If You Don't Know - Ch 3: Have A Great F*****g Day

I awoke on the cold tile floor of my bathroom. I looked down to my arm which was stinging with slight pain and irritation. Dry blood trailed down to my fingertips. I sighed heavily before opening one of the drawers beneath my vanity sink top. I fidgeted around in the drawer until I found the alcohol bottle. I poured some of the alcohol onto my self inflicted wound and winced at the burning sensation running through my arm at that moment. I grabbed at my face towel on the sink counter top and gently patted my arm. I cleaned around the cut and dabbed some antispetic onto it before putting on a bandage. I glared down at the now covered wound and sighed again. Time to live another day in this s****y life of mine. I got up steadily and grabbed my towel from the bathroom floor. I was still naked from my shower last night. I wrapped my penguin towel around my fragile still weak body. I walked out of my bathroom and stepped onto the rug of my bedroom. As I approached my closet I peered in and grabbed the first pair of black jeans with holes in the knees that were on top of the pile. I threw on some random muscle tee like shirt that read "Between sunrise & sunset". I remember this tee. I got it in some thrift shop in town with Alayna, Logan and Jaxon for our 15th birthday. Before allowing my thoughts to take over me I walked over to my vanity table. I did a quick subtle cat eye and rubbed on some dark nude lipstick. I braided my hair loosely and let it hand over my shoulder. I put on some bronzer to cover the mark on my face where I was struck. I looked down at my arms and walked over to my closet. I grabbed my leather jacket and put it on. Threw on my favorite low heeled booties, grabbed my sunglasses and phone and tossed them into my backpack and glanced in the mirror one last time. "Fair enough. Im not tryna impress anybody." I whispered then headed to my bedroom door. I quietly unlocked the locks and walked out. I grabbed my keys from my backpack and locked my bedroom door.

I slowly and silently walked down the first few steps of the staircase. When I didn't hear anyone I quickly but still silently ran to the end of the steps and sped to the front food. Only to be cut off by Diane. I glared at her. "What?" I said coldly.

"What? Oh darling, no need to be so cold to your mother. I was just going to ask if you wanted breakfast this morning. Maybe some french toast and bananas? I know its your favorite. You and Jaxon would always have that for breakfast on the weekends. So what do ya say Jase?"

What do I say? Is she f*****g shitting me right now? I felt my blood boiling up inside. I shut my eyes before finally bursting out. "What do I say?! Are you shitting me Diane! Your dick of a husband practically beats the living s**t out of me last night! And you have the audacity to ask me if I want f*****g french toast and bananas! You need f*****g help lady!" I shouted as I pushed past her opening the front door. "Oh. And one more thing." I said as I turned back to look at her. "Keep my brothers name out of your disgusting mouth." I scolded her and proceeded to walk out and slam the door shut.

"Do you want french toast Darling? And bananas too!" I mocked. Since when could french toast be used as an apology for marrying an a*****e and not only allowing but encouraging him to abuse me? She must be out of her damn mind. Especially if she thinks she can talk to me about my brother. She didn't know him! Neither did Dad. I knew him. I knew who he was. I knew what he wanted in life. I knew who he loved. I knew. But I didn't know how much pain he was in keeping all those secrets from mom and dad. I was always too focused on my own studies and activities to pay attention to his. He always smiled and seemed happy so I just assumed. I guess thats where I failed him. I deserved all this pain. I failed him and he returned the favor. "Im sorry Jax.." I whispered to myself shaking my head.

I looked at all the cars driving past me and thought to myself. Maybe I should have drove today. I should have just went into the garage and taken out Jax' old Comet and just drove to school. I don't know why I always walked. Jax told me it was just as much mine as it was his. He had saved up every single dollar he made over spring break and summer break that year. When he finally had enough he bursted into my room to throw it all at me. I remembered that day so clearly.

Slam! I jumped up and looked over to my now wide open bedroom door and my insane twin brother standing above me with a huge creepy grin slapped across his face.

"Jaaaaxxxx?" I stared up at him with a questioning grin on my face.

"Get up Jase. We. Are. Going. SHOPPING!!!" He shouted right before throwing a load of cash all over me.

"You have enough?! You did it?! Jax! Oh my gosh! You're gonna get your first car bro! Thats huge!" I jumped up and shouted back with joy giving him a huge hug.

"WE are getting OUR first car." He bluntly said as he released from my embrace and started picking up the money.

"Jax. No! You saved up for it. I didn't contribute at all." I said guiltily.

"I don't care Jase. Its our car and you're going to drive it as well. I mean you can't drive dads car for the rest of your life now can you? Okay then, so its settled. Now lets go buy us a car!" He yelled once more as he ran out my bedroom.

It was all so perfect then. We were together and happy. I mean genuinely happy. My thoughts were hindered by a loud horn honking. I snapped back to reality and realized I was crossing when the light was red for me. A black Mercedes car was in the intersection honking at me continuously signaling me to get out of the way. I could feel everyones eyes glaring over at me. I began walking hurriedly across the crosswalk when the driver of the Mercedes shouted "Move it ya w***e!" and honked once more. Without a second thought I turned around and gave the driver both of my middle fingers and shouted back, "Go f**k your yourself a*****e!" The driver quickly sped up and drove right around me, nearly crashing into the car coming up in the opposite lane. Dick.

When I reached the sidewalk I looked up only to see him standing across the street. Bright blue eyes, bluer than the American River itself. Defined jawline. Smooth pink lips with the cool metal ring pierced into its side. That was him. The boy from the bridge. He was gazing over at me as I crossed the street. He was standing with 3 other guys and a girl. I recognized them all from school. There was Ashton, the crazy haired bandana wearing dork who was a beast on the drums in my music class. Then there was Michael with what seemed to be bleach blonde hair with a nice black stripe through the middle. Like a reverse skunk. Interesting. And then there was Calum. He played bass in the music room with Michael during our breaks. I would occasionally sit in and watch. I played guitar but I wasn't all that great and I basically quit after Jaxon was gone. The girl, Natalie, stood by the boy from the bridge, she noticed him staring at me so she eagerly looked over to me and back to him. She grabbed his face and kissed him. His attention jumped from me to her within seconds. His hands were all over her backside and she had her arms around his neck. Why did I feel so jealous? I didn't even know who this guy was. And Natalie is basically the s**t of the school. Along with her sister Nicole of course. I wouldn't be surprised if they were tag teaming on this guy and not telling each other about it. They were those girls.

As I reached the corner I noticed him gazing back up at me so intentionally I stopped for a moment and gave him a smirk and winked at him quickly then spoke. "Boys." I said bringing my attention over to Ashton, Michael and Calum.

"Hey Jasey.", "Hi Jasey!", "Hey JR." They all responded. I smiled back and brought my attention over to Natalie. "W***e." I said with a straight face and lifted eyebrows.

"B***h." She replied and rolled her eyes as I walked off and continued on to the school building down the block.

When I reached the building I walked over to a bench and table in the lawn across from the school and took a seat. I pulled out my pack of Newports and pulled a cigarette out. I lit it up and took deep breath of the smoke. I blew out the smoke that was captured in my mouth. I took another inhale of the cigarette and as I let the smoke escape from my lips I saw him again. Walking towards the school building with the boys and Natalie. He looked over at me but quickly looked away. He kissed Natalie once again before she took off meeting up with her sister, Nicole, just a few steps away.

Before he got a chance to look back again the school bell rang. I put my cigarette out on the table and tossed it to the ground behind me. When I turned around he was gone. I looked around to see if he was still outside but he was nowhere in sight so I walked across the street and into this hell hole of a school to start my s****y day.