Starving

I wrote this when I was alone at home and couldn't find any food to eat :(

Bend over on the ground

Squeeze tummy because of acid

Empty air provokes the nausea

Swollen stomach but nothing in it

Just some worms who love to singing 

Bones painting all over the body

Cracked lips, lack of energy

Withstand the hunger, trying to survive

Trembled hands is begging 

Sapless legs searching for crumbs

Sunken eyes full of hopes, showing the misery

Please don’t kill me…

Reviews

[Kelsey Schadt]

Very intense description of hunger. You have a flair for creating intensity. I see some grammar issues that I will point out in parenthesis

Bend over on the ground
Squeeze tummy because of acid
Empty air provokes the nausea
Swollen stomach but nothing in it
Just some worms who love to singing (Maybe love to sing, or love the singing, love their singing)
Bones painting all over the body
Cracked lips, lack of energy
Withstand the hunger, trying to survive
Trembled (Trembling) hands is (are) begging
Sapless legs searching for crumbs
Sunken eyes full of hopes, showing the misery
Please don’t kill me…

I am impressed by the imagery you create.

[Sleepyhead]

Hello, thank you for your review about my writing, also for the grammar correction. It is always be my first world problem, that I would never good enough when it comes to grammar. Have a good day! ;)