The scent of a storm

Lightning did strike twice

not far from that sunny green patch of happiness

where I thought life could just not get any better

Did I offend some sacred course of nature?

Did I step upon a minefield of woe

while seeking my own space of happy yellow?

Why does it feel as if I sold my soul to the devil?

I cannot even remember what I got for it

because my hands are empty

my heart is empty

the only friend I have is this dark storm

relentlessly churning away

at the few last crumbs

of me.

Reviews

[PoeticSorcery]

sometimes we're all in a storm cloud of darkness I think.

[Ardra]

Liked the title and the way you have written this piece.... Did I offend some sacred course of nature?
Did I step upon a minefield of woe
while seeking my own space of happy yellow.... very nice also about selling your soul to the devil.... good lines enjoyed reading it

[ranscan]

I am more than impressed by the way you manipulated the concept of lightning. This piece uses strong images, for and against their common meaning, to communicate an emotional sense of the theme.
There are a couple points where punctuation could give the opportunity for the reader to pause, to enjoy what they have just read, and prepare for the next line or idea. At the end of the first line for example, a comma, and again at the end of the third line, perhaps a period. You did use capital letters at the beginning of lines which are the beginning of a thought, however, and its certainly not required, it might be something you might consider.
I want to ask, in the 5th line, you use "upon", did you consider using "into" instead?
I understand from a comment you made on an earlier review, that this piece was created after you saw the image you have attached to it. If I had not read that I would have presumed you were very fortunate to have found an image that so well represented this work.

[SleeplessVolcano]

Thank you very much for your constructive criticism. I tend to write on the spur of the moment, but I am learning now that some editing will only improve my writing.

Inspiration is often an enigma. I may even be driving through a desert and suddenly see a lonesome tree and feel compelled to stop and write a poem about the image. I guess that is part of the beauty of creativity - it is like the wind, sometimes gentle, sometimes violent - we just need to know how to harness its power. :)

[Nisreen]

Those storms
We wonder if they are of darkness or extreme light

i love your words here
filled with imagery :)

[SleeplessVolcano]

thank you :) This was one of those random ones where I am googling for a picture for something else, and suddenly I find an image which starts to "speak to me".... does that ever happen to you? :)

[Nisreen]

It does quite alot

[Nisreen]

Those storms
We wonder if they are of darkness or extreme light

i love your words here
filled with imagery :)

[Ted Kniffen]

I like this. Excellent picture to go with it, but I'm left wondering if the storm was one of nature, or an internal turmoil. A good write.

[SleeplessVolcano]

thanks Ted. Indeed - what would poetry be if we did not add in a dash of turmoil? :)....Like food without salt, if you ask me.