Thorn on a Rose

shuffle poem

She was lying like dead on her bed;

His feet pounded poor to war;

Watching the ticks of the clock tick by,

Hearing the march of the soldiers march by;

Her hands laid out like a scarecrow’s,

Helter-skelter above her head;

His head fearfully facing the moon,

Eyes glued open, sore.

 

Her toes pointing towards the sky;

His brain messy as a marble cat’s eye,

And her eyes watching time tick by,

And his ears listening safety march by:

Upside-down,

Right-left;

Smile to frown,

Breath and theft;

Her daydreaming the cool kid in town,

Him wondering the day dream-life bereft;

Heart beating as the thorn on a rose,

Silently whistling arrhythmic tune.

 

Reviews

[Susan S.]

OK, First I'd like to know if Dressed in Poetry actually meant the only thing she found wrong? I read that and nearly snorted water out my nose! All this incredible poetry and all she sees is the one line?! It took me a good five minutes to get it. I musta been thick headed.

Your poetry is sheer... uh... poetry? Oh! I know! Artistry! I start feeling the movement, the march to war, then suddenly it stops at "Scarecrow" It makes me think about a scarecrow's hands and how they're stuffed with straw such that the fingers look broken. Next line "helter skelter". I think of three things simultaneously. They're all jumbled in my brain: the song, the movie, and (don't ask me why) Jack Nicholson. The movie was about mass murder, Charles Manson and that's what this poem seems to be headed towards in the next two lines.

All of a sudden, my marching song has gotten vewy, vewy dark. It reminds me of a Mark Twain short story. No kidding! It's called "The War Prayer".

This has been the most incoherent I've been in some time. I must be tired. Suffice to say, I think your piece is wonderful.

[Dressed in Poetry]

The only thing that I saw was the last line. I think you mean "a rhythmic". I like the play on words though. That's neat.