Scars

I've been trying to stay away from looking at all the mirrors

Because It's like, the more I try the less I feel 

I guess I'm too scared to face my fears 

In desperate need of something real

I know I ain't been myself lately

I've been feeling like someone else lately

Cause all the ones I hoped would stay 

Are all the ones that fade away 

I try so hard to hide this pain

That my anxiety is breaking me, it kills me 

I'm living in a world so chaotic, I lost touch of the real me

Had to check again and again, just to ask me if I'm still me

I hurt the people that always end up forgiving me

I feel the guilt that's inside of me steadily burning me

Turning me to this person I hate to see the worst in me

Smiling to cover the pain so these people don't see this hurt in me 

Sometimes we hate ourselves because we run from the people we love

And hold on to the past cause we miss what it was

When I'm alone I always end up overthinking too much

And to the old me when I'm angry I'd throw a punch

My karma is coming it's weighing in

I'm drinking till all my feelings just fade away again

I end up hurting the ones I love because of my pain

Saw myself in the mirror and I'm just not the same

But who's to blame? No one I guess we all change

My mama told me " This ain't a way to live "

But, when you feel what I'm feeling that's just the way it is 

I'm still a sinner and I'm losing myself It's turning me so heartless

That sometimes when I'm doing something I would just feel so clueless

Right now I am here

They won't ever feel what I feel 

In need of something real

I've been dying to live, the devils shooting to kill

Leaving all my reasons to kill in a box beside me 

I cab't take it no more, I just can't take it no more!

I can't smile like I'm okay, I just can't fake it no more 

I can't act like I've been happy and complacent no more

I never had a place call my own, I never had a place to call my home

The day I started to change I prayed that someone would just murder me

The fake people closer to me and mostly the ones I truly love just hasn't spoken to me

I got this situation I'm dealing with currently

Don't know what to do or say

That's probably the reason why you haven't heard from me

I can't help but feel like I'm drowning and something's missing

Anxiety is suffocating me, I'm barely breathing

I know what it's like to lose somebody you love

I know what it's like to lose yourself to the drugs 

I know what it's like to have let go of someone 

Cause they hurt you so bad that you're not the person you was 

I'm back to the battle that I once started

To fall and get back up again

To endure all these pain 

And try to heal these battle Scars