From Within

          Blaine laid on the bed with his hands tied with rope to each of the bedposts. He was waiting for his girlfriend to return. He wasn't sure where she went, but she did say that she would be back soon. He said that he would wait for her, before realizing that he was tied to the bed. Now, he didn't have a choice but to wait for her to return.

          An hour had passed and Blaine had fallen asleep. He awakened when he heard keys clanging together and the door swinging open. Footsteps pounded across the tiled floor in the kitchen. Then he heard no more. Jen appeared in the doorway of the bedroom with a wrinkled brown paper bag in her hand. She walked over to him, dropping the bag next to his leg in the process. She climbed onto the bed and then sat on top of Blaine.

 

" Where'd you go? Did you forget that I was tied to the bed?"

" I went to the store. Sorry it took so long. I hadn't planned on being gone for an hour."

" It's okay. You're excused this time." He laughed. " So what did you get?"

" It's a surprise, silly. Can we talk about something?"

" Of course. Help me get my hand loose first," said Blaine.

" Wait. Not yet. If you play your cards right, you'll still need them tied up." She grinned at him. He smiled back at her.

" Fine. What do you want to talk about? Is it about what I said last night?"

" Yes. I told you that I loved you, and you didn't say anything back," said Jen.

" I know. I'm sorry. It just came as a surprise."

" A surprise? We've been together for six years. What was so surprising?"

" I just didn't know you felt that way about me. Love is such a strong word."

" It is a strong word. That's why I said it. I love you Blaine. I just want you to know that."

She shifted her weight and he grunted.

" Can you untie me now? Please, I'm really uncomfortable."

" Not yet. Tell me how you feel about me," she said.

" What? Why?"

" Because I want to know where this relationship is going. Is it worth sticking around for?"

" Jen, baby, this is crazy," he said.

" Tell me!" she demanded.

" I like you a lot. I really do, but..."

" You don't love me, do you?" said Jen quietly.

" I'm not sure. Please don't be upset. I still like you."

" It's okay Blaine. I'm not upset. I thought I'd be, but I'm not. A little disappointed though. I gave you another chance to tell me that you love me, but you didn't."

 

          She reached down towards the end of the bed. She grabbed the paper bag and laid it on Blaine's chest. She opened it and revealed the contents inside. There was a spray can of whipped cream and a large silver knife with a purple hilt. She laid both of the items on his chest and threw the bag onto the floor.

 

" If you would've played your cards right, we could be playing with whipped cream. You obviously didn't have enough face cards in your deck." She started to laugh.

" Let me go! You're a psycho! shouted Blaine.

" I'm not psycho. I'm still a little disappointed. That's all."

" Let me go you crazy b***h!"

" You know, Blaine, I gave you my heart, and what did I get in return?"

" Let me go!"

" A relationship thats lasted six years and that obviously isn't going anywhere. We'll I'm still committed, even if you don't love me."

 

          She unbuttoned her shirt and tossed it to the floor along with the can of whipped cream. She picked up the knife and traced her fingertip over the blade.

 

" You didn't give me your heart, but I'm going to give you mine...literally. That way, while my lifeless body lies on top of yours, you can think about how much I loved you."

" Untie me right now or else I'm going to..."

" What? Break my heart?" She started to laugh again.

 

          Jen picked up the knife and plunged it between her breasts. She shrieked, but she continued to drag the blade through her chest. Blood poured down her stomach and onto Blaine's body. He started screaming, but no one could hear him. Barely conscious, Jen reached into the wound and grabbed her slowly beating heart. Then she snatched it out in one quick movement. Her body collapsed, landing on a horrified Blaine. She was holding her heart out to Blaine when he was finally able to slip through the rope. He pushed her dead corpse onto the floor and ran to the phone to call the police. When the coroner arrived, he asked what happened and Blaine said that she was just a crazy girl who was obsessed with him.

 

 

 

 

 

  

Reviews

[Janiese Wesley]

It was a very interesting story. It had suspense, and passion. I feel, that he needed to pay for stringing her along in a relationship for six years. He couldn't tell her he loved her. At the end, he didn't feel a thing. She needed to make him feel her pain, and it was too easy for him to call her, "obsessed."

[Ladie NiQue]

I'm.... speechless. I really liked this story. It was so unexpected. I thought she was going to take is heart literally since that's what she wanted. But the way you wrote it was so... creative, and I know it took some time to think it through. Good job!

[Tia Sanchez]

Wow. This was powerfu;, and very unexpected. The pictures you were able to create with your descriptions made this an even better read. Great job.

[HorrorMaster]

Awesome story, I thought it was good. :)

[EboneeAlexis]

this is really great i loved it so much and the ending was sad and made me a little upset but i love that lol =) keep it up !

[James Watts]

An hour had passed and Blaine had fallen asleep. He awakened when he heard keys clanging together and the door swinging open. Footsteps pounded across the tiled floor in the kitchen. Then he heard no more. Jen appeared in the doorway of the bedroom with a wrinkled brown paper bag in her hand. She walked over to the be, dropping the bag onto the bed in the process. She climbed onto the bed and then sat on top of Blaine.(My question is how does he know she appears in the doorway? He's blindfolded lol. )


She walked over to the be, dropping the bag onto the bed in the process.(try a rewrite to avoid using bed twice right here. ... She walked over and dropped the bag onto the bed.)

" You don't love me, do you?" said Jen quietly.(Careful with the -ly adverb as they weaken prose. Sometimes the -ly cannot be avoided, but for the most part it can by either rewriting the sentence, removing the -ly or the word altogether. For dialogue attribution, as in the above example, you want to always avoid that.)
The concept is cool. A little polish, missing commas etc. And maybe vary between complex and simple sentences to move it along. Felt choppy in a few places because a lot of the short, simple sentences. This story has a lot of potential, just touch up the rough spots.

[Jennika has a short att..]

:O
This piece literally knocked the words outta my mouth. I love it!!![=

[Robotic Assistance]

Very entertaining! I loved every moment of it. The ending was indeed a surprise and I take my hat off to you! :D

[Gomer LePoet]

wow this is some powerfull stuff here. it had quite a twist. It started out as humor and ended with a, with a, with a knife to the heart. cool work here man. Have you ever seen the movie "Misery' its worth a watch if you have not. it is eerie with an obsessed lady and a writer.

[Dutch Jr.]

Eerie, romantically eerie...lol, if that's possible. Pretty well orchestrated piece, and your dialogue brought this writing off the page. Job well done in the stortelling department.

The story itself... well, it was quite creative. Its sort of ironic, because I initially thought she was going to tryt lust her way into his heart, so it was a complete surprise to read the outcome. I like this piece a lot. She had tried of six years to give him her heart spiritually and emotionally, so she resulted to giving him her heart--literally. Very impressive, vivid, and original writing.