His Own Destruction

He couldn't cope.

He lost all hope.

Tightly woven rope.

 

One foot on the chair.

Sweat dripping from his hair.

No thoughts behind his stare.

 

He's such a wreck.

Around his neck.

Time stopped for just a sec.

                

Little time to cry.

One tear from his eye.

Strong noose he did tie.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

That ending caught me by surprise. I thought it was another boyfriend poem, but it sure isn't. Great rhyming and a thunderbolt ending. I like it.

[Emily]

I don't normally love heavy rhyme schemes such as this, as sometimes they force the rhyme by manipulating the words beyond what they really mean.

However, there are not too many forced rhymes in this piece. Well done. Suicide poetry is always hard to read and comment on, simply because it is hard to say well written when you're speaking of ending a life. However, you've capture the edge of the emotions, and I think you could take this father. nice work.

[alesuriko]

I really despise suicide poetry... but this one had a good rhyme that made it sound almost satirical in my head. It's rather emotional as well, good description and imagery. And the rhyme and rhythm are perfect. Great job!

[José Humilde]

First of all, I wanted to thank you for commenting on my poem, I appreciate it very much. I was looking through some of your poems, and I was trying to find one that i could use as a good example. I too enjoy poems that rhyme. It's just something that adds to a poem, that I want to have, and not have it take away from a meaning.

In rhyming, you want to see it move smoothly. Trust me, I'm no Dr. Flow, but it definitely helps when somebody else can read your writing, and give you a few tips.

In this poem, I saw a few of the stanzas that stuck out for me. Kind of ruining the rhythm. So here are the stanzas with some of my own additions/subtractions. Of course, you don't HAVE to use my suggestions, but I hope you can at least see what I mean.


One foot on the chair.
Sweat soaking his hair.
No thoughts, just a stare.

He's such a wreck.
Around his neck.
Time froze for a sec.

Thanks again, and I look forward to reading some more of your poetry.

-JH

[zombiikillah666]

wow. this is intense. flows well . good job. (:

[(Super) Heroes Never Di..]

The rhymes made this all the more amazing. :)
This is kinda sad, and kinda dark. But I love it.
Nice job.

[nostal]

Powerful.

[Sasha]

Wow!!!!! Excellent Poem! You can tell from the first stanza what the situation is because of your clear writing form! Great Work!