Absolute Zero, The Pilot

At the behest of my friends, I decided to take a crack at sitcom writing...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Absolute Zero [Working Title]

 

“Episode 1- Pilot”

 

Trystin S. Bailey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OPENING THEME

 

SCENE A

TRENT’S APARTMENT. IT IS A FAIRLY ROOMY APARTMENT WITH A WINDOW LOOKING OUT INTO NEW YORK CITY. IT IS MODERN AND OBVIOUSLY EXPENSIVE, DECORATED IN A VARIED COLLECTION OF ART AND PLANTS (INCLUDING A DEAD PLANT ON THE COFFEE TABLE). A COUCH IS THE CENTRAL FOCUS. A KITCHEN AND DINING AREA ARE OFF TO THE SIDE. THERE IS A HALLWAY LEADING TO THE UNSEEN OTHER ROOMS OF THE APARTMENT. THERE IS ALSO A COMPUTER DESK WITH A LAPTOP AND PRINTER COVERED IN, LIKE THE REST OF THE ROOM, IN PAPERS AND ART SUPPLIES.

 

TRENT (A WELL-DRESSED MAN IN HIS LATE TWENTIES) RUSHES AROUND, DOING A HORRIBLE JOB AT FRANTICALLY CLEANING UP THE MESS.

 

DOORBELL RINGS. TRENT IGNORES IT AND CLEANS. IT RINGS AGAIN AND HE IGNORES IT STILL, GROWING MORE FRANTIC. IT RING ONE MORE TIME AND HE GIVES IN AND RUNS TO IT.

 

TRENT

(SHOUTING ERRACTICALLY) Holy freakin’ Jesus Christ, I’m coming! (OPENS THE DOOR AND IT’S JAN, AN EXTERNALLY WELL-ADJUSTED WOMAN IN A BUSINESS SUIT) Oh. Hey, Jan.

 

JAN

(EYES THE ROOM) You live like a troglodyte.

 

TRENT

(RETURNS TO CLEANING) My boss wants me to have a presentation for the Willis account ready by this Tuesday.

 

JAN

(SITS) Somehow that doesn’t justify my troglodyte comment…

 

TRENT

Shut up.

 

JAN

Willis. Isn’t that the Texan who, and I quote, “pees on toilet seat of the murky port-o-potty that is your life?”

 

TRENT

Yes, but he pays well. And that port-o-potty is a lot more homey with these 500 dollar Armani Wingtip Hightops.

 

JAN

Nice.

 

TRENT

I’m aware. Anyway, I’m trying to clean up a little before Skyler gets here.

 

JAN

Oh yeah. The little tyke your crack w***e sister popped out after some loose drunken hoorah in a bathroom stall of an Iowa K-Mart a few years back.

 

TRENT

That’s the one. And until his mother burrows her way out this, her sixth rehab clinic, I will be taking care of the boy. As if I didn’t have enough to do.

 

JAN

You’re a busy man.

 

TRENT

I know!

 

JAN

Sarcasm kinda lost there.

 

TRENT

I am busy.

 

JAN

You draw pictures three hours a day and spend the other twenty-one gazing off your balcony wondering what it’s like to be like people.

 

TRENT

I am an important Ad Exec.

 

JAN

You need a little spice in your life.

 

TRENT

Says the psychiatrist who spends her days diving into the minds of her patients so she doesn’t have to evaluate herself. The only flicker of actual humanity you experience happens once a month and if they had a pill to stop that I’m sure you’d plop that sucker in every chance you could get.

 

JAN

It’s been out for years. And I do. Clean your house.

 

 

TRENT

(REACHES INTO A BAG BEHIND THE COUCH AND PULLS OUT AN ACTION FIGURE) I bought this for Skyler while I was out. It’s got four arms and a light-up sword. Do you think he’ll like it?

 

JAN

How old is he?

 

TRENT

Fifteen.

 

JAN

You’re a moron.

 

TRENT

(PLACES TOY ON COUCH) A moron with 500 dollar Armani Wingtip Hightops. (DOORBELL RINGS) Oh my God! Oh my God! That’s him. That’s Skyler. Where’s the action figure?! (PICKS UP FIGURE AND RUNS TO THE DOOR. CALMS HIMSELF AND OPENS IT. STAN IS STANDING THERE, A TALL LANKY FELLOW WHO DRESSES ABOUT A DECADE OLDER THAN HE IS) Oh. Stan. It’s you.

