Sweet Defeat

The demise of one person because of the cruelty from others.

Every name they insulted me with left a scar deeply embedded within me until they became engraved in my lucid mind. The only sanctuary left was my own room in which I isolated myself from criticism. I had tried painstakingly for so long to stay strong, but eventually everything weakens with time. Everyday whispers of abuse were carried by lips as I attempted to ignore them. Cruel taunts were tossed my way to encourage a reaction out of me.  A dam broke inside my head releasing the built up fluctuation of memories and my sanity disintegrated. A frozen reflection stared at me and I dug my nails into my skin to keep from hurdling something at it. Everything was wrong about it and upon glancing again, I cringed impulsively. Sobs wrecked my obscene body and I let the day’s difficulties rampage through my head. Scoffs, insults, and exclusion all combined and echoed in my mind, like a cave with no end. Hands tore at my hair for something to rip apart as if it would really release all my hopeless frustration, then I hugged my legs to my throbbing chest that so desperately wanted to stop beating. My usually innate indecision left as I planned my flawless freedom. I wished that everyone would realize their mistakes and guilt would eat away at them like vultures on the dead. I could never amount to anything, no talents, no beauty, no intellect, instead, disappointment. This would probably be for the better, after all I can see the truth rooted in the words they impaled upon me. Whether my few friends and family would care or not, I did not take into account. This desperation of self-hate I faced daily pecked away at me and I searched for what I needed with a solemn tear stained face. Why did it have to be like this? Why was I like this? ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,’ this old rhyme only mocked me incessantly. If only I could abide by it.

                 Faces of people passed through my mind as I hung the loosened belt around my neck while the sobs relapsed and clutched the rigid body I wanted no ownership of. Thoughts pounded by wondering what they would feel once they heard news of this. In a way, I wanted to laugh. To spit in their faces and tell them this is the point they drove me to. In other ways, I didn't want to relent so quickly, letting them win. But that didn't weigh heavy in my mind. I kicked the chair out from under me leaving my breaths numbered and eyes dilated. My only hope was that my life could perhaps exemplify actions that should never be taken and to inspire the vulnerable to choose otherwise, for I had chosen defeat and won. 

Reviews

[WritersRankings]

Defeat is sweet, the wise know this as they know nothing. To learn from our fate is such a pure sport. You have a way with words & dreaming. Some poets write their best work before they are merely twenty, I suppose it wouldn't surprise me if you were such a talent.

[AnnaMae]

Ahh, thanks again! You are definitely making me feel appreciated. I am so glad that you like my pieces.

[Amelia]

Awh, this is beautiful