The Man Who Saw the Big Bang

"Do you have something to say?" he questioned with no remorse. 

"To be entirely honest, no, but I'd still like to talk." 

He smiled at me as if the wide, loud, animalistic laughter was held back by some inertia force. 

"Tell me, then."

"When I had paid the 2 Euros for entering this show, I was convinced it was going to be a one man show. I can only assume God was far from being eccentric for having the feeling of insufficiency after building up the blocks of a man out of crap and ketchup. I know, I know, the creation of woman led eventually to the invention of sin, but I am only here to help you, man." I smiled cunningly back at him while waiting for his reply. 

"No need, my lady. I am giving the show to you. Wink once if you need some water and twice if the nausea hits too hard."

"Oh, for real now?" But he had already left the stage, joining the people casually sitting on their chairs and staring at me. It was getting awkward so I had to start talking.

"Well, considering that no one here actually knows me, the silver lining in my thinking is that in case I screw this up, everyone will only point fingers at you. They will be all so disappointed about firstly deeming you so brave and inspiring for allowing this pretty girl to take the show away from you, only to find out too late that you had chosen rather poorly."

"Stop stealing lines from films!" Someone shouted from the crowd. 

"You see what you did?" Said I to the old man. "To you", and I turned my eyes to the person from the audience, "I can also say 'Good morning, good evening and good night!', but it would lack contextualization unless ,of course, it would be more esthetically appealing for me to watch the crowd with you no longer being there.  Anyways, what was the question? Oh yeah, some while ago, my neighbor's microwave broke down, because he had hit his grandmother to death with the thing. Long story short, he got away with it; I had never dared to ask him how much the bribe for such a crime must be, even though it would be good to know, I hate seeing all my acquaintances going to jail. After selling some organs and doing my groceries (yes, with the money from the organs) I had returned home and stumbled upon this very man in the hallway. 

'Good evening! How was you day?' he asked, also with no remorse. 

' Good, good, how was your wave?' 

'Not that great actually, I need to buy another microwave, the old one broke down.' By that time his face had turned all blue.

'Oh, I am so sorry to hear that, what happened?' What can I say? I love twisting the knife in the already open wound. 

'I tried to warm up my cat in there, the winter is very unpleasant for such an old b*****d. To cut it short, it looked like a goddam miniaturized Big Bang in there. It's all kaputt now, but thanks God I don't have to bury my cat anymore.

'Well, did you at least take a picture?'

'You stupid f**k! Don't you know that such explosions interfere with the camera's...'

'No, no, I meant of your face.' I interrupted him. I then continued. 

'I do not intend to call you a Peeping Tom or, you know, a killer, it's just that no one claimed before to have seen the Big Bang.'  This really reminds of the piano man, being fond of all the astronomical..."