it impossible so he silently went back to his own world. Every now and then the teacher would call on him but when he didn’t respond they returned to the class. At the end of the day he took the longer path to get home. It was the same as always until he smelt something. It was smoke and it wasn’t the smell from beef on the grill nor the smell of cookies baking. He began to speed up. Then he saw something if the sky. It was smoke real smoke. The smoke from flames. He began to run. All of sudden he came to a stop. He was face to face with a burning house. Flames inside and out. it was brighter than the sun and hot than the earth's core. Without hesitation he ran in. The boy didn’t even know what he was doing but it was as if her body was possessed he ran all around the house until he saw a match. It was standing upright and it was brighter and hotter than all the flames surrounding him. He slowly walked up. He puckered his lips and he didn’t hear the bang of the door as the firemen ran in he simply blew out the candle. The firemen were behind him and saw. The second he blew it out all the flames around disappeared and the house was in tact. If you ask those firemen about it today they could swear that they saw wings on his back even if it was just for a split second.

Reviews

[Jennifer Jax]

Geez. Okay. To be fair, I am a former English teacher. So, please forgive me if this is a tougher review than some. Here goes:

Grammatical errors pervade this piece. They are in every single paragraph. This is not just an issue of mechanics. It's disrupting your flow. That's a shame, because the basis for the story is intriguing.

I like the description of the boy in a general sort of way, although I would probably add something to it to make him seem just a bit more unique. I don't mean unique in a way that would make him stand out from a crowd. The whole point is that he's average and it works. Don't alter that. Let me just throw in my two cents on how I would write this if it was my story. That will be easier. I'm going to take the opening up through the word 'Tuesday.'

Sample re-write: "A boy walked alone through the run-down town. Ivy ran wild against the neglected stucco siding of the houses. Gutters and downspouts once shiny and new were now rusted dull. The quiet noise of a passing car and the rustle of a bush as a cat emerged did not reach the boy through his headphones. He kicked a copy of the thin, local newspaper off of the sidewalk. The paper boy had missed again.

The town's newspaper was always thin. There was nothing to fill it. Nothing happened in this obscure place. Never had. Never would.

For this reason, the boy was never concerned about missing something as he walked along with his ever-present headphones. He was an unremarkable boy and drew not even a glance from the man mowing his lawn. He was neither short nor tall and his brown hair fell in a dark mop just above his eyebrows. He walked to school today as he had every other day and as he would for every day this year. And the next. And the one after that. The little town did not care about him and he did not care about it. But that all changed on a Tuesday in May.

So, there you have it. Love it or hate it. That's my two cents.

[Smokey]

Thank you
I don't mind that your comment is a tad harsher than normal it is very helpful :)read moreThank you
I don't mind that your comment is a tad harsher than normal it is very helpful :)
I apologize for the grammatical mistakes I'm trying to get better :P

[Craig2591]

An unexpected ending indeed. I enjoyed it. However, there are a LOT of grammatical errors and misspellings. You need to do a thorough proofread of it again.

[Hamsa Priya]

I liked the way you have characterized the boy. Although a few grammatical errors then and there, you have the potential to rise above that. Keep up the good work.

[Bill Grimke-Drayton]

I love this story of magic, which revolves around the narrow circumference of this young boy's world. You have a way of drawing us all into his life, and walking alongside him. I could smell the smoke. I could sense his urgency. He did what needed to be done. I assumed that she was his mother, but it was hinted at. You deliberately implied some details to the story, and left to up to us to work out what was happening. Good! Thank you.

[Shadowkai]

I know I'm quick :)
I loved it and though here and there a few grammar mistakes altered the flow, it was still very interesting.
I see great potential in you
Just keep writing
Great Job
Shadowkai

Oh and by the way i recommend using grammarly, it is an extension for chrome and it helps a ton.