Far From Me

Far From Me

A Poem by AnnaMae
"

Wishing for someone to understand yourself.

"
I am here,
but where are you?
Are you drowning in this world too?
Roaming the world in search of each other,
our bodies and souls meant to mingle together. 
Stars gather amid the navy blue sanctity,
as people clatter in the throngs of the city.
Not yet realizing my own strength and power,
I lay naked beneath the moon's sacred shower.
It forces me to shed ideals and undress
and find the point of my distress.
My soul tries to balance in the wind
and tries to clarify the moment I dwell within.
You are a distant star
embedded in the sky afar.
Set among the millions, unable to grasp,
on stale soil, I'm about to collapse.
If only we could find each other,
bodies and souls meant to mingle together. 

© 2014 AnnaMae


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Reviews

Admirable lines: "I lay naked beneath the moon's sacred shower.
It forces me to shed ideals and undress
and find the point of my distress..."

Very nice choice of words. Liked the depth of your insights. Good work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


AnnaMae

10 Years Ago

thanks! :)
There really is some strong imagery in here and lyric choice of words. 'I lay naked beneath the moon's sacred shower/It forces me to shed ideals and undress' is very powerfully written. 'On stale soil, I'm about to collapse/I'm a blank slate of sadness'--very nice stuff. It's only the rhyming that at times seems somewhat artificial. I would advise you not to restrict yourself unless it feels natural. If you find yourself searching simply for a rhyming word, there's probably a far better choice. Again, nicely done!

Posted 10 Years Ago


AnnaMae

10 Years Ago

Yeah, i particularly am not crazy about rhyming sadness with madness and sanctity with city. They fe.. read more
I think you have a very interesting premise here that is completely brilliant.

Your concept of flow is very good and your descriptions are excellent.

Posted 10 Years Ago


AnnaMae

10 Years Ago

Thank you very much. :)
This is a really nice piece! I really like how you captured the human need to feel present and connected to something, someone who can make you feel alive. Well Done :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


AnnaMae

10 Years Ago

awesome, thanks :)
From the first lines, I knew this was going to be a good piece. You balanced imagery with self reflection smartly. I also appreciated your alliteration, intentional or unintentional. It read itself very well. Great job !

Posted 10 Years Ago


AnnaMae

10 Years Ago

thank you! it means a lot. :)

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421 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on March 16, 2014
Last Updated on August 23, 2014
Tags: sad, love, soulmate, moon, nature, stars, sky, boy

Author

AnnaMae
AnnaMae

Chicago, IL



About
Hello! I'm AnnaMae. I'm vegetarian and love animals, people, anime, and nature. Tranquility and understanding are what i strive for. I wish to become a better writer, so feel free to critique me. more..

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