Dear Friend

Dear Friend, 

Id never been in love. Looking back on it now I wish that fact was still true. Its been 423 days since she left me, that's 10152 hours, that's 609120 minutes and that's 36547200 long seconds. Having a broken heart is like walking around with a hole in you're chest for the world to see. It's like feeling sick to your stomach with every shallow breath you take while you try to go about you're day. A broken heart is everyone asking if you're okay and Are you feeling any better today? You smile and pretend that your doing fine without them, like your slowly mending on the inside. And slowly they just stop asking, assuming that your fine. At this point your entirely alone stuck inside yourself, you start to become nothing but an empty shell of what you used to be. 

I thought I'd been in love once before. I was with her for 2 years, It was fun while it lasted... for the most part.Though at the time I'd thought I might die should it have ever ended. Yet here I am 4 years later still alive and kicking. In truth I can barely remember the colour of her eyes anymore. 

But it's different this time, I know I loved her, I had loved her with all that I had in me. She had drained me of anything and everything I had and now I'm left with nothing. Nothing but a distant memory of a girl who manage to find her way into my heart. This is not our story, this is my story. I must warn you it's not a happy story but it is 

one that I need to get off my chest. 

My name is Emily Tyler and this is my broken heart. 

It started in the summer, we'd just broken up from college for the holidays. We had been friends for years now, had our ups and downs like most I think but had made it to this point fairly healthily. Being friends was good, I'd never really looked at her in any other way. It had never even crossed my mind to even try and look at her in any other way. Until one day I just did. 

It was a summers afternoon, the sun was still high in the sky it can't have been later than about 2, it was so hot that a select few of us had decided a beach day was needed. We had other friends down from the city that we hadn't seen in a while, Sam and Georgia. Sam is probably one of the nicest people you will ever meet, camp as a row of tents but in our group he fits right in. Georgia, a total closet case, time and again me and Sam try to approach the subject but never seem to get more than an angry glance or two if you were particularly persistent.

Evie on the other hand, who is the girl that I am so freely telling you about, was neither a closet case or a camp as tits in your face dyke. She was one of those in between are they aren't they types, I assume you know the ones I'm talking about. And from experience I think I can say without feeling at all guilty that she was well know as a bit of a tease. Every time she would get close to anyone, male or female, she would flirt and then as things looked as if they were getting remotely serious. By serious I mean when things looked like they were become more relationship than fooling around. Evie would just simply disappear for a few days and then turn up with some other sorry loser in tow.

I knew this about her before hand which makes me wonder how I could have been so stupid to allow myself to think, even for a second, that I was the one that would be different. It wouldn't be the same old same old with me. I was the one who was finally going to be able to make her want to stay. I would be the one who finally got Evie to love them. I can remember that day very clearly, when it happened I thought it to be a strangely romantic day. Recalling on events now I should have seen all this coming. I was falling in love that day and all Evie was doing was lap up the attention this got her from everyone else. 

So this day started like any other day, the weather was nice so we decided to go out, we all packed our things and walked down to our local favourite beach. We got there, Evie and Georgia started to unpack the things and I, Sam, Dan and Katie ran straight for the water to cool off from the walk. Have you ever tried to swim and smoke a cigarette at the same time? It is not an easily accomplished task, but amusing to try all the same. Evie pulled out the ipod speakers and started to play the all to familiar playlist that we had all heard so much of recently, lay down on her town and lit up a cigarette of her own. There was usually another one of us in the group but Ash had gone away to somewhere in America for three weeks over the summer. Now just to fill you in a bit more, Ash was a girl who you could call... troubled, she had been a good friend of mine for a good few years now but it was well known how Ash felt about me. And lets just say me and her have history going back a long way. 

On this particular day we had just waved Ash goodbye that same morning and I had finally admitted that the feelings she had for me might not have been as totally unacquainted as I had previously tried to say. The night before Ash and I had spent a night talking about this and lets just say that I didn't exactly wake up alone the next morning. We had agree to not make any decisions until she got back and we could explore this further, though I would be lying if I said it didn't upset me the day she went away. I knew I would miss her. 

After a few hours of Evie's playlist we managed to finally persuade her to let us change the music on the condition that she didn't have to hear our 'mainstream s**t' as she liked to call it. So I agreed to go for a walk with her, I wanted to talk to her about Ash anyway. I thought it would have been nice to get it off my chest maybe clear my head. Wow was I wrong about that. If I had the chance I think I would go back and tell myself not to walk with her along that beach but to run. Run for my life. And not stop running until I got home. 

We walked along the beach, right to the end. The beach we were on had a huge cliff made from flint and a land slide from a few years ago had left a large piece of the cliff on the beach, just by the shore line. It was just about big enough for to people to sit comfortably on, with their feet in the water while they spoke about un-important things and tried to see who could skim a stone the furthest. As usual I won as I had the strongest throwing arm out of the lot of us. Evie threw sort of like an injured child... Her stones went up in the air about a foot and then usually either hit her, me or landed some where ten feet behind us. 

This was fine. It was when the conversation got serious. "I've got something I need to tell you." I told her I had something I wanted to talk about too, I meant Ash at this point of course but however I don't believe we ended up speaking about Ash much in the end. And then the those dreaded words were spoken. The five words I will remember till the day I die... "I think I love you" I froze. I didn't know what to do or what to think, there was my friend sat next to me telling me something that she had never said to another person. Then it hit me. 

Have you ever met someone and just had an instant connection with them? Like your world just stopped for a few seconds and It felt like forever? And you think to yourself I don't know how I will continue to live without this person in my life? This was not the kind of moment I had with Evie. Evie was like this nerdy kid that I knew from back at school and we had always been around eachother, but I had never stopped to look at her like that. Yet in those few moments that seemed to last forever and were probably nothing more that a few brief seconds, I realized that I loved her with everything I had in me. I realized that I were to ever have to part from being near her that it would be the worst day of my life. In those seconds I realized that I wanted to cling to her and never let go. 

Evie and I were inseparable for about a week after that, I'd almost forgotten who Ash was and hadn't heard from her in days either which I image couldn't have helped the situation. But In the end Evie did what Evie always did. She ran. Came back three days later with a good friend of ours in tow. Adam a guy two years older than us that was known for... liking girls a few years to young for him and known for being interested in one thing. Now, it wasn't this moment that broke my heart, at this point I was actually kind of okay with the whole thing. Sure I cried and I did what I think anyone would do In the situation and got angry, I accused her of being a liar among other things. That was It we didn't talk after that day for about 3 months. 

Because of the circles that we travel in at college we were forced to be around eachother but these brief encounters usually ended in massive arguments. But After a while we did start to become able to be around one another again.