Wake
up honey. I
shot up and gasped. Oh it was just my imagination. And yet it seemed so
real. I stretched out and almost yelped out loud when a sharp pain exploded in
my neck. Ugh! I must have fallen asleep on the floor...AGAIN!! Any
time I fell asleep on the floor I always woke up soar. I slowly stood up from
my makeshift bed and tried rolling my neck. I only made it half way before the
pain became too great. I knew exactly what I needed. I tip toed over to
my bedroom door and reached down to the knob. When I poked my head out the
smell of Blueberry pancakes filled my nose and made my stomach growl. I pulled
my head back into my room, turned back on my heels and walked towards my tall bureau.
I grabbed a towel and my favorite outfit. My gray spaghetti strapped tank top
that would be covered by my black hoodie. Along with my black skinny jeans,
converses, and my black and white gloves. I bundled up my clothing and walked
out of my room and ran across the hall into the bathroom.
The bathroom looked
liked any ordinary bathroom. White walls and ceilings. One toilet and across
from it was an oval bathtub. Above the bathtub were shelves that had towels,
lotions, face cloths, shampoos, and conditioners. I turned on the hot water and
let it run. I turned around and looked at myself in the wall mirror above the
bathroom counter. In the mirror I watched as a girl stare back at me. She was
average height but very skinny. She had amazingly pale skin. But what stood out
the most were her green eyes. They seemed almost alien like against her skin.
They were average eyes. Not beady, not cat like, or big and round and innocent.
They were just, average little eyes. Turning away from her I saw that the tub
was only filled half way. I turned off the hot water and switched to cold. I
did this process until the bathtub was almost full up to edge. I quickly peeled
off my clothes and slipped into the tub before I could catch a glimpse of
myself in the mirror. I never liked the idea of myself being naked for I felt uncomfortable
seeing my naked body. As my skin touched the water I felt cold. But as soon as the water reached up to my shoulders I felt warm. Then the warmth completely wrapped around me. I wouldn't have realized that my face was sinking into the water if I didn't feel my toes emerge from the water. Then I let my thoughts swirl and hummed the sweet lullaby sung by water.
I am the rain that falls from the heavens
I am the mighty oceans that are as large as a dream.
I will always wash away your nightmares.
I will always be pure. I flow gracefully in a never ending stream.
I like the description. Feel like a dream like state in the story. I like the use of water and the poem at the end. Thank you for the excellent chapter.
Coyote
A handfull of errors, but I'm sure that a read-over or two and you will fix all the ones I saw; some missing hyphens (Spelling?), and one or two misspelled words, but that's about it. And, at the end, I thought you used some of the same words a little too much
"I never liked the idea of myself being naked for I felt uncomfortable seeing my naked body." Maybe you could just get rid of the second naked?
"As my skin touched the water I felt cold. But as soon as the water reached up to my shoulders I felt warm. Then the warmth completely wrapped around me" You could maybe turn into "I felt cold as my skin touched the water, but the warmth completely wrapped around me as soon as the water reached up to my shoulders."
Other than that, I thought that this was a good chapter. Kind of un-important in the important sort of way :)
LONGEST MYSPACE SURVEY
.: About you :.Name :AnnaNickname :Annabel Lee, banannaEye color :dark brownHair color :blackFav color :blackFav music : screamoFav band : Black veil bridesFav movie :Four br.. more..
prev chapter
![[send message]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/mail.png){kind=small}
![[befriend]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/friend.png){kind=small}
first
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Read Request
My Library
Flag Writing