 

STAN

You alright?

 

JAN

He’s fine. Today’s the day Trent becomes a daddy.

 

STAN

Ah. Your crack w***e sister’s uh-oh?

 

JAN

His name’s Skyler.

 

TRENT

I bought him this.

 

STAN

Nice.

 

JAN

He’s fifteen.

 

STAN

Lame.

 

TRENT

It’s not- What should I have got him?

 

JAN   STAN

Porn.   Hooker.

 

TRENT

Ew. Just because you were sick pervs in your teenage years doesn’t mean Skyler is. I’m sure he’s a kind upstanding gentleman…just like his uncle. Me.

 

JAN

Yeah, because nothing creates upstanding gentlemen like mothers who sprinkle their five-year old’s birthday cupcakes with crack and serve them to his kingergarten class.

 

STAN

Nice. High five, Jan!

 

JAN

High five, Stan! (THEY “HIGH-FIVE”)

 

STAN

Um…how ‘bout we don’t do that again?

 

JAN

Agreed.

 

TRENT

Well, luckily the kids next door were in the middle of the D.A.R.E. program and the police dog sniffed it out before any of the kids took a bite.

 

STAN

That reminds me. What’s today’s date? Well? What is it?

 

JAN

The 20^th?

 

STAN

The twentieth. August twentieth to be precise. And do you know what occurs at Hamir’s Bakery every August 20^th? Do you?

 

TRENT

You’re the only one who would ever know that, Stan.

 

STAN

Hamir makes this red white and blue Danish to commemorate the day his father paddle across the Atlantic to Coney Island on a piece of driftwood, using the rigor mortis-ridden severed arm of his wife as an oar.

 

TRENT

Ew.

 

STAN

It’s delicious! Delicious. So I strolled on over to Hamir, expecting a Danish, longing for a Danish and when I get there, what do I get?

 

JAN

I don’t know. It couldn’t be a life so…

 

STAN

My wife calls. She needs this special organic cream for her lady areas and the only store that sells them is the only store in the whole damn city that closes at four o’ clock. Four o’ clock, it closes! Unbelievable. The line’s like two miles long so it’s either the Danish or the lady cream and which one do I choose?

 

TRENT

The cream.

 

STAN

No. The Danish. So I’m gonna stick around here until she goes to bed. Can I use your bathroom?

 

TRENT

Go right ahead. (STAN EXITS) A Danish.

 

JAN

They let him operate on people.

 

TRENT

They give Olympic medals to retards.

 

DAVE

(HE IS UNSEEN, SINGING LOUDLY FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR. HE HAS A GREAT SINGING VOICE) Trenton Stevens open up the door. You’re mom is a filthy skanky w***e. When I touch her, she always begs for more. I’ll be your daddy some da-a-ay!

 

TRENT

I think Dave’s here.

 

JAN

Tell me. Why did I date him again?

 

TRENT

Official answer, because you’re a sucker for a project. Real answer, because you like to be surrounding by things that make you look stable in comparison.

 

JAN

Ah, yes. That’s the one.

 

DAVE

(BURSTS IN, ARMS WIDE OPEN. HE IS A YOUTHFUL SPIRIT, THE SAME AGE AS THE OTHERS, BUT MORE ENERGETIC. HE IS CARRYING A PAPER BAG) Hey! Hey! Hey! Where’s my bestest buddy in the world?!

 

TRENT

(AWKWARD) Heh. Here I am?

 

DAVE

There you are! (HUGS TRENT HARD) Ah! That’s the stuff!

 

TRENT

What brings you to the East Side?

 

DAVE

My boo wants this special organic cream (REMOVES CREAM FROM BAG) and I want her to let me stick it in her so…

 

STAN

(ENTERS IN A RUSH, WAVING A FEW TWENTIES IN HIS HAND) (TO DAN) I will pay you a hundred bucks for that cream, sir!

 

DAVE

Deal! (HE EXCHANGES CREAM FOR MONEY)

 

STAN

(STARTS FOR DOOR) It’s been real, but I’m late for some gratitude sex.

 

DOORBELL RINGS

 

TRENT

That’s him! It’s Skyler!

 

DAVE

Who?

 

JAN

Gina’s 9-month mistake.

 

DAVE

Oh. Hey, Jan. Didn’t see you there.

 

JAN

(COLDLY) David.

