What is life? I
mean, what is the real purpose? We live, we die. But what’s all the events in
between? Do we do things by a predetermined destiny? Or does our fate rest in
our hands, are we free to make our own foolish mistakes as so many of us do on
a daily basis? Life is probably the most fascinating thing to man, or at least
the people with enough brains to consider these things. But let’s face it,
there’s only a handful that do. Like me, these are things I think about when
I’m alone. And I’m always alone.
“Paige, lights
out honey.” My mom. One of the sweetest women on the face of the planet, but I
don’t deserve her kindness, her compassion, because all she gets in return from
me is rejection, silence. Just like everyone else. But she still tries, just
like everyone else. I can hear it in her voice, the desperation. Another
attempt to try and get me to say something, anything. But I just stare ahead at
the deep purple painted wall, my back to her and my hair working as a shield
for my face. I don’t even acknowledge her existence. I hear her sigh in defeat
and a few seconds later I hear my door softly shut. And then, nothing. Just
pure quiet. My only friend.
I’m sorry. I’m immediately filled with
grief and remorse, two emotions embedded into me ever since that night. I feel
my arms burn where my art knife slashed and cut into my skin numerous times. I feel something warm roll down my cheeks and drip off my chin, and
then I realize I’m crying, I feel weak, too weak to even sit up right. I slide
off my bed and curl up on my carpeted floor, it smelled of lavender and other
candle aromas my mom always used to make my room in her words my “sanctuary.”
She said it was to keep me calm. It worked, but only sometimes. My tears seeped
into my matching purple carpet, and then I heard a voice.
Please don’t cry baby.
I shot up like a
rocket and looked around, frantic to find a logical explanation to where the
voice came from. NO! This couldn’t be
happening I knew for a fact she was
gone. And yet I could still hear her voice
cooing in my head. The tears came faster and I felt scared. My walls were
closing in, my heart begin to hammer away at my chest. I had to get away! I
grabbed my pillow off the bed and threw it in the corner under my window. I
curled up on my side under with my head on the pillow. The moonlight poured
brightly in through my window and shone down on my face, peering deep into my
soul, but I quickly turned away because it reminded me too much of her. I felt my tears roll down my cheeks
and find its way through the crease between my lips. The taste of tears was
salty and wet. I closed my eyes and let the moon’s lullaby soothe me to sleep,
drowning out the screams in my head.
I shine down on my children,
lighting the way to happiness and the path to their dreams.
Protecting them from the evil that hides in the darkness. I am the light
that breaks through the nightmares, that slays the daemons with a radiant glow
I will always show my children the way to fulfill their hopes and make them shine!
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