Invaded

Painting by Pieter Schoubroeck, Burning Troy

Walls conquered

gates broken

gold stolen

shouts, unspoken

Dust burning

death winning

cries growing

enemies, sinning

Couldn't surrender

white flags burnt

soul shackled

no lessons learnt.

Reviews

[Bo Lanier]

nicely written, rhymes well.

[FateDictates]

we're on a roll it seems nice and super envious and withhold my curtsy..cause i can..loved it none the less..

[SleeplessVolcano]

Why thank you.....:) a compliment coming from you is akin to a Nobel prize in Literature.....;)

[FateDictates]

hey always give you good feedback! fate dictates that I be honest!!

[fattycbreezy52]

Shows us the futility of war........Nicely done!

[Einstein Noodle]

how true ...how terrible and tragic ... "Dust burning" very powerful line for me!
E.

[SleeplessVolcano]

Thanks for reviewing, E. I find it strange how I am often comforted more by the "terrible and the tragic" and not as much by the inspirational and the peaceful......

[Einstein Noodle]

i suppose acceptance of our "human" condition brings great comfort ... admitting it perhaps is the beginning of wisdom eh!? :)

[SleeplessVolcano]

Such words of wisdom.....could end up in a poem.....;)

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ..... yes indeed ;)

[Tim Piotrowicz]

Yikes! You've got the rhythm down good on this one. Your words provoked in me a sense of chaos and a sadness. I find myself imagining that I am in the position of being invaded even though I very much do not want to be. I have to give this a 99 because it forced me into feeling and that is a sign of an excellent poem.

[SleeplessVolcano]

Thanks Tim.......yikes, you can say that again. Broken down walls are tough to live with I'd say........though it was not my intention to provoke chaos and sadness, though I guess it is what it is.

Do you know a good builder to help me with my walls? Once my king is back from exile, that is....;D

[Tim Piotrowicz]

I'm not entirely sure what we are talking about and I am sorry I felt something you did not intend, but that is the beauty of poetry written and poetry read, isn't it? Can you explain your second sentence to me?

[SleeplessVolcano]

you mean the part starting with dust and ending with sinning?

[Tim Piotrowicz]

Sorry, no. I mean the part about your question. Are you just being poetic here or are you asking me something?

[SleeplessVolcano]

Oh....I was just being facetious...but truthful......the poem is an analogy of the broken down walls of my own life, for which I need a "builder".............eventually

[Tim Piotrowicz]

I do hope you can find that builder. My builder is doing a very good job, though I feel very out of touch with him these days.

[SleeplessVolcano]

TO be honest, I have found him but I am too stubborn to let him start the job, so right now I am just watching the pillage........

[Tim Piotrowicz]

May I find a place to sit nearby and watch? This could get interesting. We both know you'll get over your stubbornness eventually...

[SleeplessVolcano]

Maybe you know more than I do. Once bitten, twice shy, the saying goes, or translated into Confucian, "he who hates the first bowl of chicken soup is more likely to become a vegetarian"

[Tim Piotrowicz]

I was about to reply to you, but I made it into a little blog post instead. Hope you don't mind. read moreI was about to reply to you, but I made it into a little blog post instead. Hope you don't mind.
Can be found here: http://writerinfear.blogspot.tw/