 

TRENT

(STARTS TO SHOVE PAPERS AND ART SUPPLIES UNDER AND BEHIND THE COUCH) Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God…

 

JAN

Calm down. You don’t even know it’s him.

 

TRENT

Um…of course I do. Anyone else who would ever come over is already here.

 

DOORBELL RINGS

 

STAN

I’m opening the door…

 

TRENT

Not yet!

 

STAN

I’m opening it…

 

TRENT

Don’t!

 

STAN

Gratitude sex, Trent. (OPENS THE DOOR AND SKYLER, A “PUNK” KID, STANDS THERE WITH TWO DUFFLEBAGS) Oh.

 

SKYLER

So which one of you is my uncle Trent? I’ll accept anyone except the black guy in the women’s shoes.

 

DAVE

(WHISPERS TO TRENT) I think he’s talking about you, dude.

 

JAN

(STARTS TO LEAVE) Well, I’ve gotta organize my unmentionables.

 

DAVE

(WAVING THE MONEY) Strip club.

 

STAN

Sex with the Mrs.

 

ALL THREE EXIT, LEAVING A STUNNED AND AWKWARD TRENT ALONE WITH SKYLER. THERE IS A TENSE PERIOD OF SILENCE.

 

TRENT

I’ll have you know these are men’s shoes and they cost 500 dollars!

 

CUT TO COMMERICIALS

 

TRENT’S LIVING ROOM. TRENT AND SKYLER AND SITTING AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUCH, EACH AWKWARD AND UNHAPPY ABOUT THE SITUATION THEY’RE IN.

 

TRENT

(CLEARS HIS THROAT) So…Skyler. Thirsty?

 

SKYLER

No. (THERE IS A SPELL OF SILENCE)

 

TRENT

(REACHES AND GRABS THE ACTION FIGURE) I, um, I got you this.

 

SKYLER

Lame.

 

TRENT

O-kay. Lame. Heh. Alright then. (PAUSE) I’ve got it. Why don’t we…get to know each other? Take turns asking questions, you know? I’ll start. I’ll start. Um…what is your favorite color?

 

SKYLER

Why are you such a dork?

 

TRENT

Okay. Maybe I was a little quick with the instructions. You’re supposed to answer my question and then-

 

SKYLER

Dork.

 

TRENT

Ah-heh. Are you aware that a dork is a whale’s penis?

 

SKYLER

No. Only dorks are aware of that…you dork.

 

TRENT

(GETS UP) Well, this has been fun, hasn’t it? Yes it has. Your room’s down the hall to the left, drinks are in the kitchen, and I’m a dork. Wow, this is fun.

 

SKYLER

When’s the last time you had sex? You seem like you really need to get laid.

 

TRENT

(ABOUT TO POP) Have a nice sleep! Bus comes at eight! I need a drink. (STARTS FOR THE KITCHEN)

 

FADE OUT

 

SCENE B

FADE IN TO DUNCAN AND VERNE AD CONFERENCE ROOM. IT IS YOUR BASIC CONFERENCE ROOM WITH A LARGE ROUND TABLE COVERED IN PAPERS AND POSTERS. TRENT, DRESSED FOR BUSINESS, IS SORTING THROUGH THE PAPERS, IN HIS USUAL TENSE STUPOR. AFTER ABOUT FIVE SECONDS SEAN STEIN, THE EPITOME OF THE YOUNG SLIMEY BUSINESSMAN, SLITHERS INTO THE ROOM, COMBING HIS SLICKED-BACK HAIR AND SMIRKING SOMETHING FIERCE.

 

SEAN

Well, well, well, if it isn’t Trenton Stevens, golden child of Duncan and Verne.

 

TRENT

(VENOMOUSLY) Hi, Sean.

 

SEAN

I’ll cut to the chase. Doris wants to see you in her office. Something about the million-dollar Willis account that should’ve been done last week, but isn’t because she obviously made the wrong choice. (LAUGHS TO HIMSELF) She should’ve picked me. (EXITS)

 

SCENE A

DORIS’ OFFICE. IT IS A LAVISHLY DECORATED HAVEN. DORIS, A PLUMP, JOLLY WOMAN IN HER FORTIES, PAINTS HER NAILS. TRENT KNOCKS AND OPENS THE DOOR.

 

TRENT

You wanted to see me, Mrs. Duncan?

 

DORIS

(HOPS TO HER FEET, SEDUCTIVE) Oh! Oh, Trenton, you startled me you naughty boy. And call me Doris. Mrs. Duncan makes me feel so…married to Mr. Duncan. Ha.

