Boomerangs part 1

I took a breath and opened my eyes, the night was immense and i was cold. The moon was full with radiant paleness and I could see my breath. I lit a cigarette and took a drag, I was anxious. I was shaking and my body wouldn't stay still. I was sitting on my porch on some steps out of concrete. It was hard and freezing and I was wearing nothing but a t-shirt, worn out jeans and shoes. I watched the cigarette burn as i held it in between my fingers. Countless nights of no sleep, no rest and so much thinking. It was unbearable and my thoughts of reason were sinking into an abyss. I zoned out on the floor with cracks and watched the helpless insects scatter, like if it were the end of the world and they were panicking like there was no tomorrow. I took another drag and this one deep. I held the intoxicating smoke inside me wanting it to kill me. I felt it burn my throat and the middle of my stomach. It felt good and bad at the same time. I released it with a gentle blow and watched the smoke disperse into the night. As it was leaving my mouth I smiled. A smile not of joy, but as if telling myself "you're stupid and you've blown it all away". A smile that said, "You knew it was gonna happen, why cry over it, weren't you ready?" I chuckled to myself just once and I put the cigarette down. I stepped on it with my shoe and slid it side to side. Nothing left but ashes and that's the way everything was.

        I got up went inside my house and grabbed a jacket. The night was young and the stars they twinkled their brightest. I felt a gentle breeze caress my face and I started walking slowly. I could smell the night like if it had its own scent. My mouth tasted like cigarette and it was quite bitter. My ears were cold and my eyes they could only see what was illuminated by the street lights and moonlight. The streets they were empty and silent a whole different world then by daylight. As i was walking I could hear my footsteps as if I was never introduced to the sound of anything else in this world.

      Crossing light by light my memory got kindled. I couldn't help but to reside in all that was around me. The emptiness, the silence, and the gloom.

      He witnessed a smile that made roses bloom, and to the heart it made every beat seem unreal. He shared smiles of honesty and joy because what he felt was real. He laid with her in bed like if he could do it forever. Sometimes he'd even whisper in her ear words that made her heart flutter. He'd stare at her eyes like if she were the most amazing thing on earth and lost himself in a dream at plain sight. He'd listen to her voice like a music box and closed his eyes. It was music to his ears, a melody sweet and mesmerizing. He'd kiss her heart shaped lips and loved to kiss her slowly. They were unlike anything else in this world. He'd hold her tight as if he were afraid of something, afraid of loosing her forever. They'd spend time together and the emotion was strong and willing. Each day their love grew more and more. They'd lie on the grass under the sun and she would fall asleep in his arms, my arms.

      I blinked and in a second everything was gone, back in reality, back to the dark night. I kept walking and I felt so alone. This pain sucked the life out of me and I felt helpless. I needed something to snap me out of this. i needed something to fill in the emptiness I held. There was a liquor store like 15 minutes of head of my destination, yet I never really had a destination. I was a wanderer through the night and my destination was unknown. As I entered the liquor store the first thing I saw was the cashier. Middle aged and wrinkled face. His skin was brown and his eyes dreamless. He had a bleak face expression. He was a jaded man and his hair was blooming white. I walked up to the counter and asked for some lights. He looked me dead in the eye as if he were skeptical. I stayed quiet and didnt say anything, just looked at his eyes. He went behind the counter and got me a pack. I payed and left the store as calmly as I could. I kept walking through the night, noctivigant and craving for sleep I had to find a balance. I took a cigarette out and lit it. Took a drag and held it in for a second or two, then I exhaled it as I kept walking into the raven black night.

Reviews

[Lana]

Wow pretty amazing stuff! I love the way you depict the scene and the way you explain the heartfelt secrets that's driving you/him on. Living with emense pain yet determined to live and endure the pain. Awesome story. Though it feels like you repeat "I" a bit much and a few other minorities but it's really some of the best stuff I've ever read. Thank you for sharing it with me :)