 

TRENT

Yes…well…Doris…you wanted to see me?

 

DORIS

(CREEPS TOWARD HIM) Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Tell me, Delicious, what is the status of the Willis project?

 

TRENT

Um…Well…

 

DORIS

Hold that thought. Do you mind if I cup your private area with my right hand while you talk?

 

TRENT

What? Yeah. I kinda do.

 

DORIS

Would you turn me in to Human Resources?

 

TRENT

Uh…prob-probably not.

 

DORIS

(SHE CUPS HIM) Go on, then.

 

TRENT

(SIGHS) It’s not coming along as…quickly as I would imagine. My sister…

 

DORIS

The crack w***e.

 

TRENT

Gina. She’s in prison and her son is kind of staying with me. He just moved in yesterday and it’s been a little rough …so…Could you please un-cup my balls?

 

DANIEL

(A SQUIRRELY YOUNG INTERN ENTERS, HOLDING A CUP OF COFFEE) Here’s your coffee, Doris!

 

DORIS

Daniel! How dare you burst in here without knocking. We could have been fornicating!

 

TRENT

Um…no. No we couldn’t have.

 

DORIS

(SNATCHES COFFEE) Give. Me. That. (SHE TAKES A SIP AND SPITS IT OUT ON DANIEL’S SHIRT) Daniel, you young virile cretin, I asked for four shots of caramel and I only taste (DOUBLE-CHECKS) two and a quarter. You’re fired!

 

DANIEL

You’re pretty.

 

DORIS

Re-hired! (SHE PINCHES DANIEL’S BUTT AS HE EXITS) Woo! (SHE THEN TURNS BACK TO TRENT) Now, Trenton…

 

SEAN

(ENTERS, GRINNING) Sorry to interrupt, Trent, but there’s a phone call for you. Someone named Skyler is awaiting your return in the principle’s office.

 

TRENT

Oh, God… (RUSHES OUT)

 

SEAN

Can’t even take care of his own life. Tsk. Tsk. (TO DORIS) So, where were we?

 

DORIS

Get out of my office. You smell.

 

SCENE C

CUT TO PRINCIPLE’S OFFICE. A CLASSY OFFICE OF FINISHED WOOD, COVERED IN AWARDS AND CERAMIC CATS. PRINCIPLE HOOVER, A TAKE-NO-SASS WOMAN, SITS FIRMLY IN HER LEATHER CHAIR. THERE ARE TWO FAR LESS COMFORTABLE CHAIRS ACROSS FROM HER. ONE IS OCCUPIED BY A SMIRKING SKYLER AND THE OTHER TRENT, SQUIRMING.

 

HOOVER

Do you know why you’re here?

 

TRENT

(LOOKS TO SKYLER THEN REALIZES SHE’S TALKING TO HIM) Oh, you were- To me. Sorry, I thought that- I- I have no idea.

 

HOOVER

Well, Mr. Stevens, it seems as though your son-

 

TRENT

Nephew.

 

HOOVER

-has wasted no time in affiliating himself with the local bullies. Ming Yin, our one and only Asian genius exchange student, was found hanging upside from a basketball hoop, drenched in creamed corn. (SKYLER SNICKERS) Is there something funny, Mr. Johnson?

 

SKYLER

Picture a corn-covered foreign exchange student hanging from a basketball hoop shouting, “Let Ming be! Ming no like this game! Ming no like corn in pants! Coooorn in pants!” and tell me it’s not funny. (HOOVER IS APPAULED, TRENT IS AGHAST) Yeesh.

 

HOOVER

Young man, since you are new here I’m not going to suspend you, but rest assured my eyes will be on you like white on rice… (TRENT TRIES TO INTERRUPT) …wait, I’ve got a better one. My eyes will be on you like…like...Ah, d****t. I’ll have one next time…

 

TRENT

Um…(CLEARS THROAT) I was wondering if we could wrap this up. I’m kind of in the middle of something so-

 

HOOVER

So you don’t have time to help better your own child?

 

TRENT

To be completely honest, he’s not my-

 

HOOVER

Well, isn’t this just great? Another parent too busy for his kid. You think you can just drop them off on the educational system, without a care in the world, huh? Old Mrs. Hoover can take care of them for me! She doesn’t have a personal life. She hasn’t been on a date in four years. I’M PICKY! (CREEPING UP ON TRENT, FURIOUS) Listen to me and listen good, you metrosexual t**d. (SKYLER SNICKERS) I did not shag some limp-moralled floozy in the back of my ’87 Rabbit in high school! I did not pop some slimy whining big-headed snot-sack out of my swollen cooter! I am not a place mat!

 

TRENT

Lady, he’s not my-

 

HOOVER

Shut up!

 

TRENT

Okay.

 

SKYLER

Wow.

 

HOOVER

(TO SKYLER) Young man, return to your class. (TO TRENT) And you get back to your precious widdle job and pray I never ever see you in my office again.

 

-COMMERCIAL BREAK-

 

SCENE D

FADE TO TRENT’S APARTMENT. DUSK. DAVE, STAN, AND JAN ARE SITTING AT THE DINING ROOM TABLE. TRENT ARRIVES WITH DRINKS.

 

TRENT

Ah, finally, a chance to unwind after a Hellish day and share a fancy slightly alcoholic beverage with my closest friends. So, what’s going on?

 

STAN

Sex with my wife? Thought you’d never ask. Never happened. Got her the cream, you know? For her lady’s areas? Turns out of the cream needs to set for six hours. Six hours! What the hell? Another sexless day for Sexless Steinman! Unbelievable.

 

DAVE

Speaking of sex, I used that hundred you gave me and went to Las Vages.

 

TRENT

The strip club?

 

DAVE

The strip club, and I got a lap dance from Sasparilla, the one-eyed cowgirl. What she lacks in eye, she makes up for in b**b.

 

JAN

Disgusting.

 

STAN

Go on…

 

DAVE

So she gives me a lap dance in the private room. One thing leads to another, I slip her a twenty, buy her and drink and- BAM –sex!

 

JAN

You do realize you just paid for sex?

 

DAVE

The fee was for the room. The sex was totally on the house.

 

STAN

I’m jealous. Jealous!

 

JAN

(TO TRENT) How about you Trent? What’s it like being a daddy?

 

TRENT

Ha. Well, first off he made fun of my shoes. Then he called the action figure lame.

 

JAN

It’s lame.

 

STAN

So lame.

 

TRENT

Then he stole my pillow and uses all the hot water in the shower. In the morning he eats all my Lucky Charms, and rearranges my vitamin cabinet and you know how I get when I don’t have my Zinc.

 

DAVE

Do I ever.

 

TRENT

So I’m struggling to get this campaign stuff together for Willis and I get a call from his principle, Mrs. Hoover, so I have to go meet her. And of course she can’t be a normal principal. No. She’s some post menopausal psycho-b***h who renders me one snip short of a full castration!

 

STAN

Mrs. Hoover, eh? Sounds like she sucks. (PAUSE) Get it? Hoover. Like the vacuum. Sucks?

 

DAVE

Ha. Nice. (“HIGH FIVE”’S STAN)

 

TRENT

Ugh.

 

STAN

That joke really cleaned up.

 

JAN

Kill me.

 

TRENT

Stop it.

 

STAN

I can’t. I’ve vac-cumulated a lot of ‘em.

 

TRENT

(PAUSES TO TAKE IT IN) Anyway, the kid is totally messing with my chi.

 

JAN

Your chi?

 

TRENT

I read it in a magazine. It’s only been a day and a half and I don’t think I can take it anymore. I am a very selfish person who is selfish and busy and has no time for worrying about my druggy sister’s teenage mistakes ruining my way of life. (PAUSE) There’s gotta be a foster home or something that can keep him?

 

DAVE

Where’s the little fart at anyway?

 

TRENT

I don’t know. Probably at the corner store, taking hits off of nail polish remover-

 

SKYLER

(FROM THE HALLWAY. DARKLY) I’m right here.

 

TRENT

Skyler! Um…how long have you been standing there?

 

SKYLER

Long enough to know when I’m not wanted. Sorry to throw off your chi. (STARTS TO EXIT)

 

TRENT

Skyler! (SKYLER EXITS, SLAMMING THE DOOR) Oh no. He’s…what should I-?

 

STAN

I think it would be-Hoover you to go after him.

 

SCENE E

FADE TO OUTSIDE OF TRENT’S APARTMENT COMPLEX. TRENT, JAN, DAVE, AND STAN STAND THERE.

 

TRENT

Okay, we’re all going to split up and look for him. Search streets, alleyways, flower shops, whatever. We’ll meet back here in two hours. If any of us find him, we’ll call the others on our cell phones. Do not approach him alone.

 

STAN

What is he, a mountain lion?

 

TRENT

Let’s go.

 

THEY ALL PART WAYS.

 

FADE TO BLACK

 

FADE TO ORIGINAL SCENE.

 

CAPTION: Two hours later…

 

TRENT RETURNS TO THE MEETING SPOT FIRST. STAN COMES RIGHT AFTER.

 

TRENT

Stan! Did you find anything?

 

STAN

(RAISES HIS ARM AS IF HE’S ABOUT TO GIVE GREAT NEWS AND THEN) Nope.

 

JAN

(ENTERS) Did anyone find him?

 

TRENT

Nope.

 

STAN

Nuh uh.

 

TRENT

Damnit.

 

DAVE

(ENTERS, WITH COTTON CANDY) Yo.

 

JAN

Did you really stop to buy cotton candy while we’re looking for Trent’s missing nephew.

 

DAVE

I work better on a full stomach.

 

JAN

(PAUSE) Can I have some?

 

DAVE

Nope.

 

JAN

(POINTS) Transvestite on a unicycle.

 

DAVE

(LOOKS AWAY) Where?! (JAN SMACKS HIM) Ow!

 

JAN

(TAKES A CHUNK OF COTTON CANDY AND PLOPS IT IN HER MOUTH) Mm…delicious.

 

TRENT

Guys, stop fighting and think about me! And Skyler.

 

STAN

You know, whenever my little Alison runs away we usually find her curled up in the extra room of the penthouse’s east wing. I have such a large house.

 

JAN

(TO TRENT) What else can we do?

 

TRENT

It’s late. Don’t worry. Just…go home. I’ll keep looking. I’ll figure something out.

 

DAVE

Alright. (EXITS)

 

STAN

Best of luck on your search, sir. Keep me up to date and all that. Now I must be off to mount my buxom bride…unless it’s another cream night in which case I will be very irritated. I’m a brain surgeon for God’s sake. You’d think karma would be on my side at least once a month. Good bye. (EXITS)

 

JAN

Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?

 

TRENT

Yeah. No. Yeah, I’ll be fine. Good night.

 

JAN

Goodnight, Trent. (EXITS)

 

FADE TO BLACK

 

SCENE F

FADE TO TRENT’S APARTMENT. TRENT ENTERS. SKYLER IS PACKING FOOD FROM THE REFIDGERATOR INTO HIS BACKPACK

 

TRENT

Skyler?

 

SKYLER

What?

 

TRENT

Can we…can we talk?

 

SKYLER

No. I think you said everything you needed to a couple hours ago. I’m out of here.

 

TRENT

Look, I didn’t mean those things, alright? I was just stressed from work and this is new to me and…I don’t know. I’m sorry.

 

SKYLER

This is new to me, too, okay? My mom’s in jail! She’s a mess up, yeah, but she’s the only person who was always there for me. And now…now I’m here. With you.

 

TRENT

I guess I’m just scared. Sometimes I can barely keep track of my own life, and with you…

 

SKYLER

(LAUGHS) I am a mess.

 

TRENT

I gathered. (PAUSE) But I want to make this work. I want you to stay.

 

SKYLER

Same. (EXAMINES SOME OF THE PAPERS LAYING AROUND) What is all this crap?

 

TRENT

That crap is the only thing that keeps my bills paid. They’re sketches for an a*s named Willis. I have until tomorrow to come up with a slogan for his line of Security Gnomes. There like little lawn gnomes with security cameras built into their eyes.

 

SKYLER

Jeez.

 

TRENT

I know!

 

SKYLER

Hm…what about…Security Gnomes: You’ll never be alone with a gnome in your home.

 

TRENT

You’ll never… That’s corny enough to work. Thank you. You have no idea how long this has been killing me.

 

SKYLER

No problem. So, how about that principal?

 

TRENT

Oh my God, it was like looking into the eyes of Satan.

 

SKYLER

But you have to admit, the corn thing was pretty hilarious. “Ming no like corn in pants! Coooooorn! Cooooorn!”

 

TRENT

(LAUGHS A LITTLE) Not at all. Now…get ready for bed.

 

SKYLER

(STARTS TO GO THEN STOPS HIMSELF) Goodnight, Trent.

 

TRENT

Goodnight, Skyler.

 

FADE TO BLACK

 

-END CREDITS-

Reviews

[mirui]

This is riveting great job.